Everlasting Love
by Opa12
Summary: The entire story of how James and Lily's love developed. Their past memories, fights, first kiss, falling in love and more. This is their story.
1. Back To School

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**AN: Hey readers!! I really hope you enjoy this story. This will be the story of Lily and James!! :) Enjoy & please review the story. I would really appreciate your comments.**

**xo.**

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**EVERLASTING LOVE**

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Red hair.

Green almond shaped eyes.

Snow white skin.

Voluptuous shaped lips.

A skinny body with curves that would make any man drool.

Lily Evans.

She always lived in his head. Nothing in his world would take her out of it.

He had been consumed with her from the very beginning. The exact moment he had met her in their first year, he knew he would always want her.

He remembered that day as if it was yesterday.

_James had been so excited as he entered the Great Hall. It was everything his parents had told him about, and so much more._

_He had met his new best friend on the train. Sirius Black. Even if he was from a Slytherin background, he knew there was something different about him._

_He had even met a very pretty girl with red glowing hair. She hadn't been the nicest person, and she had been with some sniveling weird boy with greasy hair. But there was something about her._

_When they had been sorted and he had become a Gryffindor like his parents, the excitement almost left his body, especially when Sirius had become a Gryffindor as well._

_He then saw the pretty red head girl that he had met on the train. She walked slowly up to the Sorting Hat._

"_Come on say Gryffindor," he mumbled a little too loudly._

_Sirius turned around and raised his eyebrows to him. James felt his cheeks blushing._

"_GRYFFINDOR!" The hat yelled. Everyone cheered and James felt a weird feeling rush through his body. He didn't even notice girls yet, why was this girl grabbing his attention so much?_

_She sat down next to James and gave him a small glare. Apparently she had still been angry about the train incident. _

_He got a hint of her smell and she smelled like raspberries and a certain flower called a lily. _

_As if she knew he was scooting closer to her and smelling her hair, she turned quickly and he gasped. Their faces were so close, "Can I help you with something?" She had replied, and not too nicely at that._

"_What's your name?"_

_She raised her eyebrows, "Why do you want to know? To make fun of me some more?" She turned away from him and he thought he heard her mumble, "I made fun enough at home."_

"_I wasn't making fun of you," James said casually, "I was making fun of your greasy sniveling friend."_

_The girl turned her head again and she looked at him with a look of death, "That greasy boy happens to be my best friend. So why don't you just shut your mouth and leave me alone?"_

_But by that point James was beyond intrigued by the beauty. _

"_Wow, you definitely are losing points my friend, and fast," Sirius said with a pat to James' back. _

_James looked back at his new friend and winked._

"_Listen, your so called best friend, is now in Slytherin, you might want to re-evaluate your friends now," James said smugly. _

_The girl looked as if he had smacked her against the face. A flash of regret trembled through his body. When she finally composed herself she spoke again, "Well he may be in Slytherin, but he'll always be better than you."_

_The words stung James slightly. They probably wouldn't have if they had come from someone else. But for some reason this girl with a bad temper, was holding his interest._

_Another girl came slowly over to the table looking extremely shy._

_She was cute with a baby face and short brown hair. She looked down at her fingers._

"_Not the house you were hoping for?" He heard the pretty red head say._

_The shy girl looked up, "Oh that's not it. I just don't know anyone and I sometimes have a hard time making friend, being shy and all."_

_James looked over and half expected the red head to be snooty. But she gave the shy girl a dazzling smile. A smile that almost took his breath away._

"_Well Gryffindor's are supposed to be brave right? And I'm sure we will get along just great. What's your name?"_

_James was surprised by the pretty girl's kindness. He thought with her looks and her wit, that she wouldn't be all that nice. But she was. _

_He liked her even more now._

"_Alice."_

_The red head smiled bigger, "I love that name. I'm Lily. Lily Evans."_

_James looked down and smiled to himself. Even if she hadn't told him, he had finally found out her name. _

_Lily Evans. He didn't think he would ever forget it._

Yes, that had been their first true meeting. And he would lie, if he said things got better from there. Because they hadn't.

The tension between the two just got worse and worse.

He knew he went about her the entire wrong way, but he was James Potter. And he did have an image to uphold.

But this time he saw her in the Great Hall, something different flowed through his body.

This feeling was deeper than just lust.

Could he be in love?

Maybe he had always been in love with Lily.

It felt so right. So perfect. So endless.

He knew they were meant for each other.

Things would definitely have to change this year and he knew that.

He could possibly be in love with her, but Lily Evans hated him.

She thought he was arrogant and a complete ass.

Until now, he really had been. He knew that. He didn't know if he could change that image so easily though.

His friends didn't make it that easy either, especially Sirius. And at that moment that friend of his pulled him out of his trance and back to reality, "Potter! Check out the great selection this year."

James rolled his eyes, "They're eleven Sirius. Get serious."

Sirius laughed, but it was Remus who spoke from behind his book, "Oh I think he's quite Sirius. That's what makes it so sad."

"See even Moony understands me!" Sirius raising his eyebrows and pounding his buddy on the back.

Remus shook his head, "I don't think anyone will ever understand you Padfoot. But after six years, I have decided to just go with it."

"I just feel like this year will be different. Who knows, Wormtail might even find a girl this year. Well actually that's kind of pushing it," Sirius replied with a snort.

Peter glared and continued looking at his hands, but muttered something that sounded like, "complete arse."

"Ha, you know you love it Wormy," Sirius said laughing. "Oh and hey Prongs, who knows maybe this year you will actually get over Evans!"

"Or, maybe she will see the great guy that you really are," Remus said with a small smile. James could always count on his kindness. He was about to thank him with a punch when Remus spoke again, "Like Padfoot said, this year, who knows. Maybe something will change after all."

Although James didn't say anything, he looked back down the table and saw Lily's smiling face. Yes, he hoped something would change this year.

For their time was definitely running out.

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"Lily, how was your summer? Your sister gotten any nicer?" Alice said with a sympathetic smile.

"Not in the slightest. Petunia will never be the sister I wished she would be. She will always see me as, well a freak," Lily said slowly with a shrug.

Madison laughed, "She's the freak. Not you!" She gave her friend a soft hug, "You're too wonderful to be a freak. You have one of the greatest hearts in the world. Plus, you kick ass at Potions."

"Joy, that will get me far in life," Lily said laughing.

"It actually will. You should seriously consider being an Auror Lily," Alice said.

"I'm not sure that's the path I want to go down. I mean yea, I did really good on my O.W.L.S, but sometimes I picture a normal life after Hogwarts. I want to get married and have children," Lily said staring off in space.

"Well you and Potter would have hot kids," Madison said nonchalantly.

Lily's head snapped to her friends, "What? Don't make me vomit. Potter? Why did you even bring him in this conversation?"

Her two best friends looked at each other and shook their heads.

When Lily started getting impatient, Alice finally spoke, "I think what Madison was trying to imply, was well, James Potter loves you."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh please Lil. You know how much James fancies you. It's not like it's some huge secret," Madison said rolling her eyes.

_James Potter,_ Lily thought icily.

What did he mean to her?

Absolutely nothing. That's what.

He wasn't someone she would ever even see herself being friends with. Sure they were in the same house, had all the same classes for five years, but he was an arrogant jerk. Someone she definitely didn't want to associate with.

"Well even if he so called 'fancies me', that doesn't mean I want anything to do with him, so don't be thick," Lily said shaking her head violently.

Madison giggled, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lily replied questioningly.

Alice stifled her body nervously, "I think she means that James Potter simply cannot take his eyes off of you for even a moment."

Lily felt her heart drop. She slowly turned her head and saw his black untidy hair. His eyes poured into her own.

She saw him open his mouth slightly and saw him smile slightly.

But before she could react he turned his head quickly.

Lily thought he would've tried to yell something crude at her, or at least tousle his hair around like he normally did to try and show off.

But he didn't.

Maybe he had changed over the summer?

Then she heard Sirius do the cat call to some new girls and saw his group of friends laughing hysterically.

Lily shoved the thought of James out of her head. No, he hadn't changed at all.

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	2. First Day

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**AN: Hey readers!! This chapter took me a while. But I'm going to try and keep updating fast :) Thanks for the reviews. They are much appreciated!! And don't worry, there will be tons of chapters. Please keep reading and give me your input. I always enjoying what you have to say.**

**Take care. xoxo.**

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Lily woke up stretching her arms and smile.

It was heavenly to be back at Hogwarts. This was her true home. It always had been. Yes, her parents had been more than excited when she got her owl years and years ago, but her sister was beyond rude to her.

This summer had been particularly worst too. Petunia had just gotten a new boyfriend named Vernon. She didn't know what her sister saw in him. He was a big, bad tempered, arse. He loved to pick on Lily with every chance he got.

Neither of them understood what it meant that she was a witch. But then again, her sister never wanted to.

But she forgot those bad memories. She was finally back somewhere where she was accepted, more than that, she was popular and admired at Hogwarts, something she never while being at home in the Muggle world.

However, there were times when she still felt as if she was a freak among her own kind. She was muggle born, a 'mudblood' and some of the Slytherin's enjoyed calling her that name again and again to fit their own humor.

She never could understand why people could be so cruel. She would never hurt someone for her own enjoyment.

Maybe that's why James and his clan bothered her so much. They were almost as bad as the Slytherin's with their taunting and teasing. Well mostly it was James and Sirius. James looked up to Sirius, so that's maybe where he had picked it up. But she was sick of it. Remus and Peter were much kinder and treated everyone with respect.

Lily shook her head and slid out of her tiny bed. She smiled when she saw Madison's mouth wide open and drooling. Maybe she was having a dream about Sirius. She had been infatuated with him for five years now.

Lily kept trying to tell Madison to move on. Sirius wasn't one that you had a relationship with. Not in the slightest. He charmed girls with his looks and his wit, used them and moved on. Usually it left them broken hearted.

But Madison wouldn't give up the fight.

Lily decided she wanted to look exceptionally nice for the first day they were back to school. She took a shower and dried her thick red hair.

Sitting with her robe on, she put her makeup on. Sure, she didn't need to wear it, but it made her feel a little more eccentric about herself.

When she was satisfied and had just the right amount of make up on, she went to her closet. She wished she could wear something a little more flashy, but this was Hogwarts after all. And uniforms were enforced daily. Only on the weekends and in her dormitory could she wear other pieces of clothing that were much more attractive.

When she was finally dressed, she slid on a black headband on and smiled at the finishing product. She did look nice.

"Are you trying to impress someone Lil? You've looked at your reflection ten times," Madison said sliding herself tiredly out of bed.

Lily laughed quietly, "Can't a girl just want to look nice for her first day back?"

"You always look nice, but it's like you're trying extra hard today. And why in bloody hell did you wake up so early?"

Lily shrugged, "You know me. I can never sleep in! Too excited for the day."

"You're always excited for school, it's ridiculous," her friend said shaking her head and making her way to the bathroom.

She was more excited today, and she didn't even know why. Something about today felt entirely different.

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"Prongs, wake up you bloke," James heard Remus shout. "You too Padfoot. We're going to be late once again."

"Come back later Mrs. Potter, I need at least three more hours," Sirius groaned.

Remus flicked his wand and the covers flew off of James and Sirius' beds. "I'm not Mrs. Potter you bloke."

"Bloody hell," James yelled, "What in the name of Merlin is with you?"

"Well, it is our first day and I thought you would want to show our teachers that maybe you were willing to take your education a little more importantly this year," Remus said with a laugh.

James looked over and smiled seeing Sirius in the fetal position not moving out of bad. It made him laugh when he said Mrs. Potter. During the summer James' parents let Sirius move in with them. They understood that life at home for Sirius was no happy tale. They practically disowned him and were beyond disappointed in him and his choices. You could say he didn't see eye to eye with his family in the slightest.

It was one of the greatest summers of his life. He and Sirius were closer than brothers could ever dream of being. And his parents were beyond awesome, and he always missed them when he came back to school.

James finally groaned and made his way out of bed.

Another long year had started. Yes, he did love Hogwarts, but he could go a lifetime without taking all of the unnecessary classes.

He already knew most of the material and knew how to create spells that teachers couldn't even dream to think of.

He played it off that he was much cooler than the education, but it was a fact that he was very, very smart.

Sirius laughed and patted James on the back, "Every year I swear your hair gets more and more out of control."

James laughed and shook his head. He went and took a shower then put on his uniform robes.

When he looked at his reflection he nodded. He looked the same as always. Yet he was indeed more muscular this year.

He flexed and smiled confidently. Who knew maybe this year Lily would notice he actually existed.

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Defense Against the Dark Arts had never been Lily's specialty, but she thought she would give it another go. Their teacher Professor Hawthorne was new this year, and she couldn't help think he was very cute. He was a younger teacher definitely in his later twenties.

And his smile was dazzling.

She was deep in thought listening to him speak, when the door flew open.

Lily rolled her eyes when she saw Remus, James, and Sirius all running inside breathing heavily.

"Welcome Gentlemen. I hope this won't be an everyday occurrence," Professor Hawthorne said raising his eyebrows.

_If it's that group, then yes, it will be an everyday habit, _Lily thought being irritable that these boys were once again wasting their class time.

"Oh sir, you know it won't happen again. Just had a rough start this morning. My buddy here kept looking at his beautiful reflection in the mirror, basically had to break the mirror to get him away from it," Sirius said with a laugh.

James laughed and shook his head, "What can I say sir? I'm one good looking son of a-"

"That will be quite enough. Take your seats boys," Professor replied looking slightly irritated himself now.

The teacher shook his head when they took a seat and started talking once more.

Lily was trying to pay attention, but she could feel Potter's eyes almost burning a hole into her back. Of course he had taken the seat directly behind her. He always tried to sit close to her.

She looked back slowly and saw him basically drooling all over himself. He was staring at her very intently and when she looked at him he popped up and wiped his mouth. He grinned and she glared at him turning away.

What was wrong with him?

"_James Potter loves you" _her friend's words kept replaying in her head. "_It's not like it's some huge secret."_

"Ugh," Lily said a little bit too loudly.

Professor turned and smiled at her, "Do you have a dislike for what I'm talking about Ms. Evans?"

Lily sat up and shook her head quickly. She felt her cheeks turn bright red, "I'm sorry sir. No I find the changing of werewolves very interesting!"

She thought she heard Sirius say, "Tough luck for you Prongs, that's good for you though Moony."

"Shut it," James said coldly.

"Gentlemen, please," Professor Hawthorne scolded. He turned back to Lily, "Well I'm glad you find it interesting Ms. Evans. It is indeed very interesting. There is a lot we could learn from the werewolf bite."

Then the teacher nodded once at her and turned away.

Her heart gave a little jump.

What had Sirius meant when he said "_that's good for you though Moony._" She knew they called Remus Moony for some odd reason.

She looked over at him, and he looked beyond white. He looked actually sick.

Lily felt a pain of sadness travel through her body. She didn't like to see anyone like that. And Remus had always been very nice to her. She was going to make sure he was alright, that much was sure.

When class was over, Lily made her way over to Remus. Of course he was surrounded by his obnoxious friends, but she didn't care.

"Hello Remus," Lily said with a smile.

Remus stood up a little straighter and looked down at her, "Why hello Lily. How're you?"

"I'm fine thanks," she replied, pushing her hair back behind her shoulders.

She noticed that James and Sirius immediately stopped talking. James was staring at her again with wide eyes. And Sirius smiled and nudged James. But James didn't seem to notice, he was too busy gawking over her.

"Well that's good," Remus said looking a little uncomfortable.

She forgot he was extremely shy. So she tried to make this conversation as least awkward as she could, "Hey Remus, I was just wondering if you were okay. I noticed you looked a little grave when Professor Hawthorne was giving his lecture."

Remus' eyes widened and he quickly looked over at his friends.

Sirius laughed and made his way over to Lily, "Oh how sweet. Do you have a thing for my buddy here? He is quite a beautiful bloke now isn't he?" He said as he slid his arm over her shoulder.

She saw James stiffen and glare at Sirius.

Lily shoved Sirius' arm off of her, "Get a grip Black. I was only making sure my friend was okay. But just forget it."

Now that she was embarrassed she quickly turned away. Then she heard Remus' voice, "Lily thanks I appreciate your concern."

She turned slightly and nodded.

Remus continued, "But I'm fine really. Just breakfast didn't hit my stomach right is all."

"Oh alright. Well take care Remus," She said not acknowledging the other two.

Lily thought she heard them laughing behind her and she walked even faster. But before she did, she looked back once more and saw James still staring after her, not smiling at all.

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Stepping onto the Quidditch field made James feel alive again. He loved the game more than anything. Well, not everything.

He couldn't shake her from his mind, even if he wanted to.

It was even affecting his game.

The Quaffle almost hit him in the head.

"Prongs, get your head out of your arse mate," Sirius yelled.

"Yea, sorry, sorry!" James said shaking his head. He flew up and watched the Quaffle make its way for him. He quickly grabbed it and threw it through the goal.

He smiled and waved at the small audience watching their practice. Of course it went in through the hoop. He was a brilliant chaser. Everyone knew that.

His fellow classmates cheered for him. Yes, he was definitely at his happy place.

He looked down and his breath caught when he saw her red hair join the others on the bleachers.

Was she actually coming to watch him? _Don't be silly_, he thought_, she hates me to her core._

At that exact moment Lily looked up and stared right at him.

Maybe she was there for him.

He waved at her and shouted down towards her, "Hey Evans, looking good! What are you trying to do distract me from my game here?"

Lily shook her head and opened her mouth.

God she was beyond beautiful. It was like looking into a bright light every time he looked at her.

She lifted up her hand and for a moment he thought she was going to wave back, but her finger pointed to something.

He looked around and the next thing he knew, he was falling into darkness.

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	3. Hero

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**AN: Thanks for the reviews readers. Means a lot!! Keep R&R xoxo.**

**Enjoy the chapter. I'll update soon.**

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"Prongs can you hear me brother!?"

James opened his eyes and finally escaped the darkness that he had been surrounded in for what seemed like a lifetime.

"Look see I told you Moony he would snap out of it," he heard Sirius's voice from afar.

"Yea, you were right. I thought he would be out for days with a hit like that," Moony said quietly.

"Well he most likely would've if it hadn't been for Evans there," Sirius exclaimed.

The moment he heard her name, James finally came to reality, "What... Evans?"

He heard his friends laugh and he looked up at saw Sirius smiling, "Well hello to you too Prongs. Wormtail has been worried sick about you."

"What happened to me?"

Moony sat next to him in a chair, "Bludger mate. Came out of nowhere and totally bonked you in the head. You fell off your broom and you would've hit the ground, mind you, you were up pretty high too."

"Oh just get to the good part Moony. Or let me," Sirius said shaking his head, "You were about to splat into a pancake, but Lily stood up from the bleachers and stopped you from falling. You were floating for a while and then she brought you down softly."

"It was incredible," Peter said shaking his big head.

Moony nodded in agreement, "It really was. She thought so quickly, I mean it all happened so fast."

But James couldn't even pay attention to his friends any longer. The only thought in his head was about Lily. She had saved _him, _a boy she loathed above all else.

He would definitely make this up to her.

And he would enjoy every moment of it.

She was after all, his hero.

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"Golly that was amazing Lil," Alice said shaking her head in disbelief.

Lily sighed. Her friends and the rest of the student body had gone on and on about her being a modern day hero.

"It was nothing, anyone would've done it," Lily replied biting into her apple.

Madison laughed, "Save it Lily. It was amazing and you know it. No one could have thought as fast as you did. We were all waiting for him to hit the ground."

Alice nodded and patted Lily on the back.

Just then a boy came over to Lily, "Good job saving Potter, Lily! You are definitely admired even more now."

Lily looked up and saw Frank Longbottom smiling at her with a nod. She felt Alice shift next to her. Lily looked over and saw Alice smiling at Frank.

"Hello Frank," Alice said quietly.

Frank smiled, "Oh hello Alice, how are you?"

"Very well thanks, you?"

"Great! Well I have to go study, great seeing you all," Frank said slightly blushing and walked away quickly.

Lily looked over at Alice and started laughing.

"What?" Alice asked still red in the cheeks.

"She's laughing because you couldn't be more obvious towards your crush," Madison said as she looked at her Potions book.

"It's not true. I don't have a crush on Frank!" Alice said shaking her head.

"I think you do, and that's okay. Frank is a great guy," Lily said encouraging her shy friend.

Alice looked up and raised her eyebrows, "Well it would okay for you to admit that you like Potter too. You know he's a good guy also."

Lily frowned, "James is completely different from Frank, and you know it."

"Whatever you say Lil," Madison exclaimed. "But the fact remains that you saved his life. He'll definitely try and owe you the favor now."

Lily looked down at her hands and groaned. She hadn't even thought about that.

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Lily had been studying almost all night in the library. She didn't even mind, she loved Potions so much. And Professor Slughorn was definitely her favorite teacher.

He almost made her his possession, she was after all his favorite student as well. And she had just gotten invited to a dinner party he was hosting. She would have to bring a date, but she had no idea who she would bring.

_James Potter._

His name kept replaying in her mind. But she would shove the thought out quickly.

She also liked being in the library, because no one could talk in there. That way people wouldn't keep saying how amazing she was for saving James, it was getting very irritating.

But to her friend's satisfaction that she would never admit to, was that she would save him all over again.

She didn't regret it. Not for a moment. But she was no hero. She would've done it for anyone. And that was the honest truth.

Lily stretched and yawn, she was very tired. She stood up and made her way to the hallway.

It was almost one o'clock and no one was around. Yet she could hear footsteps behind her. But every time she quickly looked behind her, no one was there.

She went down a darker hallway and she could still hear the footsteps. She finally hid behind a column and waited for whoever it was to show their face.

The footsteps quickened and finally they past her. She grabbed the person and through them against the wall. Her body was close to the other person and she heard the boy breath in rapidly.

She pushed them tighter against the wall and heard his voice.

"Blimey. What the hell are you doing? Get off of me!" She didn't need a light to know that it was James Potter.

Lily lightened her wand anyways, and James looked down at her.

His mouth opened quickly and he gave her a sheepish smile, "Second thought Evans, don't get off of me. Stay as close as you want, for well, as long as you want."

Lily made a sarcastic ticking noise and let go of him. "Why are you following me James?"

He ran his hand through his untidy black hair and shrugged, "I wasn't exactly following you."

She glared at him and stuck her wand at his throat.

He put his hands up, "Okay okay, don't kill me here. It was late and I was making sure you were alright."

"It's not _your_ job to make sure that I'm alright James," Lily said angrily.

"Well I do sort of, yea know, owe you," James said trying to be seductive.

Lily stared at him for a moment then turned to walk away.

She felt a rough hand on her shoulder, "Come on Evans. Don't be like that. I just wanted show you my thanks for saving my life!"

Lily turned quickly and breathed in when they were closer than she thought they were. He looked down at her and smiled, his breathing sounded just as uneven as hers.

His smile vanished and he leaned in slightly when she didn't move and before he could do what she feared he would try to do to her, she backed away quickly.

"Then just say thank you. You don't need to show me anything," Lily replied indifferently.

James shook his head, "Why do you hate me so bad?"

"Why do I hate you? Because you are annoying and a very arrogant boy, who only cares about himself. Then again you already know that so why do you even have to ask," Lily said stalking away.

Then she heard him quietly say, "You should have just let me fallen if you hated me so much."

Lily opened her mouth. She turned to argue that statement, but didn't when she saw him turn and walk the other way.

She had actually felt bad for hurting James' feelings.

"There is a first for everything I guess," Lily said walking slowly to the Gryffindor common room.

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He walked slowly and passed the Gryffindor glass case. He smiled when he saw his father's smiling face on his broom stick during a Quidditch match. His father had been a lot like him.

James knew his parents fell in love during their years at Hogwarts, and he wished he would find the love of his life there too.

And he had.

He knew he loved Lily. He always had. Especially now that she had saved his life. But he had been pampered by his parents his whole life, therefore making him spoiled and arrogant. He knew this. It wasn't some big shock to him.

Money had never been a worry to him growing up, but he soon began to realize that money didn't bring you happiness. Sure it took away normal worries of the everyday life, but it wouldn't bring him what he desired most in this world.

Lily Evans.

Or the love he wanted her to feel towards him.

Sirius had told him to just move on, there was no point to keep trying to be with her. But he couldn't just forget about her. He had tried over the summer, especially when they had met two really sexy girls at the beach. But even then, he compared all their features and their personalities to Lily.

In his eyes she was beyond perfect.

And in the past he used to love when they would quarrel with one another. He used to think of it as their way of flirting. But now it was becoming apparent that she truly disliked him in every way. To him it had been playful flirting, but to her it was fighting with someone she disgusted with.

Maybe it was time to try and move on. He had wasted five years of his life being in love with someone who truly hated him down to the core.

He was beginning to think it was too late for her to ever see the kind of person he could be.

Too late for her to ever love the real James Potter.

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	4. Fate

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**AN: Readers, I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! I have been out of town for the last week! BUT, I hope I have made it up to you with this chapter. It's the longest chapter I have ever written for any one of my stories. And I must say, I'm rather proud of the way it turned out. I hope you are too.**

**Keep reviewing xoxo. ENJOY this is for you!**

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After Lily had been pretty rude to James, he hadn't tried to talk to her for two weeks.

She kept waiting for him to make some crude remarks, to follow her, to even look at her, but he didn't. Not once.

Was it awful on her part, to actually miss him in some weird way?

Lily didn't know what she was feeling, but this was different. Something she had definitely never felted, especially towards James Potter.

She knew it had gone too far when she saw Julia Levant flirting with him in Potions class. The girl was gorgeous with her long black hair and dark blue eyes. Julia had leaned over far enough that her breasts were practically falling out of her shirt.

Lily had squeezed a glass container she was using to measure so tightly that it shattered and glass went into her hand.

Lily had practically screamed, and everyone turned to look at what was going on. She had hoped James would come running over and look at her hand, but he didn't even glance at her. Instead Severus had come running over to her, "Lily are you alright? What happened?"

"Just go away Sev! I'm fine," Lily said anxiously, tears thick in her voice. And they weren't from her cut.

Professor Slughorn had even rushed over to her assistance, "Ms. Evans, your hand! Are you alright my dear?"

At that moment she noticed Julia running her hands through James' untidy hair, and she felt sick to her stomach. Actually she felt something more than that.

A tear fell down her cheek, "No, I'm really hurt." Once again, she wasn't speaking of the ugly slice down her palm.

Severus had insisted to take her to the Hospital Wing, and the professor let him take her.

He had tried to make idle talk with her the entire way, "Lil, I really am sorry."

"For my hand? Yes, I know, quite unfortunate. I got blood all over the professor's counter," Lily had replied coldly.

Severus looked down at his feet and mumbled something that she couldn't hear.

"What?" She yelled rather rudely. Lily didn't care though. She was tired about caring for Snape's feelings when he obviously hadn't cared much about hers.

"I said, for last year. When I...well…calling you a… well, a 'you know what'," Severus said quickly.

Lily shook her head, "Oh a mudblood?"

Snape jerked at the word.

"What don't act like you despise the word, when you used it," Lily said rolling her eyes.

"Lily… please. I didn't mean it! I told you that," Severus replied desperately.

Lily looked up and saw the entrance of the hospital wing, "Well we're here. I would say thank you for walking me here, but I would have rather you hadn't."

She didn't hear him reply and almost heard a sob reach his chest. Finally he spoke almost in a whisper, "I miss you."

Lily closed her eyes and felt her heart drop. She could act heartless, but she wasn't. He made a mistake, and she did forgive him for that. But they weren't the same people they used to be. His new friends had been proof of that.

"Sev," Lily started to say.

Snape turned so quickly that Lily almost jumped, "Yes?"

"I told you how it was. I can't be there for you, not anymore. We aren't the best friends we once were. And that makes our lives no longer linked to one another."

She saw a tear roll down his cheek and it instantly made tears form in her eyes. He looked like he longed for her in every way there was too long for one you missed.

He looked down and sniffed. Lily started to turn away and sighed. She blinked and tears fell out of her eyes onto her cheeks, and she quietly said, "But for whatever it's worth. I do miss my best friend." And with that, she had walked into the hospital wing not turning when she heard him finally cry out loud.

* * *

James had tried to focus on anything that wasn't Lily. But it was harder than he thought, especially when she got hurt in their potions class. Julia Levant, one of the prettiest girls in the school had been flirting with him, and he could barely pay attention to a word that was coming out of her mouth.

Every time he stared at her, he saw flaws everywhere. The biggest flaw about Julia was that she wasn't Lily. No girl would ever compare to the girl he was madly in love with.

But what was the use. She was never going to change her opinion about him.

So he was going to try, and he could almost pass for a feeble attempt, until he heard Lily scream out in pain. The sound hurt him almost as bad as it seemed to hurt her.

It took every muscle in his body to fight his willing urge to make sure she was alright. But what was the point to run over to her? She would yell at him and tell him to go away.

What hurt him the most, was that she hadn't even tried to talk to him. Not that he was expecting her to, but he was hoping she would at least notice him.

But without him in her life, it clearly showed him that it didn't affect her at all. And that's what gave him the strength to try and move on.

He didn't need it anymore.

Why be in love with someone who would never love you back?

That would just be a lifetime of unhappiness, and he wanted to be like his parents. So in love and happy with one another, and to create a wonderful family together.

But acting like he didn't care, took a toll on him. And made him extremely grumpy. He played with his food at dinner and held his face up with his hand.

"Dude, Prongs, snap out of it my man," Sirius had said shaking him.

"Yea, seriously Prongs, this isn't like you. What's going on?" Remus said with a worry crease on his face.

He hadn't told his friends he was trying to get over her, because saying it out loud made is so real.

* * *

Lily frowned when the hospital lights had turned off. She moved around uncomfortably in the hospital bed. She did _not _want to spend the night there.

She had now been in the hospital for a while. She had thought they would just clean her injury and let her be on her way. But fate had something else planed entirely.

The potion that had been in the vile, was reacting badly to Madam Pomfrey's medicine. She had stood up and collapsed onto the floor.

"Oh good grief!" The nurse yelled running towards Lily.

Everything had gotten dark and she could barely hear the voices around her. Then she was in darkness.

When she woke up, she was lying in the hospital bed. Madam Pomfrey said they were keeping her overnight to watch over her.

She sat up and tried to refuse but the nurse scolded her to lay back down and stay put.

This was the last thing she needed the school to hear. And even though she tried to ignore it, she could almost hear what the students would say:

'_Poor Lily Evans, ends up in the hospital from an infected cut.'_

'_She's not even brave enough to survive a paper cut.'_

'_Potter deserves to be with a girl who is strong, not someone like Lily who is weak at heart.'_

She blinked her eyes open. She didn't understand why she even thought that people would say that. Or why James Potter was still floating around in her head.

Lily shook her head, "Real pathetic Lil," she muttered to herself, angry that Potter kept popping up into her mind. And she closed her eyes, attempting to push James at least out of her dreams.

* * *

James was still not paying attention to his friends as they walked back towards their common room.

He felt completely numb, like he had now for two weeks.

Then he heard some students' conversation behind him.

"Yea that's what I heard too! I can't believe Lily Evans was infected with some disease or something. It's awful, she was so bright too."

"I bet Potter is staying by her side constantly!"

His head shot up. He looked at his group of friends who were laughing about an inside joke among the Marauders.

"Don't you remember that Prongs, God the look on Snivellus' face was pure genius," Sirius said shaking with laughter.

When James didn't reply, Remus touched his shoulder, "Seriously Prongs, what has gotten into you lately?"

"What?" James said shaking his head, coming back to reality. "Oh nothing. Sorry. Just been out of it today."

"Not just today," Peter muttered.

His friends all looked at him with concerned faces.

"Listen, you old bats… Stop worrying about me for just a minute," James said with his usual smile. "I just need to go on a walk to clear my head. Then you'll see, I'm the same old me!"

They all nodded and walked into their common room except for Sirius who was raising his eyebrows.

"This is about Evans isn't it?"

James started to shake his head, but Sirius put a finger up to hush him up. "Listen, you may be able to fool those two hoolagens in there. But you can't fool me. I lived with you all summer for heaven's sake! I know you better than you know yourself."

James sighed, "It's nothing man. But if you must know, well yea, you're right as usual. It's about Evans."

"It's always about Evans with you mate," Sirius said with a smirk. "What's been going on?"

James shook his head, "It's stupid. Not worth bringing up."

"Stop being a prat and answer me you git!" Sirius said hitting him in the arm playfully.

"Fine! I'm trying to take your advice for once in my life," James started, noticing Sirius raising his eyebrow. "I have been trying to get over her."

"Are you being serious?" When James didn't answer, Sirius pressed on. "You're actually trying not to like Lily anymore? Wow, never actually thought I would see this day. And now that I have, I'm actually disappointed."

"Disappointed why? I thought you would be thrilled."

Sirius sighed, "I just say that to give you a hard time. The way a best friend does, yea know? But for a while, well especially during the summer, I could see it really wasn't some school crush."

"What are you saying?" James asked confused.

"What I'm saying is, I know you are in love with her. You always have been."

James shook his head, "That doesn't matter anymore."

"It doesn't matter anymore?" Sirius said so coldly it made James look up. After a minute Sirius smacked James hard in the head.

"Bloody hell! What was that for?"

"Love isn't something that you should just bloody throw around you bloke!"

James laughed and rubbed his now throbbing head, "Oh and this is coming from a boy who loves playing with girls, and nothing more."

"Precisely!" Sirius exclaimed loudly. "Do you know why I use them and then chuck them?"

"I have wondered that for years actually," James replied with a laugh.

Sirius shook his head and James could see he was now being completely serious. "I have never found what you have always felt. You have the ability to love others. And you finally love someone!"

"Who will never love me back!" James shouted back.

"That's not the point mate," Sirius replied almost sadly. "I have always been jealous of you for that."

"You. Jealous of me? Now you have got to be the one who's kidding!"

Sirius glared at his friend, "I'm not bloody well joking! I'm being completely serious you arse. Listen, I have never loved anyone in that way. And no one has truly loved me in that way. It's as if I'm incapable of loving another person. I suppose I have my family to thank for that."

James patted his friend on the back. And Sirius smiled, "Well you know I love you, but you are practically my brother so that doesn't even count. And who cares if she doesn't love you back. She could! You never know what these next two years of school will bring. Don't just give up, not now! Not after all these years of loving her, and _finally_ being able to admit it."

"I understand what you are saying Padfoot, and I appreciate it! Really I do," James finally replied. "I just don't know anymore."

Sirius slowly smiled at him, "Well, I think this little chat helped."

James shook his head, because the chat hadn't really helped much at all. But he did feel slightly better, that was their relationship. They always brought the best and worst out of each other.

"Thanks you bloke!" James said smiling back.

Sirius turned to walk inside and James could hear him say, "Go see her." Then he entered the common room, closing the door behind him.

* * *

He knew he would get into trouble trying to visit Lily at this time of night. So he went and grabbed the Cloak of Invisibility which had been passed down through his family. When he entered his room he noticed a letter sitting on his bed. It was from his mum and it read as followed:

**James darling,**

**I miss you so! How's the new school year treating you so far? The house simply isn't the same without you and Sirius creating mischief in it. I miss you both deeply, and so does your father. OH and remember at home how I would give you a piece of advice every night before bed, well here is some that will make up for two weeks worth: **_**Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same.**_** Keep that in mind my baby boy. **

**Love you always,**

**Mum.**

He kept reading the letter over and over until he couldn't read the words any longer. What was going on with the world? It was as if fate kept following him around, not letting him out of its sight. He took the piece with the love quote and ripped it off of the letter.

James put it in his pocket and wrapped the cloak around him.

He crept through the halls and dodged his way around the Prefects and the Head Boy and Head Girl. He had done this countless times at his own amusement, but this time he was nervous. And he wasn't nervous about being caught, he was nervous to see her.

The moment he saw her red hair and her green almond shape eyes, he knew any feeble progress he had made would be shot to hell.

He finally made it to the Hospital Wing and saw Madam Pomfrey asleep in a chair, a pen still in her pale hand.

James tiptoed around her and made his way to where the hospital beds were. He opened a door as quietly as he could and closed it slowly.

He looked around in the darkness, but he could feel her presence immediately.

It was as if there was this warmth around her that was pulling him towards her.

James saw her lying in the bed, and the sight of her took his breath away completely. For two weeks he had managed not to make any eye contact to her face. And now that he was looking at her again, he knew he would never be able to look away again.

How could he have done it? There were no words to express how much he had missed this.

Her.

His everything.

James sat in a chair next to her and marveled at her beauty. Her red hair was fanned out around her. Her plump red lips looked soft and calm. Her hands were clenched together, but in a relaxing sort of way on her stomach. Her face was as white as snow, and he was reminded of a muggle story his mother had read to him when he was little. A story called _Snow White._

Lily was a princess in every way. She was the beauty of one, and the heart of one. He knew even though she despised him, she was the best person in the world. She wouldn't hurt a fly.

His fingers exited the cloak and made their way to her face. He couldn't stop them. James had never seen her look so peaceful. This was after all, the first time he had ever seen her in a deep sleep.

James touched her cheek as soft as he could and she moved slightly, but she didn't wake up.

He quickly put his fingers back into his pocket and felt the paper in there. He pulled it out and looked down at the quote that brought him back to reality more than his best friend had.

James knew it was stupid, but he slid the quote into her injured hand softly. He knew it would be the first place she would look. He wanted to keep a piece of him with her always, even though he wished she would take his heart instead. But she kept denying it, so this would have to do for know.

He sighed, not wanting to leave her, but knew if he didn't it would make it that much harder to leave her.

James started to walk away when he heard her speak.

"James..."

He turned so fast, that he almost tripped over his own feet.

Had she woken up?

James sat their barely breathing for a moment and realized Lily was still sleeping.

She was dreaming.

And she was dreaming of him.

The feeling almost knocked him over.

He had felt nothing like this before, it was a feeling that was definitely greater than love itself.

James walked back over to her and noticed her mouth was now slightly open.

He felt a happiness he had never felt before, but he shook it off. She was probably speaking of a different James, though his heart was telling him differently.

James almost thought he imagined it until she said it again, "Pott..er.."

"Oh my God," He breathed out breathlessly.

It was him that she was thinking about.

He was in his own personal heaven. And he never wanted to leave.

There was the strongest urge to kiss her lips. And deep down he knew it was wrong to kiss her in this way, but he didn't care.

He was for the first time in weeks, going to take advantage of this situation.

James thought about taking the cloak off but didn't for the fear of getting caught.

This wasn't for her, this was for him. He needed her. And he needed her now.

He bent down and uncovered his face slightly from the cloak. James smiled once as he felt her breath touch his face. She smelled of roses and strawberries. He knew this smell well.

James had dreamed about this moment for sixteen years now, and it was finally about to happen.

Slowly he touched his lips to hers. And felt a shock go through their lips. He jolted back and dropped the cloak to the floor.

James quickly covered himself back up and looked at her.

Lily had opened her eyes.

It was just like the _Snow White _story. Was he her prince?

Lily moved her eyes around for a moment and closed her eyes sleepily. Then he noticed a smile form onto her perfect lips and heard her hand clutch tightly around the love quote he had placed in it.

Knowing he had to make himself leave before he kissed her for a second time, he almost ran out of the hospital wing. But he didn't feel like he was running, he felt like he was flying.

He was in love. And always would be in love, with her.

* * *


	5. Beginning

* * *

**AN: Hey readers! Thanks so much for the reviews. I really appreciate them. They make me smile :)**

**Here is to:  
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**-Just had to acknowledge you all!! Thanks for giving my story a chance. Means a lot!**

**Anyways, I hope you like this chapter- it's a long & goodie. That's for sure. It's about to get even better from here on out!!! Take care. xoxo**

**PS: I might later on change the story to 'M' just keep that in mind. It's a big possibility!**

* * *

"_Move away!"_

"_No, please I'll do anything… just don't hurt him!!!" _

_"Don't make me hurt you."_

_"Just take me instead, I'm begging you."_

"_I'm only going to ask once more… MOVE!"_

"PLEASE NO!" Lily yelled.

She woke up looking around disoriented. The nurse came running into the hospital room, "Lily dear, are you alright?"

Lily sat for a minute trying to remember the nightmare. But all she could remember was a bright green light. She shivered at the thought and looked up, "Oh I'm fine. Just a nightmare, nothing to worry about."

Madam Pomfrey walked over and took Lily's temperature. The nurse smiled, "Okay good. Well dear I think you're ready to leave now."

_Thank God, _Lily thought starting to stand up. That's when she noticed something in her injured hand.

She lifted up the ripped piece of paper and read it:

_**Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same. **_

The quote was beautiful, yet very sad.

She read over the words again and again.

"Madam Pomfrey?"

The nurse looked up, "Yes dear?"

Lily's face scrunched up when she spoke, "Do you know where this paper came from? It was in my hand when I woke up?"

Madam Pomfrey took the note and read it. Then she shook her head after a moment, "That's weird. I checked on your hand when you were sleeping and it wasn't there. Hmm… strange."

Someone must have put it there. She must've had a visitor and for some reason she was hoping it was someone that she swore not to think about any longer.

"Did I have any visitors?"

The nurse sat there a moment thinking. Finally she nodded, "Yes actually you did."

Lily felt her stomach start to stir and felt herself blush. She waited for Madam Pomfrey to say his name.

"Today in fact. It was Ms. Alice, she was very worried about you. You were taking a nap though, so she didn't want to wake you."

Lily's face fell, "Oh that's the only visitor?"

Madam Pomfrey pondered for another minute or two, "Oh of course I'm forgetting someone!"

The butterflies started fluttering once more and Lily waited patiently.

"Ms. Madison came last night, but I told her she would have to wait. You needed to rest off the infection. That's why you slept so long. I actually gave you a magic sleeping pill."

Lily wasn't upset about the sleeping pill. She was upset that he hadn't come to see her. But what did she expect? She treated him awfully and never gave him the time of day. Why was now supposed to be different?

_I guess he's finally moving on,_ Lily thought sadly. Then she shook her head, _why should I care? It's James Potter for God's sake. He means nothing to me._

She just wished she could convince her heart that.

* * *

"What's gotten into you today? It's a totally reversal mood!" Sirius said with a laugh as he and James walked to their Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

James couldn't even sleep last night. He was on a high and he never wanted to come down. "Oh I don't know, just something about today is making me feel good."

"And it has absolutely nothing to do with Evans?"

James snapped out of his trance and looked over at Sirius, "Of course not. Why would you think that? Lily doesn't control my moods. I really don't even care anymore."

Of course he was lying, he cared about her so much that he thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest. But he didn't want the whole world mocking him for it, not anymore.

Sirius just rolled his eyes, "Sometimes I feel like I'm a friend with a Mandrake root."

James laughed and shook his head, "Please," He muttered sarcastically. "Can I not just be in a good mood?"

"Whatever you say Prongs," Sirius said pulling James into their class.

James looked behind him and caught sight of Lily's red hair. She was making her way in the other direction quickly.

He smiled. Of course the reason he was in a good mood was because of her. She was all of his reasons.

* * *

She had been making her way from the Hospital Wing when she saw James and Sirius walking right towards her.

They had been in deep conversation, so neither saw her and she hid behind a beam. She knew she was being foolish but she didn't want to hear any smart ass comment from either of them, or did she?

For some reason she was embarrassed to see James. She felt as if somehow he had given her that note. But he couldn't have, could he?

Lily heard them making their way closer and was ignoring them until she heard her name.

"And it has absolutely nothing to do with Evans?" She heard Sirius ask.

"Of course not. Why would you think that? Lily doesn't control my moods. I really don't even care anymore." James said sounding rather annoyed.

After that comment she didn't even pay attention anymore. For some reason tears were forming in her eyes.

Why was he affecting her so much lately?

If it had been James that had given her the note, then she could actually justify for starting to somewhat like him.

But he hadn't been the one. No he couldn't have, he practically admitted she meant nothing to him.

When they were almost into the Defense Against the Dark Arts class, she turned and made her way to potions, wiping the tears away as she walked.

* * *

Lily had hoped that her Potions class would've cheered her up, but instead it was making her feel even worse.

She was definitely having an off day and her potion almost exploded in her face.

"Oh Ms. Evans are you alright?"

Lily noticed that the entire class, Snape couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

She felt her face blush and she nodded quickly, "Yes Professor. Sorry about that. Just having trouble with this today is all."

Lily pushed her long hair back into a ponytail and sat down with a frown.

Slughorn smiled, "No worries my dear! You are always so wonderful at this class, I was starting to think you were getting better than me."

"Oh of course not, you're the best Potions teacher I have ever met!" She said with a huge smile.

Slughorn shook his head, "Oh no, no. You're too kind my dear, too kind indeed."

He started to walk away but turned as if he forgot to say something, "I forgot Ms. Evans."

She looked up at him with her full attention, "Yes sir?"

"It's about my little get together. You know how I moved it to Christmas? Well something came up the day I wanted to do it, and well, I was thinking we could do it tomorrow night instead. If you aren't too busy with your studies of course."

Lily opened her mouth in horror. Tomorrow was definitely too soon, she couldn't find a date that soon. But of course she couldn't tell her favorite Professor that. She was already making a mockery out of his classroom.

"Oh that would be no problem at all, I cannot wait!" Lily replied, trying her best to sound enthused. Maybe he had changed his mind about bringing a date anyways.

"That's my girl. Oh and don't forget to bring a date," Slughorn said with a huge grin and stalked off to another student who was also in the Slug Club.

And there it was.

_Date._

The word was a nightmare in itself. She looked over and saw Snape smile at her.

_If only things were still good between us, _Lily thought sadly. Back in the day she asked Snape to do everything with her. But she couldn't, not anymore.

Lily looked away and started to bite her nails, she needed an emergency meeting with her friends as soon as possible.

Who on earth was she going to ask?

To her dismay, one name kept coming to her mind.

James.

* * *

James smiled as he remembered kissing her soft lips for the first time. It was better than he could've dreamed it to be. It had been their first kiss. Well the first kiss for him. They hadn't exactly shared 'their' first kiss.

They all made their way to the Great Hall for dinner, and he couldn't help looking for her.

He hadn't seen her all day, except for the back of her head during the morning. And he actually missed seeing her face, even though it had been a couple of hours since he had seen her up close and personal.

James was walking and smacked right into someone, "Oh I'm sorry. Wasn't paying attention." He looked at the person and backed away in disgust.

Severus stood there glaring at him, "That wouldn't be a first for you."

"I take it back Snivelly, I'm not sorry. You are the one who should be sorry! You got grease all over my school robes."

"Shut your mouth!" Snape yelled in his face.

"I cannot believe you two are still at it," He heard her voice say.

James' eyes shot down at Lily's beautiful face who, was to his surprise, smirking at him.

Severus looked at her and walked away quickly. Guess they definitely weren't friends anymore.

"I can't help it Evans, he makes it too easy," James said running his hand through his hair.

She smiled at him, "Yea, I suppose you're right."

James' mouth fell open in shock. Where was this coming from? "Come again Evans? Did you actually agree with me?"

Lily nodded, "I know, shocker right?"

"Well I always knew you were full of surprises. Care to surprise me anymore?"

Lily sat there for a moment and stared at him. She gave him a look that made his heart melt. His humor washed away and he stared deep into her Emerald eyes.

They stood there for a moment, staring into each other's eyes.

His heart started quickening and he didn't ever want to look away. Unfortunately fate had other plans.

"Come on Potter I'm starving," Sirius said grabbing his arm.

He noticed Lily blush and quickly turn the other way to go sit with her friends.

They were in two completely different worlds, yet all he wanted in life, was to share them.

* * *

Lily plopped down in between her friends and stared at her hands with her mouth open. What had gotten into her? She was now making a complete fool of herself. She half expected James to completely ignore her as he had been for the last two weeks.

But he hadn't. If anything they shared something they had never had before, a moment without saying anything mean or ridiculous. Just a moment of staring at each other.

Lily started feeling something, but what was this new feeling? She couldn't actually like James Potter.

She wouldn't let herself. It would never happen, and she would definitely make sure of it.

"Lil are you alright love?" Alice asked with a worried crease on her forehead.

Lily nodded, "Yes, I'm okay. How are you girls doing?"

"I don't buy it," Madison said with a laugh.

"Buy what?" Lily asked raising an eyebrow.

Madison took a bite of her roll, "You're not telling us something. You were just in la la land, and it was very unlike you. We are your best friends after all."

"Oh she was not Maddy, she's just happy to see us, right Lil?" Alice asked touching her shoulder lightly.

Lily smiled. She could always count on Alice to break the awkward conversations, "Exactly. I just missed you two. You know being in the hospital is very lonely!"

"Hey we did come visit you. Wasn't our fault you were sleeping the entire time," Madison said forgetting the previous conversation.

But Lily almost didn't want Madison to forget her statement. She did need to discuss something with them. "Hey girls?"

Her friends turned to look at her.

Lily sighed then spoke, "Would it be alright if I spoke to you after dinner?"

"I knew it!" Madison yelled loudly. Half the Gryffindor table was now looking towards them.

* * *

The girls were sitting in the common room and talking quietly.

Lily had told them she had to pick a date, and tonight was the night.

"Oh wow. Well who are some of your choices Lil?" Alice asked looking sympathetic.

Lily shook her head, "You see. That's the problem."

Alice, "Well come up with a few. It can't hurt you know?"

Lily sighed and rested her chin on her hands, "Well I can't ask Severus, hmm, maybe Frank. He's really nice."

Alice look startled, "Oh really? You were considering asking Frank?" Lily could've punched herself. She totally forgot her friend had a huge crush on him.

"No of course not," Lily said winking at Alice.

"Oh well you could've, but okay moving along," Alice replied blushing.

Lily sat back on the couch and groaned, "See, there is no one! It's hopeless."

"Well you know this should be fun girl. And you are making it seem like you have to go take a test or something!" Madison said indifferently as she painted her nails.

"Is someone a little jealous?" Alice asked with a laugh.

Madison rolled her eyes, "No. I wouldn't go even if Professor Slughorn asked me to."

"You sure you don't want to go in my place?" Lily asked Madison looking over at Alice with a smirk.

Madison jumped off the floor spilling the nail polish everywhere, "Oh my God, can I?"

No one answered, instead Lily and Alice burst out laughing. Madison glared, "That wasn't nice you prats."

"Oh you know we love you," Lily said as she stood up to give her best friend a hug.

Madison relaxed, "Yea, you're lucky because I love you too."

"Yes finally! Girl on girl action!! This will make my day complete."

The girls broke apart and saw Sirius and his friends standing there with a smile.

"You wish Sirius," Madison said blushing.

Sirius nodded, "You got that right!"

Remus looked embarrassed and nudged Sirius to be quiet. Sirius turned, "Oh come on Moony. You know it would be the highlight of your life."

"You really should learn some class, it wouldn't hurt you. Well I don't think it would that is," Remus said with a small smile.

Everyone burst out laughing except Sirius, "Hey I have class! I'm a very respectful young man." After that statement everyone laughed even harder.

Sirius glared, "Fine. Keep laughing ladies, none of you will be getting any of the Blackness tonight."

Madison stopped laughing immediately.

He stalked off to the boys dormitory and Peter followed quickly.

James patted Remus on the back, "Thanks mate. I needed a good laugh." Remus just shook his head and made his way to a seat by the fireplace.

After a moment James followed sitting beside him, not once looking over at Lily.

Lily sat back down on the couch and her friends took a seat by her. She looked around and saw James frowning at his homework. Then she looked over at Remus and smiled.

"Hey, you know who I can ask?"

The girls leaned in and waited. Lily pointed behind her.

"See what did I tell you Alice? She does like him!" Madison said shaking her head with a smile.

Lily felt confused, "What?"

She saw Madison mouth Potter. Lily shook her head, "No, I meant Remus."

"Really?" Alice said now being the one who was confused.

"Why not?" Lily asked. He was a perfect gentlemen, he would be the perfect date.

Madison shook her head, "Duh Lil. Isn't it obvious?" When Lily didn't answer, Madison glared at her, "That's James' best friend. You can't do that to him."

"What would he care?" Lily truly meant that. She hadn't told her best friends what she heard earlier that day. James didn't care about her, not anymore at least. He had said so himself.

"Oh I don't know, because he's in love with you," Madison replied almost shaking Lily.

Lily grabbed Madison's hands and held them still, "No he doesn't. Believe me I know."

"I actually have to agree with Madison on this one Lil. I think it would honestly crush him. Plus it would put Lupin in an awkward position you know?" Alice said biting her lip. She was always so nice.

Lily stood up, "Fine. Just forget it. I'm not going!" She knew she was being childish, but she was too angry to care.

Why couldn't she have one special person in her life? For a moment she started to miss Severus. Life used to be so much easier, now it was completely complicated.

She stalked out of the common room and didn't notice that James had been staring at her the entire time.

* * *

James had tried not to make it obvious that he was staring at Lily, but it didn't worked very well. He was almost caught when all three of the girls looked over at him and Remus.

He put his head down and heard Lily shout and then stalking out of the room back into the school.

What had she meant that she wasn't going? Going where? He was definitely going to find out.

"Hey I'll be back in a moment Moony," James said standing up.

"Mmhmm," he was too into his Werewolf book to say much more than that.

He saw Alice start to follow Lily, but she paused when she saw James doing the same thing.

"Let me," James mouthed.

Alice smiled and gave him a thumbs up. He always liked Alice. She was very easy to be around, and was never moody. She was always kind. He was like another boy he was pretty good friends with; Frank Longbottom. He always thought they would be a good couple. Maybe one day he would have to play match maker.

James quickly went out in the hallway and saw Lily sitting above the stairs.

"Staring at the portraits before bedtime Evans? They are quite soothing I must say."

Lily turned towards him and rolled her eyes, "Yup, I just can't get enough of them."

He smiled. She was always so good at making him smile and she didn't even know her affect that she had on him.

James sat by her and almost waited for her to get up and move, but she didn't.

"Really what's up? Are you okay?" James said looking down at her soft pale arms which he wanted to touch very badly.

She looked up at him, "Why would you even care?"

Here it was. Even after their moment in the great hall, she was back to being like her usual self.

He was tired, especially after sitting with her all night. And he really didn't want to fight with her. Not right now.

"Just forget it," James said as he started to stand up.

"No, I'm being serious James. Why would you even care?"

He looked down at her, "The fact that you even have to ask that, is insulting you know?"

"Well you're two different people, so it's hard to tell," Lily mumbled looking down at her hands.

James sat back down by her, "What's that supposed to mean Evans?"

She didn't look at him as she spoke, "You tell your friends one thing and tell me something different. The truth is nice every once and a while. You might want to keep that in mind Potter."

He was confused, what did she mean by this? He kept thinking of how he had irritated her now and finally it came to his mind. She must've heard him this morning when he told Sirius that he didn't even care about her anymore.

James groaned and Lily looked up, "I'm sorry."

"Excuse me?" Lily asked.

But he didn't answer her. He had tried so hard to make her and the rest of the world believe that he didn't want her anymore. But as if there were anyway he could live without needing her. It was a joke really.

Without thinking what he was doing he grabbed her hand. She tried to pull it away, but he held it more firmly.

Finally she gave up trying to pull it out of his hand. She looked up at him and they stared into each other's eyes for the second time that day.

His thumb started to stroke her hand and she opened her mouth slightly. Finally he spoke, "I care, believe me."

James heard Lily's breathe shake and she bit her lip.

He didn't want to push his luck with her anymore tonight. James stood up and started to walk back towards the common room.

All the sudden he heard her get up. Then he heard her say, "Want to be my date?"

* * *


	6. Preparing

* * *

**AN: Hey there readers! Thanks as always for reading my story and reviewing it!! Or adding it as a favorite, or the alert. And I must say when the readers add me as their favorite author it truly touches me, so thank you. **

**I hope you will like this chapter. The big events are going to be starting from here on out, that's a promise :) Enjoy. I'll update soon!!**

**PS: The story might be changing to MATURE in a few more chapters, just to let you know.. I'm still debating! Ha.**

**xoxo.**

* * *

James spun around, "What did you say Evans?"

Lily groaned and put her head in her hands. Then she mumbled, "Will you be my date for a dinner party?"

"Evans, I didn't quite hear you. Could you possibly speak up?" James said with a huge grin.

She looked up at him and stood up, shaking her head, "Never mind. Forget I said anything."

"No way! You aren't getting out of this," James replied grabbing her arm softly. "Now explain."

Lily looked into his eyes and shook her head, "It's nothing, so don't get your knickers all twisted up in a bunch."

James laughed, "Maybe I'll just take my knickers off all together, would that be better?"

"Yup, bad idea," Lilly said trying to get past him. "I should've known you wouldn't take this at all seriously."

He grabbed her once more, "Yes I will! I'm just kidding with you. You do need to lighten up a bit gorgeous." When she glared at him he continued, "Just tell me, I promise I won't say another word. Cross my wand."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Well like I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted me, Professor Slughorn is having a get together with some of his fa- well, students."

"You can say it, Evans. His favorites. The Slug Club, believe me, we have all heard about it and his obviously love for you."

"I thought you were going to keep your mouth shut?"

James winked at her, "I can't help it Evans. You're just so feisty, that's what I love about you. But hell yea, I'm in and I'll be the best date ever!"

"It's not a date."

"Evans, you just asked me if I'll be your _date, _so don't be a hypocrite," James said raising his eyebrows.

He could joke all he wanted, but was this actually happening? Lily Evans asking him on an actual date. _She could've asked anyone in the entire school, and she asked me. I'm in complete shock right now._

"Well then, go with me as a favor, alright?" Lily said blushing slightly.

James walked closer to her, "Evans, I'll go anywhere with you." He was close enough to touch her and she put her hand up slightly to separate them.

"It's actually tomorrow, is that okay? I mean I don't know if you have a lot of homework or not, but I'm sure it won't go too late," Lily said biting her lip nervously.

He rolled his eyes. As if any amount of homework or studying was going to keep him from spending an entire night with her. Not a chance.

"Evans, I won't bail on you if that's what you're worried about," James said giving her a sympathetic smile.

She laughed without humor, "Yea, that's what I'm worried about. Do me a favor, bail on me, then it will save me from night of listening to your arrogance."

"You love that I'm arrogant, admit it! I'm growing on you, I can tell." He smiled at her and continued, "Lily, you asked me to this thing, not the other way around," James started to make his way back into the common room, "Oh and by the way," James said turning around to face her again, "No force on this earth would ever make me bail on you. Keep that in mind." Then he turned and made his way into the common room.

* * *

Lily could not sleep for the life of her. Had she made a horrible mistake? Even though she thought she had, something inside of her was thrilled to be going with him.

She didn't know what it was, but it was strong, and it was making her nervous.

Why would she be nervous? What did she have to be nervous about? Nothing, that's what. She would go to the party, and ignore him. His wit got extremely annoying, and she wouldn't want Professor Slughorn to think lower of her because of James.

Still the thought of them spending time together made her smile slightly. Why did James Potter have this effect on her? She would figure it out, sooner than later.

* * *

James practically ran to his room. It was late, but he didn't care.

He went over to Sirius' bed and started shaking his best friend.

Sirius groaned, "Go away, I'm dreaming of models."

"Not a chance in hell, now get up! I have something to tell you," James said excitedly.

"Tell me tomorrow, nothing can be that important to wake me up from my beauty sleep," Sirius mumbled into his pillow.

James smiled and leaned down to Sirius' ear, "Lily Evans asked me to be her date to a party tomorrow night."

Sirius jerked up and his head smacked right into James' nose. James held his nose, "Damn Padfoot."

But Sirius wasn't listening, "Merlin's Beard! Are you kidding me right now?" He asked rubbing his head.

James sniffed and rubbed his hurt nose, but shook his head.

"Blimey!" Sirius said with a laugh turning on the light next to his bed. "This is big, like really, really big Prongs!"

James nodded with a smile, "I told you sleeping beauty!"

"So what kind of party are we talking about, oh and when and what time do I get to crash it?" Sirius said looking excited.

James sighed and sat next to Sirius on the bed, "That's the thing. It's one of Slughorn's parties, the ones that we're never invited to."

"Hell yea! I always wanted to go to one of those. God, what am I going to wear?" Sirius said starting to stand up.

But James grabbed his wrist, "I'm afraid you can't crash this party mate. Not unless you've been asked."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "When has that ever stopped me before?"

"Listen Padfoot," James said ruffling his hair with his hand, "I need to make a good impression with Lily. This is my shot, it's our first date. I don't want to ruin it, and if you come crashing in, well she'll probably never speak to me again. And that's worse than fighting with her."

Sirius groaned, "Ugh. Fine! Be that way. But next time, I'm crashing."

"Be my guest," James said getting off his bed.

"Yea, move. I want to get back to my dreams," Sirius said getting back into the sheets.

James smiled, "Love you brother."

"Yea, yea. Too bad you love Evans more. Guess I know what you'll be dreaming about tonight," Sirius said. Then after what was about two seconds, he was snoring once more.

James pulled off his shirt and slid into his PJ bottoms. He got into his bed and turned off the light. His hands went behind his head and he smiled.

He always dreamt about Lily, but tonight he wouldn't be dreaming at all, because his dreams were already coming true.

* * *

The day seemed to drag and Lily couldn't help but keep watching the clock.

She was so anxious for the party, that she couldn't pay attention in her classes at all.

At lunch she stole a glance down the table and saw James staring at her with his mouth open. When he saw her look at him, he immediately shut his mouth and smiled at her.

She couldn't help but smile back, he just looked so excited, and she had caused that excitement. It actually made her feel good for a change.

Lily left the Great Hall early so she could go get ready for the evening. On her way out she ran right into someone, "Oh I'm sorry."

She looked and saw Severus standing in front of her. Usually he would apologize but he was just glaring down at her.

It was an awkward moment and right when Lily was about to walk away, he spoke, "Tell me it's not true."

She noticed he had spoken through his teeth, she could tell he was mad, very mad.

"What are you talking about Sev?"

Severus just shook his head, "What's this I hear about you and Potter going on a date?"

Here it was. The jealousy was kicking in again. When they used to be friends, they would argue about James constantly. Severus hated the fact that James liked her, and he would say or do anything he could to agree with him.

"Not that it's any of your business, but yes we are."

Severus swore and a first year gasped and ran passed him faster.

"Very nice Sev. Your new friends teaching you those foul words now?" Lily said returning the glare.

But Severus ignored her, "You know what kind of guy he is, so why are you doing this?"

"Oh my God Sev, it's just one of Slughorn's dinner parties. It's nothing to get worked up about!" Lily spat out now irritated.

Snape groaned, "That's how it will start. But just watch, you two will fall madly in love and get married or something stupid like that."

Lily laughed and pushed her hair behind her shoulders, "Me, marry James Potter? That's a good one Sev. Least you can still come up with one or two good ones."

She started to walk away and she heard him yell, "You have no future with Potter! Understand that Lily. It will only end in misery."

Lily shook her head angrily. The nerve of him. This time he had really gotten to her and she knew it was stupid to get upset. But the way he said 'It will only end in misery' kept replaying in her head.

* * *

"You promise I smell okay?"

Remus laughed, but Sirius groaned, "I swear, if you ask me one more time I'm going to bludger you!"

"What he means is, don't be nervous Prongs. You look great!" Remus said with a soft smile.

"Least I can count on you Moony," James replied, slapping him friendly on the back.

He looked at his reflection again and smiled. He did look pretty handsome, but the nerves were starting to consume him.

"I still say you take a sip of this butterbeer. It's extra strong, and you'll actually relax," Sirius said taking another sip from his can.

"You shouldn't even have those up here, we'll get in serious trouble!" Peter said looking around.

Sirius snorted, "On second thought Prongs, I think Wormtail needs this more than you do."

James sighed and shook his head, "That's probably a lie. I probably need it more than anyone has ever needed it. But I can't do that, what if I get all loopy and make a complete arse out of myself."

"Well then Lily will never ask you out again, and she'll invite me next time," Sirius said with a laugh.

James glared at him, "Watch it Padfoot."

"I'm just kidding, but hey. I'll put some in a flask, just in case," Sirius said pouring the butterbeer into a flask.

James just shook his head and smiled, smoothing his hair once more.

"Well Prongs it's time you go and meet her downstairs," Remus said with a grin.

Fear consumed James once more and he looked at Sirius and the flask, "Give me that!"

* * *

Lily wished she had something to calm her nerves down, but she would just have to endure it.

She made her friends go back to their rooms so they wouldn't embarrass her. Madison stomped back upstairs with her camera in her hand. But Alice gave her a supportive hug, "You'll have the time of your life Lil, I just know it!"

At least she could hope that was true. She felt like she looked good in her black dress. It was a casual dress that her mother had bought her for a birthday present. It was tight and short, but not too short. Lily had saved it for a special occasion, and she felt as if this was the night to wear it.

Her hair was curled and she had a green sparkling headband in her hair. And she had cute green high heels to match, which made her legs look a lot longer. She had let Madison put more make up on her than she would've liked, but after words when she had seen herself in the mirror, she was pleased.

Lily looked over at the clock and she realized it was time. She sat there for a minute but didn't see him coming out of the boy's dormitory. She bit her lip and prayed he wouldn't have taken her up on her offer to bail on her.

But that fear burst like a bubble when she heard a rumbling down the stairs.

Then she heard, "God Wormtail you almost knocked me down the stairs."

"Well Remus was pushing!" She heard Peter yell.

"All of you just shut it," James said in a loud whisper.

Lily couldn't help but laugh. They could be very annoying boys, but they were definitely an amusing bunch.

They all were at the base of the steps and didn't even notice her. Finally after they were done pushing one another, Sirius smacked James on the back and they all looked up at her.

The butterflies flew back into her stomach and she had wished she had kept her friends by her side. She finally spoke softly when none of them did, "Hey boys." She smiled slightly and felt her cheeks blush as they all stood gazing at her with their mouths open.

She could really use a drink about now.

* * *

He couldn't think. He couldn't breath. He couldn't even function. All James could do was stare at the brilliance that was Lily Evans.

She was so gorgeous that he simply couldn't look away. She was always beautiful before of course, but something about the way she looked tonight was different.

The dress fit her so perfectly and it was not too short, but short enough to make his fantasies bounce all over inside of his head.

Her long soft luscious legs looked amazing with her high heels and her red hair was curled beautiful. He also noticed she was wearing more make up, not that she needed it, but it defined her eyes so they really stood out.

Finally when the silence became extremely awkward he heard Remus speak, "Wow Lily. You look absolutely amazing."

He felt foolish that he wasn't the first one to tell her that fact, but he knew he would have all night to tell her, that is if he could take his eyes off of her for a moment and speak.

"All I have to say Evans is… DAMN!" Sirius yelled with a laugh.

Peter shuffled uncomfortably, "You do look very beautiful Lily, as always."

His friend's comments finally pulled him out of his love sick trance. He looked at them and glared and they all backed up.

Lily was gazing right at him with wide eyes and he saw a smile appear on her face, "You look good James."

But he still couldn't speak. What was wrong with him? He always had something to say. He almost wished he had gotten completely toasted before this so he would have his normal courage. The courage that was now melting away from her gaze.

Sirius nodded him and whispered, "Snap out of it you prat. She's going to think you're mentally unstable!"

James nodded, "Um, thanks." He could've kicked himself. _That's it you idiot? That's all you have to say to the girl you love who looks breathtaking at the moment. _He opened his mouth again, "We better get going, don't want to be late."

Lily looked embarrassed and bit her lip, but she nodded.

They started walking out and James looked back at his friends. He heard them mouth for him to 'knock it off' and 'don't be stupid.'

Lily looked back at his friends and they all shut their mouths instantly, "Have a good night you guys."

"Not as good as you two will have I'm sure," Sirius said winking at the two of them.

James glared at him and Remus hit him in the arm, "What?" He heard Sirius yell before the portrait closed behind them.

He looked over to apologize for his friends, but when he did she was already staring at him with a breathtaking smile upon her face.

Once again he was lost in her beauty. After a minute of not saying anything to her, he noticed her look away and he once again felt like a complete fool.

Yes, this was definitely new territory.

* * *


	7. The First Date

* * *

**AN: THANKS THANKS THANKS again for the reviews :) I updated this chapter quickly this time, so it's not as long as the others. But It's leading up to the next chapter I promise. So don't be discouraged. Enjoy!!! And don't forget, love doesn't always make sense at first. **

* * *

They walked in silence except for Lily's high heels clicking onto the floor.

She had never heard him so quiet in the entire six years she had known him. Lily looked over at him again and he was staring at his feet.

She wanted to ask if he was alright, but she bit her tongue.

Finally she heard Professor Slughorn's loud voice through the door, "Well here we go."

James looked at her and nodded, "Yup," was all he replied back. She rolled her eyes. This was going to be a fun evening.

The professor looked over at the couple, "Ms. Evans!! You were the student I was waiting for. Glad you could make it, I was beginning to think you skipped out."

Lily shook her head, "Oh of course not. You know me, I would never miss one of your functions!"

She heard James snort, and was almost relieved that he made some distinction that he was still functioning next to her.

Professor Slughorn didn't miss the snort either, and he looked over at James, "And who might this young strapping boy be?"

She saw James roll his eyes, "James Potter sir. I've been in your potions class for almost six years now."

"Oh right, right," Slughorn said scrutinizing James for a moment. Then his face lit up, "Wait a moment! Is your father Christopher Potter? The main Quidditch Chaser for Gryffindor?"

James smiled and seemed rather smug when he answered, "That would be the exact one sir!"

"Brilliant, brilliant," Horace replied then looking over at another student.

James finally spoke to Lily in his everyday matter, "That's it? Gee, how do you get to be a "favorite" then?"

Lily laughed quietly, "You have to pretty much be perfect in every way."

"Well I can see why you are among one of his favorites then," James said staring into her eyes.

Lily blushed and looked down. She knew she shouldn't feel embarrassed, James had always complimented her, but the way he had stared at her for the entire evening and just then, well it was different than before.

"Dinner time then!" The professor said clapping his hands.

The dinner table lit up and tons of food appeared onto the beautifully decorated table.

James looked impressed, "Well, look at that. I thought Dumbledore was the only one who could make that happen."

"Little do you know," Lily said winking at him.

He pulled her dinner chair out to for her and then pushed her in slowly. Then he sat next to her.

James smiled, "I guess you're right. You might have to ask me to a few more of these parties, because I highly doubt I made a big impression on him."

They both laughed, than Lily spoke, "We'll see how the night goes first Potter. Don't push your luck!"

James stared at her and spoke the truth, "Don't I always?"

She then looked into his eyes and she couldn't break the gaze between them. Lily felt it again and the butterflies began to stir.

"Ms. Evans," Lily had to force herself to look away from James' gaze. She looked over at Slughorn, "Why don't you tell everyone about how you were the first to make 'Liquid Luck.'

Lily blushed and she saw James look at her with an impressed sort of expression.

And so the questions began.

It wouldn't be a Slug Club party without them.

* * *

Dinner was full of pointless stories, but as usual, there was extremely good food.

They all got up from the table and Slughorn hit his glass, "Let's have a fun night. This is our last party for a while. So stay later than usual."

"Wow, we actually have permission to stay up late! Too bad Sirius isn't here," James said nudging Lily.

Lily almost replied when Professor Slughorn called her once again. She could never actually relax at one of his parties.

"Oh Lily dear?" The professor almost shouted, "I want you to meet Barnabus Cuffe! Excellent writer he is, and a seventh year."

Lily waved at the tall boy who now was looking at her with wide eyes and then he smiled and winked at her. She looked over at James who looked as if he was going to pummel this Barnabus boy, and she spoke quickly, "Do you mind?"

James shook his head and waved his hand, "Duty calls Evans."

"Thanks," Lily replied with a small smile and walked over to the boy.

"Don't keep me waiting too long though Evans!" James said with a laugh.

Lily looked back at him and smiled. She was surprised at how much she actually smiled when she was around him.

But her smile faded when the cute boy grabbed her hand and kissed it, and for some reason she looked back at James who was now sitting in a chair looking at his hands.

And who was all alone, looking rather sad.

She felt guilty. Here she was now dragging him into her world, and she was leaving him behind. Something she never planned on doing.

* * *

This night had already not gone the way he had hoped.

And it was mostly because of his doing. He had acted like a complete and utter prat with Lily. All he had done was make random chit chat, nothing of importance.

Why hadn't he told her how beautiful she looked? Why was this time so different? He was missing his chance to show her what she hadn't seen in him. He wanted her to be happy that she asked him instead of some other student.

The only answer of why he could think of why he was so uncomfortable, was because this was their "first date", whether Lily wanted to admit it or not.

He had dreamed about this moment for what seemed like an eternity and it was finally here. And now that it was, he didn't have any clue on how to act.

But he knew he needed to snap out of this, and fast. He felt down in his pocket and found Sirius' flask there. It couldn't hurt to take a little bit.

But then he lifted his hand off and shook his head, he couldn't do that, not to Lily. He didn't want tonight to be like that, he wanted it to be special.

James stood up to go be by Lily's side and to finally tell her how breathtaking he thought she was. But the moment he did he saw the stupid boy put his arm around her waist and whisper something in her ear which looked rather seductively to him.

James wanted nothing more than to wring his neck out and step on him over and over again. But the jealously turned to despair when he saw Lily laugh and whisper something back to him.

The truth was that Lily only asked him to this party as a last resort. She didn't want him, not the way he wanted her. And she had meant it when she said it wasn't a date. She never wanted it to be. Not like he had dreamt over and over for it to be.

Sadly he walked over and grabbed a cup and poured his entire flask into it. Now he wanted to forget this night completely.

* * *

Lily kept trying to look at James for help. She wanted him to notice this boy kept putting his hands all over her and she didn't like it. But James wasn't looking. He was now drinking a drink and talking to a blonde girl who was extremely beautiful, the kind of girl Sirius would definitely look for.

Lily felt a stab of jealously. He was _her _date! Why wasn't he acting like it? He hadn't been himself the entire night. She looked up at the boy who was practically groping her, "Listen, it was nice to meet you. But I need to go be with my date now."

Barnabus looked over at pointed towards James, "That's your date? The one who's making out with the sexy blonde?"

Lily looked over and for some reason wanted to cry. James was kissing the girl all down her neck, the way she had dreamt someone to kiss her.

And sadly before this night started, she wanted that someone to be James.

But not now.

She was over this. He was the same person he always was. An arrogant asshole, who would never change.

James led the girl over to the corner. And Lily saw a random fifth year boy spiking the punch with alcohol. Lily was not a drinker, but tonight she didn't want to be Lily Evans.

Tonight she was going to let lose. Tonight she was going to forget about hope. And more importantly, love.

* * *

"God you're sexy," The blonde girl mumbled in his ear.

James felt his skin tingling. It had been so long since he had last kissed a girl, and the only reason he had kissed that girl, was because of a dare that Sirius had pulled in his fourth year. He had teased him that he would never kiss anyone other than Lily.

He was young, and stupid.

He had no excuses now.

Even though this felt completely wrong, in a way it felt right. Maybe he would have to start moving on.

What did he know about love? He almost laughed, because he realized that he was still that young and stupid boy.

He wished he could say he was only kissing the girl because he was drunk. But he wasn't, not in the slightest. He would have to get mad at Sirius for giving him a bad dose later.

But the reason he was kissing this stranger, was because he wanted to take the pain away. He wanted a distraction, and this blonde girl was doing a rather good job at the moment.

James probably wouldn't have done it, but there were now so many people at the "dinner party" that he knew no one would even notice, or even care.

But he couldn't help to look at Lily. She was now gushing down cup after cup of punch. Then he noticed a smaller boy next to her laughing and showing his friend a bottle of Blue Beetle Rum.

Lily Evans was getting drunk.

He had never even thought he would see her like this. His overprotective nature kicked in and he knew he needed to shape up and watch over her, before she was taken advantage of. He looked at the blonde, she may be hot as hell, but she in no way even slightly compared to the beauty of Lily.

"Listen, this is a mistake. I have a date, and I need to be with her," James said slowly pushing the girl away.

"You being serious with anyone? Never thought I'd see the day!" The blonde said.

He rolled his eyes. The broad apparently didn't know him very well, "I think you're speaking of my mate Sirius Black."

"Wait a moment, you're not Sirius?" She was clearly very drunk.

James laughed, "Nope, see yea."

The girl groaned and he heard her puke into a plant. Professor Slughorn yelped, "Not my favorite Puffapod!"

James shook his head, maybe this party wasn't as bad as he thought it would end up being.

He looked over at Lily who was starting to dance around. Perhaps she didn't even know he had been kissing another girl. Well at least he hoped she didn't notice.

James could actually shape up and play the hero who watched over her. She would probably be grateful in the morning. Because knowing that it was Lily Evans, she probably didn't even know the punch was spiked. She was too innocent for that.

James walked over to Lily, "What you doing there Evans?"

Lily turned and smiled, but when she saw it was him she frowned, "Oh it's just you. I thought you were busy with your girlfriend over there?"

Nope she had definitely caught him. _Crap_, he thought loudly to himself. Was that why she was drinking after all?

Maybe he did affect her more than he thought he did.

"She's not my girlfriend. And she's too busy puking into Slug's favorite plant."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Too bad for you huh?"

"Lily listen," James started, "That was nothing. It didn't mean anything, alright?"

"I don't care James Potter. Because guess what? You don't mean anything to me!"

He always knew that.

Nope this night was going downhill, and fast.

* * *

Lily knew she was acting like an idiot, but she didn't care. Nothing mattered at the moment. She just wanted to have fun.

She looked up at James and his expression was a mixture of being sad and anxious.

"What's your problem Potter? Miss pukey?"

James looked down at the floor, "No. My problem is this night isn't going like I had hoped."

"Tell me about it! I never drink," Lily replied with a giggle.

James finally looked at her and smiled, "I thought so."

"Oh…Did you now? I forget you know everything about me," Lily said slipping on the floor.

But James caught her swiftly and looked down at her vulnerable face, "No, actually I'm starting to think I don't know anything anymore."

* * *


	8. Confessions

* * *

**AN: Once again, thank you reviews. I hope you know how much it means to me that you are always reading and reviewing! And more importantly, that you like my story. :) Keep it up, it's inspiring.**

**I hope you'll like this chapter. After the last bitter sweet chapter, this one is just sweet. Enjoy it! Things are heating up in all the best kinds of ways!**

**xoxo**

* * *

The night had started to drag, and James was ready for it to be over. It was almost a relief when the professor finally spoke.

"Well everyone have a good night. I hope you enjoyed yourself," Slughorn said with a grin.

The students made their way out of the dinner party like zombies. Apparently when they heard Slughorn tell them to enjoy the party, they did. And they did a little too hard.

One of those people was Lily. Who was now passing out on James' shoulder. Of course he didn't care, because having her touch him made him feel alive again for the first time tonight.

He looked down at her and smiled. This way she looked so peaceful. James moved a strand of her red hair from her face and whispered in her ear, "Evans, it's time to go."

Lily moaned and shook her head slightly. She then moved her hand and grabbed his.

James opened his mouth and the feeling of her hand in his. He swallowed deeply and looked above him, "God give me strength to compose myself, and actually do something good." He smiled and grabbed her up slowly.

"What? What's going on?" Lily mumbled slurring her words. She rubbed her eyes and yawned.

"The party is over, I'm taking you back to the common room Evans," James said with a smile. She looked so cute right now. Like a little kid who had just woken up. Lily looked up at him and smiled. Then she scooted more into his body and he put his arm around her waist.

And together they made their way back to their common room, getting looks from everyone from the party.

* * *

He had offered to carry her, but she squirmed out of his arms and had slapped his arm, rather hard at that.

After what seemed like an hour they finally made it back to the Gryffindor common room.

"Do you want me to take you to your bed?" James asked practically dragging her.

She shook her head tiredly, "No boys allowed!"

James laughed. Even as drunk as she was, she still did the right thing.

She was so amazing.

"You know you should break the rules once and a while Evans. It will make you feel alive!"

He was surprised when she giggled, "What I'm not alive enough for you now?"

"Barely, but you know what I mean," James said looking down at her beautiful drunk face.

Lily looked up at him again and stared into his eyes, "Thanks for putting up with me tonight."

"I would do it again in a heartbeat Evans," James said with a tiny grin and winked at her.

Lily looked over towards the girls' dormitory and sighed.

He wondered if she was feeling what he was feeling at that moment. The evening was coming to an end, he could feel it. _No, _he thought miserably, _I haven't had enough time with you._

As if she could read his mind she looked over at the couch, "I need to sit."

"Oh!" James said quickly. He helped her over to the couch and sat her down.

She put her head back against the couch and groaned covering her eyes.

He sat next to her and smiled. She was hilarious like this, "You alright there Evans? You aren't going to throw up on me are you?"

"I'm okay," Lily answered still covering her eyes. "Just real, real dizzy."

James touched her forehead with his hand and slightly rubbed down, "It will pass."

She finally moved her hands and looked at him, "Besides," Lily mumbled, "Your girlfriend already threw up on you tonight, didn't she?"

James stopped his hand and moved it rolling his eyes, "I told you Lily. That wasn't my girlfriend."

"Could've fooled me, because it sure looked like it. You looked like you were glued to her face," Lily replied laughing sarcastically.

"Would it be too rash to tell you I had wished it was you the whole time?" James told her truthfully.

Lily stopped laughing and closed her eyes, "I wished it had too."

James' eyes widened. What had she just admitted? James now put his head against the couch. He was the one who felt dizzy now. "You wanted to kiss me?"

Lily then opened her eyes and looked over at him, "I'm not sure."

There she was again. He knew it was because she was drunk. She didn't even know where she was, or who she was speaking to.

"That's what I thought," He mumbled pushing his glasses up.

Lily shook her head, "No, I meant I'm not sure I would want to kiss you when you so clearly didn't want to kiss me."

James sat up straight, "Are you kidding?"

"You barely said two words to me tonight. I know you are over me James," Lily said sliding her head into her hands.

How could she possibly think this? His whole life he had only wanted one thing; her.

"You're wrong. Well not about the only speaking two words to you. I'm sorry about that, but you make me nervous," James admitted.

Lily laughed slightly and sat up looking at him, "Me? Make _you _nervous? _You _make _me _nervous."

He smiled, "How so?"

She rolled her eyes, "I don't know how to explain it."

"Try."

Lily groaned. He didn't care. She was going to give him answers tonight. Because tonight would most likely be the only night she would actually confess anything to him.

"Keep in mind I'm drunk alright?" Lily replied raising her eyebrow.

James laughed, "How could I forget? You drank a lot there Evans. I don't think I've ever seen someone drink so much in their life. You sure you aren't an alcoholic?"

"Oh shut it," Lily said irritably.

"You never answered my question Evans," James pushed.

He heard her sigh again, and he wondered if she would answer it or just pass out.

"Just lately," Lily started hesitantly, "There is something about you that keeps pulling me in."

Was she actually admitting that she liked him? He felt like he was in his own personal heaven again. But he shook his head, maybe Sirius' drink had affected him and he didn't even know it. Because there couldn't be any way that Lily Evans liked him. Not in this world.

"I thought you hated me?" James asked.

Lily nodded, "I do. That's the problem! This is frustrating. I don't understand what's going on."

James smiled, "Do you like me?"

Her head shot in his direction, "Of course not."

"I think you're not only lying to me Evans, but you're lying to yourself."

Lily spat, "Oh shut up. You don't know how I feel."

He moved closer to her and she looked at him quickly, "How I wish I did."

"Why does it matter Potter? I was right wasn't I? You are over me," Lily said almost sadly.

She couldn't be more wrong right now. Lily was many things, but she wasn't good at reading people at all.

"I will never be over you. I can't. Believe me, I've tried."

She wasn't the only one confessing tonight. He was surprised how much he was actually telling her.

Lily's mouth opened slightly and she breathed in unevenly. Then she composed herself and spoke, "Why do you like me James?"

The question made him embarrassed. He had always liked her so much, that he didn't know how to put these feelings into words. "Like you said Evans, it's hard to explain."

"So you don't like me? Is that what you are saying? You know you're really confusing."

James laughed and shook his head, "I'm not the only one who is confusing Evans." She glared at him and he continued, "Oh and about not liking you? Yea, it's completely opposite of that. Believe me," James said blushing slightly.

Lily smiled, "Then tell me why you like me Potter."

James looked down at his hands, "It's really hard to put into words." He looked over at her slightly then quickly looked away again. He couldn't tell her while staring at her beautiful emerald eyes, she clouded his mind. "My whole life it's only been you. I've never wanted anyone else. Never. When I close my eyes, you are all I see. Your kindness is overwhelming. And you are the smartest witch I know. Plus the sight of you takes my breath away every time."

He finally stopped talking. There was still so much to say, but he didn't know if he overstepped his boundaries.

When she didn't say anything he looked over at her. Her mouth was wide open and she was blushing.

James smiled, "Oh and I forgot to tell you how beautiful you look tonight. I should've been the first one to tell you, but like I said. You're breathtaking."

She then looked down and sighed. Then she got inside her purse and started looking for something.

James waited curiously and patiently for what she was getting at.

Then she grabbed something and put it in her fist. She was still turned away from him but her voice finally spoke the words he never imagined her to say out loud, "Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same."

James stopped breathing. It was the quote he had given her. She had kept it? And she kept it close to her, which only meant one thing. That it meant something to her, like it had meant something to him.

Lily finally turned towards him, "Did you give this to me?"

He knew he couldn't speak yet, so all he did was nod.

Lily moved in towards him slowly and kissed him on the cheek, lingering there for a moment.

He stopped breathing again. He couldn't function, and he couldn't move one muscle.

James lost track of all time, because time stood still at that moment. Lily Evans had kissed him. No, it hadn't been on the lips, but it had been just as good, if not better.

Lily backed away and stared into his eyes. Then she stood up slowly and he looked up at her.

He knew it was stupid, but he had to ask, "What was that for?"

Lily started walking towards the girl's dormitory.

Maybe she was going to avoid the question. And she would probably forget she even had kissed him, even though he would never ever forget it.

James touched his cheek where she had kissed him, and it still burned from her lips.

Then she stopped but didn't turn around, "I feel the same."

And with that, she walked up the stairs stumbling and then was out of sight. He knew he should've helped her, but he was frozen.

_I feel the same. _

It was all she said.

Just those few words.

But those few words that she had spoken, had meant more to him than anything in his life ever had. And she didn't even know it.

The night hadn't gone as he had hoped at all; it had gone better.

* * *


	9. Something New

* * *

**AN: Hey loves!! I'm so sorry it's been so long since I have updated. Getting busy because school starts again next week!! Good ole' college :) Anyways enjoy the chapter, and thanks as always for reviewing xoxo.**

* * *

The night before had changed things, James was sure of it.

Getting up for classes that day wasn't hard at all. He barely even went to sleep. All he had done was thought about Lily Evans the entire night.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He took a quick shower and got ready, smiling at his reflection whenever he passed a mirror.

James felt as if he was on some sort of high, and he never wanted to come down from it.

Even if what they had shared the night before might've not seemed like much to others, to him it was the start of something new.

She had admitted that she did care for him.

Sure he was scared it was only because she was drunk, but his father once told him that when you drink, your true feelings and words come out.

Lily had confessed something that much was for sure. But now he would have to wait and see if she acted on it or if she would forget the night completely.

James knew he was in la-la land, because he hadn't heard Remus talking to him in the slightest.

"Hello? Prongs!"

His head snapped up and he saw Remus and Peter staring at him with odd expressions, "Oh sorry Moony, I didn't hear you."

"We were talking to you for like five minutes Prongs," Peter said sitting next to James on the couch.

James smiled and patted Peter on the back hard, but friendly, "Aw, sweet Wormtail. Were you worried about me?"

Peter shook his head and scooted farther away from James. Remus however laughed, "Seriously you seem different today. I'm guessing things went well with Lily?"

The sound of her name, made a shock of electricity shoot through his body. James smiled and layed his head down on the pillow, "Mmhmm, you could say that."

"Did you two kiss?" Peter asked excited.

James frowned slightly, "Well she kissed me."

"I know you aren't giving juicy details without me Prongs," Sirius said entering the common room, ruffling his hair.

James sat up, "Just getting to it actually."

Sirius shook his head and sat in his comfy chair, "You may continue," he said moving his hand in circles.

"You were saying that she kissed you!" Peter exclaimed with an excited look.

James could tell his friends anything and everything, but after the events of last night, he wanted to keep some things to himself, and Lily.

"It was nothing," James mumbled.

"Prongs, shut it and explain before I clobber you," Sirius said closing his eyes with a small smirk. "You should be jumping up and down, almost wetting yourself at this moment."

James just sighed.

Then after a moment Sirius opened his eyes and sat up, "Oh dear mate, does she kiss horribly or something?"

They couldn't be more wrong, or farther than what actually happened.

He rolled his eyes, "Lily couldn't be horrible at anything." James smiled and stared at the ceiling thinking of her, always her.

"Well boys, I think it's official. Prongs has definitely lost it. Padfoot, help me take him to the hospital wing," Remus said with a laugh.

They all laughed and James shook his head, "No, I'm just happy for once. And you guys are making this a bigger deal than it was."

"But this is Lily Evans, the woman of your dreams. I think it's a big deal," Peter admitted shyly.

James looked over at his friend on the other end of the couch, "Well Wormtail. You are actually making sense when you speak now! I'm proud of you." Peter nodded and smiled. James continued, "But the truth is, yea of course it's a big deal. But she kissed me on the cheek."

"The cheek?" Sirius exclaimed shaking his head and standing up, "That's not excited at all. No wonder you didn't want to talk about it."

"It's a start of something new Sirius," Remus said winking at James. They gave each other a high five and then James slid off of the couch.

"That's exactly what I was thinking Moony," James said smiling.

The boys all walked out of the common room, but James looked up the girl's stairs and wondered if Lily was thinking of last night too.

* * *

She heard pounding and moaned, sliding a pillow over her head.

"Lil? It's time to get up! We're already late for breakfast," Lily heard Alice say.

"Don't talk about food," Lily mumbled through the pillow. The thought of eggs almost made her throw up right then and there.

Madison laughed and moved the pillow, "What's wrong with you girl?"

Alice sat down next to her, "Are you feeling ill?"

Sighing, Lily turned her body slowly and opened her eyes, "You could say that."

Her friends both stared at her with wide eyes. Alice looked her up and down, "Lily, you slept in your dress and your makeup."

Lily looked down and moving made her feel even more sick, "Kill me now."

The girls exchanged looks and finally Madison opened her mouth wide, "Did you drink last night?"

"Biggest mistake of my existence," Lily mumbled again.

Alice laughed, "Wow, I hadn't thought of you as the drinking type."

"That's because she's not!" Madison said laughing.

Lily sat up slightly, "Could you be a little bit more compassionate, or understanding Mad?"

Madison pretended to zip her mouth close, "Sorry, shutting up." Then after a minute she fell to the floor laughing again.

"Ugh," Lily said throwing the pillow over her head again.

"Well do you need anything sweetie?" Alice asked softly.

Lily nodded, "Water." Was all she could say her voice still thick from drinking.

Alice nodded and walked out of the room.

Madison got up and sat on the bed next to Lily, "Did James get you drunk?"

Lily moved the pillow and shook her head, "No, it was all my doing. Well actually this kid adding rum into the punch. But I drank all on my own."

"Why?" Madison asked biting her lip curiously.

Lily sighed, "Because I saw James and a girl kissing."

Her friend's eyes widened, "What? Are you kidding me? But you were his date. What an arse."

Lily shook her head, "I think it was my fault. I was somewhat ignoring him and talking to this annoying know it all."

"Still, he shouldn't have kissed someone else. Especially now that you are starting to like him," Madison replied shaking her head.

Lily looked at her friend and glared, "Who ever said I liked him?"

Madison rolled her eyes, "Please Lil. Why else would you drink? You were obviously jealous."

"I was _not,_" Lily replied through her teeth.

Madison just raised her eyebrow not saying another word.

Finally Lily looked up at the ceiling, "Fine, maybe a little."

Madison started jumping up and down, "I knew it!!"

Lily held a hand up and one over her mouth, "Stop jumping for the love of all things that are holy."

Madison stopped instantly, "Oh sorry! I forgot. I'm just excited. It's about time."

Lily just closed her eyes, concentrating on not puking all over her best friend.

Alice came in and handed her some water, "Here love, I think this will help. Then again I'm not sure, never been much of a drinker."

"Thanks Alice," Lily said slowly sitting up. She grabbed the cup and drank the water, a little bit too much of it.

Her eyes widened and her friends looked at her. "Lil?" Madison asked.

"I'm going to throw up," Lily said jumping up and running to the bathroom.

Alice looked over at Madison, "Seems like she had a horrible night."

"I think it was exactly the opposite. She finally saw what she was missing all of this time," Madison said smiling after her friend.

* * *

James looked all over the Great Hall, but Lily was no where to be seen.

"That's unlike Evans to miss breakfast," Sirius said biting into his bacon.

The other boys nodded and James looked down and his hands, "Yea it is unlikely, except that Evans probably won't be feeling to great today."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked with a hint of concern.

James smiled slightly, "Let's just say alcohol was offered last night, and I wasn't the one drinking it."

Sirius dropped his bacon and jumped up slightly, "No way! Evans got drunk??"

James put a hand over Sirius' mouth, "Shhh!"

But Sirius ignored him and moved James' hand smiling, "I cannot believe I miss one party and I lose out on seeing Evans wasted. Damn Slug Club."

Remus looked over at James with a weird expression, "I'm guessing Lily doesn't drink too often then?"

James shook his head, "Never."

"Oh she's definitely puking now! Who want's to bet on it?" Sirius said laughing hitting his fist on the table.

"Sirius, stop it. I don't want her to be sick," James said worriedly. Sirius gave an apologetic look and started eating again.

Remus made a noise and James looked over, "Oh sorry. I was just thinking, I know a remedy spell to help with hangovers."

Sirius started laughing again, "And how would you know that Moony? Are you partying at night and not telling your boys?"

Remus rolled his eyes, "I found it in your sock drawer."

Everyone but Sirius laughed, "Well that wasn't mine!" He exclaimed, "I think it was this one girl's I met one night. Let's just say, we had a night to remember." Sirius smiled but James looked over at Remus.

"Mate, do you think you could give me the recipe? I want to give it to Evans."

Remus nodded, "Of course. I actually memorized it," when the boys all gave a humorous look at him, Remus shook his head, "I memorized it because I'm friends with you guys. The master's of partying. I knew it would come in handy someday, and look, now it will."

Sirius smiled and put his hand up to give James a high five, "Hell yea we are! Blimey we're awesome!"

James couldn't leave his friend hanging, and he laughed and slapped his best friend's hand.

Just at the moment James saw Alice and Madison walking through the Great Hall. He got up, "Hey guys. I'll be right back." He ran over to the girls.

Madison smiled when she saw him, "Well Potter, I don't know if I can allow Lily to go out with you again."

"How bad is she?" James asked raising his eyebrows.

Alice sighed, "Well, she's pretty sick. She told us to leave her, but she is basically hugging the toilet."

He instantly knew what he had to do, "I'll take care of her."

Madison laughed shaking her head, "Oh and you think you know the ways to make her feel better."

James smiled and winked, "Actually, I know exactly the way."

* * *

She would _never _drink again, as long as she lived. It wasn't worth this. How would she go to her classes? She couldn't even move out of the bathroom.

And she had never missed a day of school. She didn't want to explain that she was too hung over to be responsible.

Lily heard someone walking up the stairs. Then the footsteps stopped when they came to the door of the bathroom.

There was a faint knock and she heard him speak, "Evans?"

Her head shot up. _Please anyone but him, _Lily thought in horror. "Go away Potter."

She heard him laugh, "I'm coming in alright?"

"No!" Lily almost said shouting.

But James came in anyways. Thank God she had locked her stall's door, she didn't want him seeing her like this right now.

"Just go away James," Lily said groaning.

"Evans, get off your high horse, I actually brought you something that would help."

She blinked a few times and sighed trying not to throw up again, "And what could that possibly be?"

"Remus gave me a drink to give you. It takes hangover's away instantly," James replied, she rolled her eyes because he sounded like a know it all.

"I can't," Lily said shaking her head to no one.

"Why not? It couldn't make you feel worse that I guess you are feeling now."

Lily groaned, "Fine, thanks. Put it on the ground and leave please."

"No way Evans," James said with a hint of humor in his voice, "I told your friends that I would help you feel better. And I never go back on a promise. You can call me Dr. Potter!"

"Its fine," Lily mumbled, "I'll tell them you helped."

"See and you won't even have to lie, because I am going to help. Now open the door Evans," James said tapping on her door.

"You shouldn't even be in here Potter," Lily replied trying to stall him from coming in.

"Well I'm sure they would give me a Prefect Badge for helping the great Lily Evans with her incapable drinking habits," James said laughing.

"Ugh," Lily said putting her face in her arms, "You just make things worse. Just leave me alone."

That shut him up quickly. She heard his feet moving around and she looked up slightly to see if he was leaving, but he wasn't. In fact he was climbing up to look over the stall.

"James!" Lily said looking up at James who was now peering down at her.

"Damn," James said with a smile, "I was hoping you wouldn't be decent."

Lily couldn't help but smile too, "Pervert."

James laughed, "You're looking good Evans. But I can't say what is in that toilet bowl is looking too good."

Lily blushed and flushed the toilet immediately. She felt dizzy and slid her head in her hands.

James jumped into the stall, and Lily didn't even care enough to yell at him. She felt sicker than before.

"Hey Evans, you really don't look so good," James said.

"That's because I feel like complete shit," Lily mumbled in her hands.

James laughed again, "Wow, what a day. Lily Evans with a hang over and now swearing. I can honestly say I never saw it coming."

She looked up at him and almost felt at ease seeing him sitting next to her.

His cocky smile melted away and he gave her a look of concern, "I'm just kidding you know that right? Here drink this."

James handed her a cup and the liquid inside looked awful. As if he could read her mind he quickly said, "Yea, I wouldn't look at what your drinking and don't smell it if you can help it."

She nodded and breathed out once, then she lifted the glass up and the moment she tasted the drink, she moved over the toilet.

Lily didn't even notice that James was in the stall with her, and she started throwing up again. But she did notice his hands were now pulling back her hair.

* * *

After what seemed like a lifetime of Lily throwing up, James helped her up, "Easy there Evans." He helped her to her bedroom.

He smiled as he entered her room. He always wanted to see how she decorated it. James helped her into her bed and noticed she gave a worried look, "Don't you worry. I'll tell your teacher's you have the flu. They won't be mad, you're the perfect student. I'm sure Sluggy will give you a present to feel better."

Lily was too weak he noticed to talk much but she did smile.

James looked into her eyes. Even though she was pale and her hair was all messed up from throwing up, she was still so beautiful.

He wondered if he would ever think that she looked less than perfect, but he wasn't going to hold his breath for that. She was perfect, inside and out.

"Well feel better okay? I think that drink will start making you feel better," James said tucking her in the bed.

Lily nodded and closed her eyes slightly. She looked so vulnerable and he wanted nothing more than to crawl in the bed next to her and make sure she would feel better. But he knew she wouldn't want that.

He started to get up and Lily grabbed his arm. He looked down at her fingers and felt his heart beat quicken.

James looked down at her and her eyes were open again, "James would you maybe...?"

He sighed and this was what he was hoping she would ask, "Yes Lily?" He asked quietly.

Lily bit her lip, "Um." She paused for a moment and he noticed she was blushing. She closed her eyes, "What I meant to say is, well, thank you."

James closed his eyes sadly. And after a moment he hesitantly replied, "For you, anytime." And with that he left her side in agony.

* * *


	10. Truthful Thoughts

* * *

**AN: Hey all! SORRY SORRY it's taken me a while to update.. and I'm going to apologize in advance. Because, chapters are going to be coming more slowly now. I'm starting school up again and I'm taking a lot of classes!! But whenever I have free time I will write, because believe me, I love writing these stories more than anything.**

**Enjoy the chapter & thanks as always for the kind reviews!!!!!**

**xoxo.**

* * *

What had been her problem? Why didn't she just ask James to stay with her? Maybe she was more self centered then she thought.

The truth however was that she did want him to stay with her, but she had been way too scared. And not just scared to spend more time with him, scared to open her heart to him.

She wasn't sure how to even do that. Lily had spent most of her days at Hogwarts despising James Potter. And now she was certain she had feelings for him.

And she did remember kissing him. She remembered most of what happened the night before, but it had been like she was in a drunken bubble and she couldn't snap herself out of it.

She didn't bring anything up to him because she was embarrassed to admit she cared for him too when she was intoxicated.

It wasn't supposed to be like that.

Then the next day, when she could've made some sense of the situation to him, she practically puked all over herself.

Lily had been alone in her room all day, and Professor McGonagall had even checked up on her twice within the day bringing her a cold rag for her forehead. And friends from Gryffindor brought her dinner and some new reading material.

Alice and Madison had even done her homework for her. She was blown away by how so many people who cared. But she had been lonely, and wished someone could've been there with her throughout the day.

And that someone she had in mind, was James. The potion he gave her to drink helped a little, but what helped most of all was to know he was there for her after everything that had happened the night before.

She had been drunk, and very rude to him, and he still wanted her. After all of that! He didn't want that pretty girl he had kissed, he only wanted her.

It was as if the truth was finally sinking in to her very core.

James Potter wanted to be with her. He liked her, for her.

She got out of bed for the first time all day, and grabbed a piece of paper.

Lily started writing the reasons not to like James, the reasons that she had never really noticed him:

_Arrogant, too rich for his own good, selfish, loud, a bully._

She scratched her head. That was it. And now that she looked at those words she shook her head.

How had she been so blind?

James wasn't any of these things. She had only believed that he was. She had never actually taken time to get to know him. She hadn't wanted to, until now.

Lily crumpled the paper up and threw it in the garbage. Then she pulled out another piece of paper and took a deep breath. This list would be harder for her to write.

_Things I **like** about James Potter:__  
His hair._

She stopped writing and laughed to herself. _His hair? _What was happening to her? Up until this point his hair always bothered her, especially the way he was always putting his hands through it. But she realized she liked his black, untidy hair, and how it framed his head in a shaggy, stylish way.

Lily continued to write the list:

_His eyes.  
His glasses.  
His ability to play Quidditch so well.  
That he is smarter than he lets people think he is.  
His wit. (Yes, it's surprising me to write this too.)  
His laugh.  
His smile.  
His charm.  
His body._

Lily felt herself blush as she thought about James' body. She had never given it a lot of thought. But she closed her eyes and pictured his muscles and his chiseled features. Her body shuttered and she stopped quickly.

She looked down at the list and wrote two more things, probably the main two reasons she actually really liked him:

_His heart.  
His love for me._

Tears filled her eyes as she accepted the truth that she wrote down on the paper in front of her.

And the truth was; she wanted him too. And now possibly more than he wanted her.

* * *

James attempted to do his homework, but he felt like he couldn't get anything done. All he could do was think of Lily. It wasn't a big shock, but he was beginning to think what was meant to be, and what wasn't.

Maybe he was forcing something that he had always wanted to happen between them. And maybe fate was trying to tell him it wasn't supposed to happen.

Sure she had admitted feelings, but were the feelings anywhere near to how he felt about her? He knew if they were to be together, that he would always love her more than she loved him.

He knew he couldn't give up on Lily, and he wasn't about to, but he was sad. And he had never felt so defeated in his life.

James had shown her the real him, and he was beginning to think it wasn't enough.

He closed his eyes and remembered a memory between them in their third year. The first time he had admitted out loud that he liked her, more importantly, the exact moment he fell in love with her.

..........

"_Lily Evans, marvelous as always," Professor Flitwick said smiling._

_Lily smiled and blushed slightly._

_James marveled at her beauty. Sure he had always thought Lily Evans was pretty, but lately he felt like she was so much more than just pretty._

_He looked over and saw some Slytherin girl's smiling and waving at him. But he just shook his head._

_Other girls had already started to have crushes on him, but it didn't matter. The only girl he liked was the one with the bright red hair._

"_Quit staring at Evans mate," Sirius said patting him on the back._

_James sat up straighter, "I'm not staring you bloke."_

"_Don't try to get out of this one, you're always making googly eyes at her," Sirius said shaking his head with a smirk._

"_What would you know about it?"_

_Sirius laugh, "Well I hear you saying her name when you're dreaming at night. So I think I know something about it, I mean, you like her. It's so obvious."_

_James almost fell off his chair, "I do not like her Sirius!"_

"_Oh come on Potter, you aren't fooling anyone, especially your best friend," Sirius said raising his eyebrow._

_James sat there for a moment and closed his eyes._

"_Just keep your voice down," James replied, blushing slightly._

_Sirius jumped up, "I was right I knew it!"_

"_Oh my... shut up before I make you shut up!"_

_The professor slammed his hand on the desk in front of them, "Boys please! Some students are trying to learn. Have playtime after."_

"_Yes sir," The boys said in unison._

_Lily glanced over at the two of them and glared at the sight of them. _

_Sirius laughed and nudged him, "Oh dear, looks like you have a long road in front of you mate."_

"_What's that supposed to mean Sirius?"_

_Sirius sighed, "Well she pretty much hates you."_

"_Oh. Yea," James mumbled looking away from her. "How do I fix it?"_

"_Why would you want to fix it? Just get a new crush. Those cute girls have been eyeing you all day, which is weird because girls usually want me."_

"_You're too young to even know what that means," James said laughing. Sirius frowned and shook his head. But James continued in a whisper, "And alright I'll say it out loud, I like her." _

_Sirius gave Lily a thumbs up, who thankfully was busy making her feather fly. James smacked him again, "I said knock that off!"_

"_Sorry sorry. Geeze, why are you getting so defensive?" Sirius asked and pretended like he was waving a white flag. "But that's my point, so what if you like her. There are other fish in the sea brother."_

_James thought about it for a moment. Sure he was young, but what he was feeling for Lily was definitely more than he was supposed to be feeling at that age._

_She already meant so much to him, and she didn't even know it. _

_James wasn't ready to admit how strongly he felt for her to Sirius just yet, so he gave an reply the best he could, "It's not that easy."_

_Sirius shook his head, "See. I'll never have that problem. There are too many cute girls to settle down for just one."_

"_Not when that one, is the one."_

_He kept staring at Lily, and this time she glanced up and met his gaze. He was expecting her to look away but surprisingly she didn't. Instead she gave a small grin._

_His mouth fell open in shock._

_She hurried and looked away, but he noticed she was now blushing._

_Lily Evans had actually smiled at him for the first time since they had met. _

_The butterflies in his stomach flew around and almost knocked him off his chair._

"_Are you even listening to me Potter?" Sirius said waving his hand in front of James' face._

_James nodded, "Not at all."_

"_I guess I'm going to have to expect this kind of behavior from now on huh?"_

_But James didn't answer. Nothing would be the same anymore, and he would always love this girl. For the rest of his existence. _

James opened his eyes and smiled.

Stupid of him to ever think that fate was playing against him.

He would never get over her. Not just because it was physically and mentally impossible, but because he didn't want to.

James had always loved her, and just as he thought when he was thirteen years old, he _would_ always love her, forever and ever.

* * *


	11. The List

* * *

**AN: Once again I'm apologizing because it has taken me so long to update!! I hope you will like this chapter as much as I do. It's going to be the real starting point to their relationship YAY!!**

**Enjoy xoxo.**

* * *

Lily woke up that morning with a smile, and felt completely refreshed. She was sure it was because the alcohol was now completely out of her system.

But making the list about James had definitely brought a smile upon her face.

She stretched and got up. Lily made her way to the bathroom and stepped into the hot shower.

After the shower she went and wrote a letter to her parents. It had been a while since she last wrote them. She even wrote a little note for Petunia, even though she knew her sister wouldn't read it.

She folded the letter and realized she wanted to go talk to her teachers about what she missed. But she didn't have time to go mail the letter and go speak with her teachers before her classes started.

Lily looked over and saw Madison still in a deep sleep. She wrote a note to her roommate:

_Mad-_

_I have to go speak with my teachers. Could you please give the letter I left on my nightstand to my owl? Thanks girl, I appreciate it._

_Love,_

_Lily_

_PS: I'm sorry if Dela bites you, she's very fond of me, and no others. _

She set the note down on Madison's nightstand and folded the letter to her parents up on her nightstand and hurriedly walked out of the room, not noticing that when she moved out of the room it blew the letter on the floor.

She also wasn't aware that James' list was still lying on her nightstand.

* * *

The day had moved pretty fast and Lily was having a great day. Her teachers had all been concerned about her, and told her to take as much time as she needed to complete her homework.

She wasn't even bothered when Snape kept following her around.

Lily finally turned around, "What Sev?"

Snape looked down at his face, "Well I was making sure you were feeling better. I was worried."

She felt a pain of remorse go through herself, "I'm fine. Thank you for your concern."

Snape nodded and walked away sadly.

Lily wanted to say more to him, but she couldn't. Like she thought before, he wasn't the same person anymore. Neither of them were. But that didn't mean she still didn't care about her old friend.

She walked into the Great Hall and found her friends.

"Hey girls! How's your day been?"

Her two friends looked at each other and giggled. Then Alice replied, "Oh pretty well. Not as well as yours I'm guessing though."

Lily raised her eyebrow in confusion, "What's that supposed to mean?" She started to eat her French Onion soup, but continued to look back and forth at her friends.

Madison giggled, "Well today is the day you finally are admitting how you feel about James."

Lily dropped her spoon and the soup splashed on her shirt. She didn't even care about that however, she only cared about what Madison meant by that little statement, "I don't know what you are talking about, but I'm sure you're wrong."

Madison looked over at Alice and rolled her eyes, "I'm not stupid Lil. And it's not like some big surprise after all, you are the one that asked me to do it."

Lily opened her mouth and spoke through her teeth, "Asked you to do what Madison?"

Now it was Madison's turn to give a look of confusion, "Mail your little 'letter' to James."

"What!" Lily stood up and almost fell over.

Alice looked up at Lily frantic, "Lily what's going on?"

Lily thought back at the letter she sent to her parents. It wasn't anything exciting or revealing so she composed herself, "Maddy, I never wanted you to mail a letter to James. I meant for you to send that letter to my parents."

Madison shook her head, "Well I don't know why your parents would want a list of all the reasons you like James."

_Oh my God. No._

Lily opened her mouth in horror. Madison had sent the list she had made to James, _to _James!

"Lily? You are really pale, are you alright?" Alice asked in concern.

Lily shook her head and slumped her head into her hands, "I have just died and gone to hell."

"What is going on Lil? You wanted me to mail that right?" Madison asked in a strained voice. "It didn't have a name on it, so I opened it and saw it was to James. I hope you aren't mad."

"Not mad?" Lily replied through her hands, "Of course I'm mad!" Lily put her head back up and looked at Madison, "That was a list that Potter was _never _supposed to see! EVER!"

Madison bit her lip, "Well, how was I supposed to know? There was no other letter on the nightstand. I'm not a mind reader you know."

But Lily couldn't reply. She looked down at the table and saw James laughing with his friends.

The owls hadn't made their delivery to the Great Hall yet, so there was still time.

She had to make sure that he would never receive that list. Lily stood up and started breathing quickly.

"Lily what are you going to do?" Alice questioned sheepishly.

But it was Madison who replied, "Isn't it obvious Al? Lily is going to try to stop fate once again."

Lily shot Madison a glare, "Well I wouldn't have to stop anything if you hadn't of made this mistake in the first place."

Now it was Madison's turn to glare. She stood up angrily and crossed her arms, "Do you for one minute not believe that this isn't a mistake Lily?"

"Of course it is, don't be stupid," Lily spat. She didn't care if she was being rude now. She didn't want James to know how she felt. And she was passed being embarrassed.

"Girl's just stop," Alice tried to intervene the two. But neither listened.

"I'm being stupid?" Madison yelled. "Take a minute and look at yourself Lily! You could be happy, and yet you will never allow it. You care about him, you just won't admit it."

"Keep your voice down," Lily yelled.

"No! I'm sick of this," Madison shouted back.

Lily was now aware that half the Great Hall was now listened to the two of them fight. And one of those people who was aware was James.

She saw his face staring at her intently. Lily stared back and felt tears enter her eyes.

But the Great Hall went back to normal when the owls entered the Hall.

"Oh crap," Lily said mostly to herself.

But Madison heard, "You won't be able to stop this Lil. Let it happen."

"This has nothing to do with you, and it for sure doesn't concern you," Lily said tears now streaming down her face.

"Your happiness is my concern love," Madison said wiping Lily's tears away.

Lily pushed her hand away and looked up at the Owls. She recognized James' owl, "He wasn't supposed to find out this way."

"Oh Lily," Alice said sadly.

Lily shook her head in determine, "I will stop this." Before she could hear her friends she ran to stop fate.

* * *

James was concerned about Lily. She and Madison never fought with one another, and about five seconds ago they were practically ripping each other to shreds.

He wished he could comfort and help the two of them, but it wasn't his place.

"Well I guess that's the most excitement we will see all day," Sirius mumbled playing with his food. Apparently he had noticed Lily's scene too.

But before James could reply he saw his owl drop a letter to him. He reached up to grab it, but a hand came out of nowhere and grabbed it before him.

"Hey what the hell? That's mine," James started as he turned to see who the hand belonged too.

He gulped when he saw it was Lily's hand and she was standing there with a frantic look.

James smiled, "Evans, what you doing with my mail?"

Lily was breathing unevenly, "This actually doesn't belong to you."

James' smile faded, "Well my owl delivered it to me, so I'm guessing it does belong to me."

She shook her head, "No it doesn't."

Now he was curious. Lily was acting very peculiar. He grabbed her soft hand and pulled her down next to him.

She almost fell on her way down, but he grabbed her waist to steady her.

He heard her breathe in shock and he was now aware that his hands were still on her waist.

"Do you mind?" Lily said brushing his hands off her waist.

"Not really," James replied with a wink.

She glared at him for a moment and Sirius spoke, "Evans that was quite the scene you and Madison had. She is feistier then I noticed. I like that in a girl."

Sirius was looking down the table and James noticed that he winked at Madison. She flushed and looked away.

"It was nothing," Lily replied looking down at the letter.

James smiled as he admired her beautiful face. He couldn't look away, not even if he wanted to.

He saw sweat beads on her forehead and saw her head was wrinkled in frustration.

His hand made its way over to the letter and he grabbed it out of her hand.

"Hey!" Lily shouted.

"Evans, this is mine. I thought we covered that little detail."

She shook her head violently, "It's actually mine."

James was now _very _intrigued, "Then why was it sent to me Evans?"

"It was a mistake," Lily replied biting her lip.

Lily was actually nervous about something. And that something James was guessing, was the letter. There was something about the letter that Lily didn't want him to see.

"Then tell me what is written in this parchment and I'll give it back to you," James pressed on with a smirk. Two could play at this game, and he was usually very good at these games.

Lily glared, "No, it's none of your business."

He started to open it but was still looking at her face, "Evans, I think it is my business. And I think there is something very private in here that you don't want me to see."

James noticed Lily gulped and started to flush. He smiled again, "Am I wrong?"

She closed her eyes and then spoke quietly, "Please James. Just give it to me."

His smiled disappeared. This was a bigger deal to her than he thought it was. She now looked terrified and way passed embarrassed.

James was aching to know what was in the letter, but he couldn't do that to her. He cared about her too much.

"I like you, so I'll give it back to you Evans. But only this time alright?"

Lily now had a small smile on her face and she looked truly thankful, "Thank you. I appreciate that Potter."

"Anything for you Evans. Even though you should repay the favor," James replied.

Her smile disappeared, "What favor would that be Potter?"

"Oh you know sign a contract saying you will belong to me and only me," James said with a laugh but sadly he meant every word.

He was surprised when Lily laughed, "And how long would this contract be for?"

James' opened his mouth. Lily was actually playing back with him. "Oh I was thinking along the lines of forever."

Lily was still smiling, "Oh okay, well that's not _that _long I suppose."

What was going on? First Lily makes a scene in the Great Hall. Then she was determined to have him not read something on _his _letter, and now Lily Evans was actually flirting with him.

James smiled and felt himself blush, "Well I'll need you to sign somewhere."

"I'll sign anywhere you want," Lily said with a smirk. James stopped breathing. That statement had actually turned him on. But Lily continued, "But first, you need to give me that letter."

He didn't trust himself to speak yet, so he started to hand the letter back to her.

She was about to grab it when Sirius grabbed it first.

"No way Prongs! You are not giving this back without seeing what's in it first," Sirius said laughing.

James had been so close, and now Sirius was ruining every bit of progress he was making with Lily, "Padfoot just give it to her."

"In your dreams," Sirius said.

Peter shook his head, "Sirius you're being a real prat. Just hand it over to Lily."

James quickly glanced at Lily's face, who now had the expression of complete horror.

But Sirius just ignored them, "Prongs, think about what is written on this that has Evan's knickers bunched up. It has to be good if she is actually flirting for it back."

"Please just stop Sirius," Lily asked desperately.

James frowned. He didn't want to see Lily have to beg. "Now Sirius!" James almost yelled at his best friend.

Sirius laughed and stood up on the bench and opened the letter. He read it for a moment and his mouth dropped open.

Whatever was written on the parchment now had Sirius speechless. James was now more curious than ever.

"Holy hell, Evans! This is big!!" Sirius said, a slow grin reappearing back to his face. Then he read the few words that changed everything, "Things I _like _about James Potter."

James' head shot over at Lily and he felt his own mouth drop open.

Lily was looking down at her feet and James was unaware that most of the people surrounding them were now listening.

Sirius didn't stop, "_His Hair. _Wow and I thought you despised his hair Evans." Sirius was now howling with laughter and continued, "_His eyes. His glasses. His ability to play Quidditch so well."_

James' head was swirling. This is what Lily had been hiding. She did have feelings for him, and she finally was admitting it, in the form of a list.

His heart was pounding against his chest, and he wished he could tell Lily how much this meant to him.

But he only heard Sirius' voice, "_That he is smarter than he lets people think he is. _Aw, that's sweet Evans I think."

People around them started laughing and making cat calls at Lily.

He still looked at her face and only her face. Lily finally looked up at him and he noticed that there were tears in her beautiful emerald eyes.

James reached out for Lily, but she ran passed him and out of the Great Hall quickly. He turned to look after her and bit his lip.

He understood how she felt.

She did care about him, but she would've told him her feelings when she was ready. And Sirius had taken that opportunity away from her in a single moment.

James reached up and grabbed the list, "You are a complete arse, you know that?"

Sirius stopped laughing and sighed, "Come on mate. I was doing _you_ a favor! I didn't even get to the best one she wrote yet."

James shook his head angrily, "That wasn't your place to do that."

"Seriously Padfoot, what were you thinking?" Remus said with a glare.

James started walking angrily out of the room when he heard Sirius call, "I was doing you a favor Prongs and you know it!"

* * *

James had made his way to the Gryffindor common room, "Evans?" He called frantically. He had to find her, and explain how sorry he was what Sirius had done.

And he wanted to tell her what those words meant to him, and that he didn't just feel the same for her, but more.

But Lily was nowhere to be seen. He even searched in the girls dorms.

James swore and groaned sinking down to the couch.

He felt the list in his pocket, but he felt bad reading it, for he knew how personal it was to Lily. It was like an entry from a diary or something. But he couldn't help himself, he wanted to see the words she wrote for himself.

James opened it carefully and smiled when he saw her elegant writing. Sirius had told the truth. She _had_ written all those things.

He held his breath when he read on:

_His wit. (Yes, it's surprising me to write this too.)  
His laugh.  
His smile.  
His charm.  
His body._

A smile appeared on his face when he read that she liked his body. He was more than flattered, he was jubilant at the moment.

How many times had he imagined her body, and even through her clothes, he would stare at her for hours admiring her amazing curves.

But then he read the last two things she wrote, and tears actually filled his eyes. He was now breathing unevenly, and he read the two things over and over again:

_His heart.  
His love for me._

He put the letter down and closed his eyes. He felt a tear roll down his cheek, and he didn't even bother wiping it away. What was the point?

This was what he was waiting for.

She finally acknowledged his love for her, and it was something she really liked. And she liked his heart.

Lily Evans liked him.

The girl of his dreams actually liked him back.

It was all starting to sink in.

He never thought this moment would happen.

And now that it did, all James could do was crumple on the ground and cry.

* * *


	12. A Turn for the Worst

* * *

**AN: First I would really like to apologize for taking so long to update. This time has been the worst. But school has been really busy as I bet you all know, and I have had some personal issues that have made life lately a little hard. Part of me didn't want to write anymore. But I really do love this story, and see it going great places. Then I wrote this chapter, I know it's shorter and you all deserve a longer one since the absense, but I think the next chapter will be really amazing. Also writing it made me realize how much I had missed it, and it actually helps make me feel better. So I'll be updating sooner, I promise. Also, don't get discouraged and think they are going to take all these steps back now, they will get together in time, as we all know :) But I need to be true to the story. **

**Hope you are all doing well.**

**ENJOY xoxo.**

* * *

That night James had waited in the Gryffindor common room practically all night. But Lily was not to be seen.

He would not give up on her, not after everything. Especially now that he knew she did in fact feel something for him too.

James pulled up a blanket over his body and went to lie down on the couch. He heard someone coming down the stairs, and he quickly sat upright.

When he saw it was Sirius, he rolled his eyes and put the blanket over his face and sighed irritably.

"Prongs, you can't ignore me all night. It's getting annoying," Sirius said in a teasing voice.

But James didn't answer, he was too furious with his ex-best friend at the moment. He had started making progress with Lily, and Sirius had practically ruined everything.

He heard Sirius groan, "Come on you bloke. I'm sorry for the hundredth time. I thought it would benefit you both to finally know the truth."

"It wasn't your place to do that," James finally mumbled beneath the heavy blanket.

"I didn't think Lily would react like that," Sirius answered honestly.

James pushed the blanket away and sat upright, "And how did you think she would react from that you prat? You humiliated her!"

Sirius sat in the arm chair next to James and closed his eyes, "I don't know. Maybe by slapping me, but I would've taken it."

James just shook his head and put his head in his hand.

"I just wanted you to hear the thoughts that were going on through her head," Sirius continued, "You deserve to know after all this time that she feels something for you too."

"She _did,_" James replied sadly. There was no way she would ever speak with him again after that scene in the Great Hall.

"You don't know that Prongs," Sirius slowly mumbled.

James looked over at Sirius, "What could I possibly tell her after that? If she ever is seen again that is."

Sirius sighed but kept direct eye contact with James, "How about the exact truth mate?"

But Lily already had known the truth. The question was still left in the air. What would he do? And how could he possibly fix what he was afraid would never be undone.

* * *

Lily knew she was being foolish, but she still sat hiding in the ladies restroom.

She never wanted to be seen again.

How could Sirius humiliate her in that way? Lily rolled her eyes and answered her own question, "Because it's Sirius and he's a complete and utter prat."

She sighed, _Sirius._ This was Sirius' doing, not James, so why was she still so upset with him?

Yes, she might've written her true thoughts about James down, but she hadn't been ready for anyone to see them yet. It was private, and it was supposed to be her secret, no one else.

Especially James Potter.

Lily wiped away the last tear she would allow herself to cry tonight and stood up slowly. It was almost three in the morning and she was simply exhausted.

Luckily it was the weekend and she didn't have to worry about seeing anyone in classes. Then it was Christmas break and she would be able to leave Hogwarts, unseen and unbothered.

Lily smiled for the first time that night. She would write her mother quickly and say she would be coming home the next day instead of waiting for the holiday break to start.

She prayed that everyone would be asleep as she quickly but quietly, made her way back to the Gryffindor common room.

Lily whispered the password and the portrait flew open.

She looked around and smiled when she didn't see anyone else in the room. Lily walked in and was almost to the stairs when she gasped and covered her mouth in respond.

There, lying on the couch, was James.

He was covered in a heavy wool blanket and he was breathing slowly. She saw his glasses tilting almost off his face and his hand was dangling to the ground.

For some reason, the sight of him took her breath away.

She had seen him many times, but at this moment there was something different about him. Lily realized it was because he was asleep. He looked so peaceful now, and wasn't replying with snobbery and idiocy.

Lily knew she was being foolish, but she didn't care. She walked towards him quietly. Her fingers slowly and softly brushed his black hair back off of his forehead.

He sighed and she drew back her hand quickly. Then on his face, a small smile appeared and his mouth parted slightly.

She was now breathing quickly and backed away. Lily turned around when she heard him mumble something, "Lily."

Lily closed her eyes and had a frightening feeling that he had woken up. She didn't want to do this, not just right now, but not ever.

She slowly turned to face him but was surprised when she still saw him sleeping.

He was dreaming about her.

Why in the world of dreams was everything so much simpler? She wanted to live in that world. A world without fear, hate, and death.

Maybe there they could be together without being ridiculed.

She knew it could happen in real life, but she was afraid. Lily felt like falling for James could be so easy. Easier than falling. She had a strange feeling that she wouldn't be able to stop those feelings once they surfaced.

Lily closed her eyes and walked sadly up to her bedroom.

It would have to remain a dream.

That much was certain.

But not even Lily could deny that she was already falling for James Potter.

* * *

James woke up by the loud sound of his peers talking around him.

"James get up man, your taking over the couch."

He heard people keep saying his name. With a groan he sat up and heard some people laughing at him.

"Oh shut it," James mumbled tiredly with a frown. He got up from the couch and decided to go back to bed.

"Hey Prongs!"

James turned slowly at his nickname and knew it was of his own, so it was worth turning for, "Yea?"

He saw Remus walking over to him quickly, "Just found a letter from your mum that was delivered to you barely."

"Thanks Moony," James replied with a small smile taking the letter out of his friends hand.

Remus nodded and looked around slightly, then bent in to whisper, "Any word with Lily yet?"

James sighed and shook his head, "No, I waited all night. She still hasn't been seen."

"Don't fret, you'll be able to talk to her. Just be patient Prongs," Remus said slapping James' back with a smile.

"Thanks. I can always count on you to fix Sirius' mistakes."

Remus laughed, "Well, I'm glad I'm at least able to do that much."

James shook his head, "You don't give yourself enough credit you bloke. You're an amazing guy, and any girl would be so lucky to be with you."

Remus' smile disappeared, "Wow Prongs. All the sudden you're sentimental now?"

He shrugged, "Apparently so. But hey, I'm going to go back to sleep alright?"

His friend nodded and James made his way back to his bed. He shook his head when he saw Sirius sprawled out on his bed. It would appear his friend hadn't lost any sleep and didn't look as if he felt guilty at all.

James went to lay down in his bed and took the letter from his mother with him. He opened it and read to himself:

**Hey my baby boy,**

**I hope you're doing well and your classes are going smoothly. But darling I have some bad news. Your father and I have decided that we want to go on a cruise for Christmas. A cruise is a large ship that Muggles like to go on to take adventures upon the sea. You know we would love to take you along, but we wanted to do this for an early anniversary celebration. Don't fret though, we will send you many lovely gifts and New Years we will be reunited. Maybe you and Sirius can go to Remus' house, or Peter's. But if you like, still come home and invite Sirius and whoever over to celebrate with you. I'm sorry sweetheart. But you are in our thoughts. Love you,**

**Mum.**

James groaned. This was unlike his parents to take off for the holidays. Usually they always spent it together, and now with Sirius, what were they supposed to do?

He always loved going home at that time. There was no point to even going home while his family wasn't there. But he really didn't want to stay at school.

James rolled his eyes. His luck was now definitely turning out for the worst.

* * *

"Lily, wake up love," Lily heard as someone shook her lightly on the shoulder.

Lily opened her eyes and saw Alice standing over her, "What?"

"You got a letter from your parents," Alice started. Lily looked at her and started to open her mouth, but Alice put a hand up, "I'm not going to ask about what happened exactly. But just know I'm always here for you if you'd like to talk."

Lily smiled slightly and grabbed the letter, "Thanks girl."

Alice nodded and left the bedroom. Lily sighed and opened the letter and read:

**Lily,**

**Hey angel. We regret to inform you that we will be out of town for the holidays. Grandma has had stroke, so we need to go to the hospital. Petunia is going with her boyfriend, and the house will be empty. So we won't be able to spend it together. But I know you love Hogwarts, and probably won't mind a bit. Sorry again. Best Holiday Wishes.**

**-Pop and Mum. **

Lily closed her eyes and still felt the tears escaping her eyes.

_She did mind._

Even though she loved Hogwarts, she didn't want to be stuck here for the holidays. She needed to get away and have some time to think clearly for herself. Plus the thought of her poor Grandmother sick from a stroke didn't make her feel any better.

Why was everything turning out for the worst?

* * *


	13. Might As Well Be Stangers

* * *

**AN: Hey readers!! How is everyone??? Hopefully very well. I know this chapter is smaller, but it had to lead into the next one. I LOVE the next chapter... i'll just say it might be a turning point between the two. Their love story really is special, and I want to take my time showing every aspect of that. **

**Anyways enjoy!**

**xoxo.**

* * *

James groaned as he rolled out of bed. Everyone would be going home today for the holidays, and he was stuck at school. He loved it at Hogwarts, but he looked forward to the holidays with his parents every year.

Sirius had also given him a hard time, "What the hell is wrong with you mate? This is prime opportunity for a party at your house!"

"I just don't really feel like partying," James had replied.

Remus laughed and shook his head, "Since when?"

Since his life had gone to hell. Since he hadn't truly seen Lily since the incident.

"Since Evans wants _nothing_ to do with me."

"Hasn't that been the whole time you've known her," Peter asked sheepishly.

Sirius burst out laughing and James glared at his so called best friend, "Well she wouldn't have if a certain best friend of mine hadn't screwed everything up so badly."

That took the smile right off of Sirius' face.

"I said I was sorry, want me to go talk to her?" Sirius said patting James on the back.

James glared at Sirius, "Are you kidding? You're the one that embarrassed her! You are probably the last person she would want to see."

"After you of course," Peter mumbled.

James smacked Peter in the head, "Seriously Wormtail, shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you."

"Hey there will be no shutting of anyone's mouth. Wormtail doesn't mean any harm Prongs," Remus said putting his hands between them. "You just need to make it up to Lily."

Leave it to Remus to be the master of saving life altering situations. But he felt like this was even out of Remus' league.

He had started to give up hope.

James groaned, "But how?"

"I don't know, but maybe over the break you'll think of something. Refresh that brain of yours!"

Sirius nodded, "Moony has a point Prongs. You never know over the break, she may change her mind. But in the meantime… let's party it up."

James shook his head and had walked away from his group of friends who clearly didn't understand the situation very well.

So now here he was, rolling out of bed and watching everyone pull their trunks away and yelling their farewells.

"See you Potter!"

"Bye Potter."

"Hope you get Evans for Christmas this year mate."

He was _now_ considering leaving the school. Sitting alone in misery wouldn't help anyone.

_Maybe I better go tell Sirius that he can stay at my house, I know he can't go home, and staying at Peter's sounds like a drag. _

James rolled his eyes at his now sudden compassion for his friend who had screwed him over in the first place. He waited till they all cleared out. He started to walk down to the common room when he heard her voice.

"It's really alright. I honestly don't mind staying at Hogwarts for the break."

"Lily, you are being absurd! Just come stay at my house," Madison was saying in a strained voice.

"Yes, or you know you're always welcome at mine too," Alice agreed.

James bent down so he could see Lily. He felt like he hadn't seen her in days, and the sight of her made his heart beat faster.

He saw Lily shake her head, "No I want to stay here till I have word on my Grandmother. Plus, it will be nice to think about some things."

"Potter?"

James jumped back. Had the girls seen him?

"No not about Potter…" Lily said quietly.

They were talking about him, and they hadn't spotted him at all. He bent back down and saw Madison take a seat next to Lily.

"You are being so ridiculous. You are going to sit and mope about what happened with Potter aren't you?"

Lily glared at Madison, "Oh my goodness, I am not."

Madison almost laughed and shook her head, "Oh like you haven't been moping for the last couple of days and practically been hiding in your room?"

Alice smacked Madison's arm, "Madison back off a little bit."

"I'm just saying," Madison said rolling her eyes. "I just don't want you to be sad anymore."

"I'm not sad you guys."

Her friends both looked at her with unconvinced glances.

Finally Lily sighed, "Okay, I am. Happy?"

"No, that doesn't make us happy Lil," Alice replied touching her friend's hair. "Please come with us. I can't leave you here knowing you are having an awful holiday."

"Listen, I really just need some to be alone. If I get really lonely, which I probably will, I'll contact you both as soon as possible. Sound fair?"

Madison raised her eyebrow, "Only if you actually are serious about contacting us."

Lily smiled the smile that James had longed to see for days, "It's a promise. I cross my heart!" Lily crossed her heart and gave Madison a hug.

"Okay okay!" Madison hugged her back and James pulled away.

_This is my chance, _James thought, _I can spend time with her alone and make it up to her._

He smiled and ran back to his room to tell Sirius that he wasn't going anywhere.

James felt the hope flying back into his body.

* * *

"We love you," Alice said with a final smile.

Lily smiled. It felt good to smile again, "And I love you both. Have a great holiday!"

Her best friends walked out of the common room and Lily was left sitting alone.

Maybe she had made a mistake, she was already feeling somewhat lonely. But at the same time, this was her opportunity to get ahead with her magic and taken advantage of being at the school alone.

And _him. _Potter.

She didn't like to admit it, but now she could finally see where her feeling for James lied. She didn't even know she still felt about him. But something was telling her not to give up on him just yet.

"Hey Lily!"

Lily looked up startled and saw another Gryffindor girl, "Oh hello Susan."

"I think I'm the last girl out. You going to be alright?"

Lily nodded, "Yes, thank you for your concern. It might be lonely all by myself, but I'll be fine!"

Susan raised her eyebrows, "You won't be alone though…"

"Oh I understand. I'm sure students from other houses will be here."

"That's not what I meant entirely," Susan replied nervously.

Lily was confused. "Do you mean that other Gryffindor's are staying too?"

Susan sighed, "Just one."

Lily smiled, "Oh who? That will be nice!"

"I thought you would've already known. But the other person who is staying is James Potter."

_WHAT!?_

Lily's mouth opened in shock, "How do you know that Susan?"

"I heard him talking to some of the boys earlier, saying that he was stuck here also. That might be nice for you two though right? Doesn't he like you?"

Lily however didn't answer. This didn't make sense. Why hadn't James gone with Sirius or his friends if he couldn't go home?

Lily looked towards the door, she wondered if it was too late to go chase after her friends.

* * *

She knew she was being stupid, but Lily had sat in her bedroom for three hours now. Finally her stomach was telling her that she needed food, and quickly.

"I'm being stupid," Lily mumbled quietly, "I can't starve up here."

She would go eat, and maybe she wouldn't even see James. The odds weren't good though, so she would definitely have to be sneaky.

Lily went down the stairs quietly and looked behind her for a moment because she thought she forgot something.

She bumped right into someone.

Strong arms grabbed her.

Lily looked up into the eyes of James Potter. James just stared down at her, and neither talked for a moment.

Finally James cleared his throat, "Oh sorry. Didn't see you Evans. Are you alright?"

Lily moved out of his grasp, "I'm fine thanks."

She felt her cheeks start to blush as she looked up at his face again. Her heart started pounding against her chest.

She knew at that moment that she still in fact liked him. That definitely wasn't going to change anytime soon. But what was she supposed to do? She couldn't talk about the situation where she had been embarrassed so badly, but she knew he would bring it up. And Lily wasn't ready for that.

"I guess it's just the two of us over break," James said ruffling his hair with his head and gave her a sheepish grin.

Lily sighed, "Yes, I suppose so."

_Great, _Lily thought. _It will be you, me and this great big white elephant in the room with us. _

* * *


	14. The Message

* * *

**AN: Hello my wonderful readers :) I hope you are all doing superb!! (SUPERB - I like that word hehe.) Anways, hope you are still liking what you are reading. And I hope you are as excited as me to read what will happen between these two over the break! I think you'll be surprised for what's to come. Enjoy as always!! And share the love as usual, with the reviews!!**

**xoxo**

* * *

Lily started walking away from him, and he knew he needed to spend all the time he could with her.

"Evans, wait!"

He heard Lily sigh, "What is it James?"

James didn't know why he was so nervous for it to be just the two of them, but he was. And he wasn't in any condition to be rejected by her. But he still asked, "You hungry?"

She didn't speak for a moment then finally she nodded, "Starving actually."

James smiled, "Would you want to join me then?" He was scared for her reply, but the worst she could say was no. And he was used to that word in her vocabulary.

"Okay," Lily replied softly.

He had definitely died and gone to heaven, "You sure?" James knew it was stupid to press the matter further, but he couldn't help it. He was definitely in awe.

Lily smiled slightly, "I said yes didn't I? Stop pushing it, or I'll take it back."

James put up a hand, "Okay, gorgeous. I'm stopping promise. Just surprised I guess."

"You don't even know how to act when I'm nice to you do you?"

He laughed, "That's not entirely why I'm surprised."

Lily raised an eyebrow, "Want to fill me in then Potter?"

No, he definitely didn't want to fill her in. Because that would have to do with the 'list' that had created so much anticipation between the two in the first place.

"Maybe over the break," James answered honestly.

She shook her head, "Always secrets and games with you."

"You're wrong," He simply said.

Lily winked, "I guess you'll just have to prove me wrong then, wont you James?" She started walking passed him, closer then he would've thought she would. "Well if you don't mind, I'm going to eat now because like I said I'm absolutely starving. But if you want to sit here and keep secrets with yourself be my guest."

And with that she walked out of the Gryffindor common room.

_That's my girl, _James thought with a huge smile, following after her quickly.

* * *

She was surprised how outgoing she had barely gotten with him after what seemed like a month of silence. But what was the point in making it even more awkward? She might as well salvage what she could out of this break with James.

Maybe in this time they could work out some things. Even though she didn't think she could deny her feelings for him anymore. But she knew the 'list' would be brought up eventually, and she wasn't entirely sure how she was going to go about explaining it.

_I guess time will tell, _she thought quietly to herself.

She looked over at him as they walked to the Great Hall. And he was peering over at her sideways and smiling. He always looked at her in this way like she was God's gift on earth.

Lily used to find his gawking more than annoying, but now it made her blush. She quickly looked away.

"I hope your grandmother will be alright," James finally said breaking the silence.

Her head spun quickly to face him, "How did you know about that?"

"Just word travels fast you could say," He said with a small smile and then he bit his lip like he wasn't telling her the truth.

But she wasn't going to be rude when he was obviously being sincere, "Well thank you. Me too."

"Are you sad you can't go home?"

Lily shook her head, "Actually more relieved you could say."

She noticed his eyebrow raised, "Would it be rude of me to ask why?"

Lily laughed slightly, "Well you are already prying as it is, so might as well continue right?"

James laughed, "Hey, I'm just trying to make small talk alright?"

"I know, I'm kidding," Lily said pulling her hair back behind her shoulders. She noticed James looking at her now exposed neck and swallow. She felt her cheeks once again grow hot, but she continued, "I'm relieved that I don't have to see my sister Petunia."

"Oh I have heard about her," James said clearing his throat. "Why is she so awful to you?"

Lily looked down sadly. In the past she had wondered the same thing, but now she was giving up hope that they would ever be close again, "Because I'm different."

She saw from the corner of her eye that James turned to face her, "There's nothing wrong with being different Evans. Especially when people like you make it look so amazing."

Lily felt her breathing quicken. Why did he care about her so much? All she had ever done was treat him horribly, and yet he put her on this pedestal constantly, "Well thanks for saying that, but I would have to disagree."

"Well I already know you cannot take a compliment, but it goes deeper than that."

This was so hard for her to talk about, yet she felt like he should know more about her family, her life.

"I think she feels like I left her behind. Well that's how it was when I was younger anyways. Even Sev saw it, yet he didn't care about her feelings too much."

James laughed and ran his hand through his hair, "Not much has changed with him."

"Yea, and I'm starting to think she was right about him all along," Lily confessed sadly.

James stopped laughing and she could see him frown, "Did you really care for him that much?"

Lily looked over at him, "At one point yes. He was my best friend James. I don't really expect you to understand that." She was irritated because it seemed like he was judging her lack of qualities within a friend. But what he didn't realize was that she missed her old friend every day.

"I guess I just don't see what you saw in him is all."

Lily shook her head, "He wasn't always like this. Sev has become darker these last few years, and I don't understand it. It seems like he loves Voldermort and dark magic more than anything else."

"I don't how anyone can respect someone like Voldermort. He acts all high and mighty, but all he is, is a murderous fiend who craves power."

Lily looked up and nodded, "That's what I believe too. He needs to be brought down."

James startled her by laughing, "That's pretty sexy of you to say. I like it when you get all high and mighty there Evans."

Lily rolled her eyes, but she herself couldn't not laugh at the statement, "Well I am rather sexy aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. Always have been," James admitted with a grin.

Lily was joking, but she knew he really meant it. And she couldn't deny they were having a moment at last and she didn't hate it, not in the slightest.

* * *

Once again, Hogwarts didn't displease him with the quality of food, "Dumbledore really should get an award for this school. Tell me this isn't the best meal you have ever had?"

Lily smiled and brushed her long red hair out of her face, "Well tonight it seems extra delicious. But maybe it's because how starving I was."

"Or because you're eating it with me."

Lily's eyes met his and they stared at each other for a long moment. He missed looking into her beautiful emerald green eyes. It had been weeks since he had gazed in them.

And the chemistry between them tonight was overflowing around them, that much he was certain.

For once he was happy Sirius was gone!

As if she could sense that he was thinking about his friends, she asked about them, "So, um, did all your friends go home?"

James nodded, "Yes, even Sirius which is surprising."

"Why surprising?"

James sighed, "Well, he doesn't exactly have it so easy at home. His family looks down on him a lot, mostly because of his beliefs, and well, he's not a Slytherin like his long line of blood. They practically disowned him. But I think he wanted to see if he could fix any last ties they might potentially be able to have. I don't think he'll last very long though."

Lily bit her lip, "That's really sad. But it explains a lot."

James was confused, "What do you mean explains a lot?"

"Well how he acts," Lily said shaking her head.

James knew where she was getting at. Apparently she still hadn't forgiven him for embarrassing her, "He's not a bad guy Evans. I just think he likes the attention."

"He definitely gets a lot of attention then," Lily replied with a small laugh.

James didn't like anyone putting down his best friend, but if anyone deserved to do it, it was Lily Evans. But he still couldn't deny the love he felt for Sirius, "He's the best friend I've ever had."

Her smile vanished, "As long as he's good to you I guess."

They stared at each other again for a moment, "Listen Lily, he didn't mean any harm by-"

But she put a finger up, "Just don't alright? I'm going to bed." Lily stood up abruptly and started to turn away, "Have a good night James."

He knew the moment he started bringing this up she would turn away, but he had to bring it up at some point. But it was his mistake to think that that moment was the correct time for it. Especially when they had been getting along so well.

James didn't even bother trying for the moment, "Good night Lily."

Lily looked down at him for a moment and sighed, then turned and walked out of the Great Hall.

* * *

Once again she had ruined a good moment between the two of them. But she couldn't help it. How could James take Sirius' side after he humiliated her so badly?

She guessed that James simply didn't know how much that had hurt her. Or that boys always take their friends sides.

After all, she would for her friends.

She knew after awhile though, that James was in fact going to give up on her. At one point, he was going to get sick and tired of her mood swings, she was sure of it.

Lily felt her eyes tear up and she quickly wiped them. She was surprised how much she cried over this boy.

Why now? Especially after all this time, what was so special about him?

But that was the thing. James Potter was special. At least to her he was.

She would have to apologize, that much was sure.

Lily stopped walking and debated going right back into the Great Hall to speak with him. But at that exact moment she heard footsteps.

She looked behind her but no one was there. Other students were still in the school, along with Dumbledore and some other teachers. But why then did she have a weird feeling about this?

Lily felt her heart quicken, but she decided to just go to the Dorm.

The footsteps got louder and faster. She stopped again and turned around, "Hello? Who's there?"

But no one answered. "James?" She asked. Nothing.

Something was definitely wrong.

All of the sudden hard hands shoved her against the school's wall.

She felt a shooting pain go through her back and she tried to move out of the person's arms, "Let go of me!"

"Severus said not to harm you, but he's not here right now is he?"

"Who are you?" Lily spat back at the evil dark voice.

The laugh gave her chills and she felt fingernails digging into her arms, "Let's just say, someone to deliver a message."

She knew the voice was a guy, but she didn't recognize it.

"Don't hurt me," Lily pleaded, now truly scared.

"Shut up," The man growled shoving her even harder against the wall.

She cried out in fear, and wished James was there more than anything.

But before she could think about James for another moment, she received the message.

* * *

James sighed as he saw the Fat Lady portrait. He wasn't sure he even wanted to go into the Gryffindor common room yet.

He wished he could still be spending time with Lily.

But that was over now.

James went in and sat on the couch for a moment. The common room was quiet, too quiet for his liking. And he was beginning to really miss his loud friends.

He looked over at the girl's dorm room, and he was debating snooping on Lily with the invisibility cloak. But he didn't want to be a creeper, and that would be exactly what he would be if he did.

Instead he pulled out some parchment, and decided to write his friends.

**Padfoot,**

**What's up mate? How's it back at home for the holidays? Is the black family treating you alright? Partying at my house is starting to look better and better at the moment. This is lame to write, but Lily and I had shared a moment tonight. But it was soon interrupted by talking of you. She's definitely not your biggest fan anymore like most girls are. But I'm happy she doesn't like you, because then I would be the first on her hate list.**

He stopped writing as he heard scratching from the other side of the portrait.

Chills made their way up and down his arms, but he shook his head and ignored it.

He continued writing to Sirus:

**Anyways, write back soon you bloke. I miss you surprisingly enough and**

The scratching got louder and he heard a loud pound on the door.

James jumped up and grabbed his wand out of his pocket.

Something was wrong here.

He turned and looked up at the girl's side. He needed to at least be brave for Lily. He would always protect her, always.

He gulped and made his way toward the portrait. He called out to the other side, "Who's there?"

But the pounding just grew louder and louder.

Finally it stopped, and was no more. But something was still not right. He felt as if he needed to open the door.

James slowly opened the door holding his wand tightly in his hand.

When he looked out he saw red hair turned away from him, "Lily?" James asked startled and surprised. "What are you pounding for? Forget the password. That's funny. I never thought I'd see the day when Lily Evans forgot anything."

But Lily didn't answer him.

"What's going on Evans? Don't be all shy now. I forgive you for yelling at me once again, at dinner okay? No hard feelings."

Nothing.

Yes, something was definitely wrong. He slowly walked over to her and made his way in front of her. When he looked at her she was closing her eyes.

"Oh God…" James said quietly. What was wrong with her? "Evans!" He said in a raspy voice, shaking her hardly.

Finally her eyes opened, but they weren't her eyes at all. The beautiful emerald eyes were gone, instead placed with deep black.

"What happened to you Evans? Tell me now! Who did this to you?" James desperately asked. Whoever did this to her was going to die, that much was sure.

An evil grin made its way on her face, one that was definitely not her own.

Finally her mouth opened slowly, "The Dark Lord _will_ rise. Follow him or die a terrible death."

James opened his mouth in fear. It was Lily's voice, but it was contorted to sound dark and evil.

Lily continued chanting, "Death Eaters unite. Be one, be whole. The time will come. The time will come. The time will come._ His_ time will come."

James grabbed her arms, "Stop it! Stop it Evans! Snap out of it!"

Finally Lily's eyes closed again. And she started shaking violently.

What should he do? He felt as if he was going to faint. He had never seen dark magic like this on someone. And he hated seeing her like this.

She was not okay.

"Help me!" James screamed to no one. The castle echoed his scream throughout the walls.

Then Lily stopped shaking and opened her eyes. James was scared what he would see. But it was her. The emerald eyes were back.

"Lily?" He asked terrified, not for him, but for her. "Evans answer me!"

Her mouth opened slightly, "James…"

At that exact moment he felt something wet drip on his hand. James looked down at her arm and gasped loudly. There on her forearm was a symbol he had never seen before. It wasn't tattooed, but instead sliced into her arm. He hadn't noticed it before, but she was bleeding, a lot.

"You'll be okay alright?" James looked around desperately for any sign of anyone.

But Lily didn't act like she understood what he was trying to say. Instead she said his name once more, "James."

And with that she fell into his arms.

* * *


	15. Hospital

**AN: READERS, READERS, READERS. First, I'm SO sorry that I haven't updated since what... October? WOWZER. I didn't not want to be that kind of author, especially because so many of you love this story. So I'm so sorry for the wait. Life just catches up with you sometimes, and pleasure (such as writing) becomes a last priority unfortunately. BUT, I'm back and going to update as soon as possible. Promise Promise. **

***Reminder what happened last chapter= Lily and James are staying at Hogwarts for Christmas Break. This is their chance to finally form some sort of friendship, maybe more. Just to remind you all, this is their sixth year. Most of the romance will happen in their 7th. :) _I did this because I wanted to have it really build up, not just have them all the sudden be in love if you will. I think by building some sort of foundation, it makes it all more real. Because if I were Lily Evans, and dispised someone like James.. I couldn't just fall head over heels for them after a few nice deeds. It would take friendship first. So that's what I'm doing._ Anyways, back to the story. They were having dinner and having a rather nice time. But James upset her again about mentioning Sirius and the 'list'. Lily left and was attacked by someone. She ended up giving some sort of message to James about Voldermort, and then fainted. Where we are now, Lily is fighting for her life. Will she be ok? Will she remember who did it? FIND OUT :)**

**Enjoy the chapter my loves.**

**xoxo**

* * *

James paced back and forth in the hospital wing. The nurse and Dumbledore wouldn't let him in, and he was even more scared when Dumbledore had made a chilling response to the cut sliced into Lily's arm.

_What if she doesn't make it? I won't live. _But James shook his head. He couldn't think that way, because if he did, he would crumble and be no more.

That much was definitely certain.

He knew what would have to happen next. First Lily was going to wake up and get better, secondly he was going to spend the remainder of Christmas break finding the disgusting animal who had done this to her.

She would have vengeance.

James couldn't help but think of all the horrible things he would do to the bastard.

That was _his girl_, and he knew the person had touched her. They would definitely pay.

He sighed. He wished that they had given him the message instead of hurting her. Or if he hadn't of brought of Sirius and the list, maybe he could've walked her back to the dorms and she would be safe now in her bed.

But she wasn't safe. And he hadn't kept her safe like he always wanted to.

He had failed the one task he was always certain he would make happen. James looked at the walls of the hospital wing and almost punched a hole into it. But he knew that he would get into trouble, and would probably be sent home. And after he failed Lily once, he needed to be by her side. Slowly he tightened his hand into a fist and moved his arm by his side.

He looked at the closed doors of the hospital wing and shook his head, "Please Evans. Be okay for me. I'll do anything. And next time, I will protect you."

That is, if there was to be a next time for her.

* * *

"_This is your last chance, move away from him."_

"_Please, just leave us alone. Hurt me, just don't hurt him!"_

"_I said MOVE you stupid girl."_

"_No!!"_

Lily's eyes opened from the startling green flash she saw inside her dreams. This wasn't the first time she had had that disturbing dream. And it felt so real, not like a dream at all. More of a glimpse of something to come.

She felt miserable as she looked around the room and her body was extremely sore and tense.

Lily tried to sit up when she heard a soft voice, "Ms. Evans please stay still and rest."

She looked over and saw Professor Dumbledore sitting next to her in a chair. The man looked worried, but instantly calmed her with his kind eyes behind the glasses.

"What's going on Professor?"

The professor sighed, "You don't remember my child?"

Lily closed her eyes and tried to remember. The last thing she remembered was leaving James in the Great Hall. She opened her eyes, "No, I wish I could. But I don't."

"I figured as much," Dumbledore started, "You've been through a great ordeal."

Her heart started pounding in her chest and she sat up, "Is James alright?" She didn't know why she immediately asked about Potter, but for some reason she felt as if his life had been in danger. Instantly she felt a sharp pain rush through her head, and she sunk back into the sheets.

The professor put up a hand, "It's alright my dear. James is fine, it's you we've all been worried about."

Lily just looked puzzled and shook her head.

Dumbledore continued, "You were attacked by a Death Eater we believe."

Lily felt immediately sick and felt the blood drain from her head, "What?"

"Yes, in the hallway. And Mr. Potter found you in front of the Gryffindor common room. You said a message along these lines, 'The Dark Lord will rise. Follow him or die a terrible death. Death Eaters unite. Be one, be whole. The time will come. The time will come. The time will come._ His_ time will come.' Mr. Potter saw a cut on your arm, and then you fainted."

She felt tears sting her eyes and she looked down at her arm. There was a bandage around it so she couldn't see what exactly the professor was saying, "But why would they attack me?"

Although she knew the answer before she even finished, "Oh… because I'm Muggle Born."

The professor nodded with sad eyes, "I believe that might be the case, even though I hope it's not."

"I'm hated all around I suppose," Lily said wiping her eyes.

Dumbledore leaned over to her and grabbed her hand tightly, "My dear, that is a lie. That may be your back ground but you are one of the smartest witches I have met by far, and I've met quite a few. And if you were hated like you said, then why would a certain boy be pacing outside those very doors as we speak."

Her heart stopped for a second, "James?"

The professor nodded and smiled slightly, "He's been worried sick actually. I told him to get some sleep and he actually argued with me."

Lily laughed, "Well that's James Potter for you. He's very stubborn."

"And very much in love."

Lily's smile vanished instantly, "Excuse me?"

Dumbledore, "Maybe I overstepped my boundaries. I may be old, but I'm not blind. That boy cares deeply for you. Young love is really beautiful. It sheds some light in such a dark time."

Lily bit her lip and nodded. It was all she could do.

"Well Ms. Evans you will be fine. Just need to rest for tonight and tomorrow, and then I'm sure you'll be excused from the wing."

"You really think I should stay here though sir? I mean what if the Death Eater returns?"

Dumbledore shook his head before she finished speaking, "Ms. Evans, nothing will get to you again or any other student over the break. We are on high alert and have Aurors' coming to the school."

Lily sighed but nodded.

"Plus Lily, this is your sixth year and it's almost coming to an end. Please try and enjoy it for what it's worth. We can't go back, only forward."

"I'll try Professor, you know I love this school." She wanted to finish saying and loved the people in it, but felt embarrassed saying so.

Lily looked towards the door. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows, "I'm sure a quick visit shall be allowed if you are feeling up for it?"

James had saved her life, and he hadn't left her side. So a visit seemed reasonable and for the fact that she really wanted to see his face and untidy hair right now.

Lily nodded, "Of course."

"Feel better my dear, and I promise you shouldn't worry about your safety. You'll be very taken care of," Dumbledore reminded her once more.

Lily smiled even though she was still terrified of being alone now in Hogwarts.

Dumbledore opened the door and James fell into the room. It had been clear that he was leaning against the door, "Oh I'm sorry Mr. Potter."

James jumped up and looked rather embarrassed, "It was my fault Professor, no worries." James looked over at Lily and a look of relief made its way onto his face. Lily couldn't help but smile.

"Hello James."

James smiled slightly and looked at her in a way that he never had before. Then he cleared his throat, "Well hello to you Evans."

Dumbledore smiled slightly and looked back and forth at the two of them, "Aw, to be young. I'll leave the two of you to speak. But not too long Mr. Potter, Ms. Evans does need her rest."

"Of course sir," James said nodding rapidly.

The professor patted James' back and turned to wink at Lily, then left the two of them alone.

James just sat there staring at her not moving.

Lily laughed quietly, "Are you going to come over here and sit down, or just become my own personal statue?"

His stance relaxed slightly and he nodded moving over towards her with a small smile, "Well I love hearing you say 'your personal anything' Evans. But I do want to talk to you."

Lily shook her head at his sarcasm, even though she was sad to admit she was getting used to it and actually enjoyed it.

He sat next to her and she noticed his eyes trailing down to her arm where the bandaged was covered. He bit his lip and she saw something flash in his eyes. Anger.

"Potter, I'm fine," Lily reminded him. She didn't want him to do anything rash, anything that might get himself killed over.

James shook his head, "I should've been there. I'm so sorry Evans."

Lily opened her mouth slightly. James was actually blaming himself for her being attacked, "This wasn't your fault James."

He looked down at his hands and his expression was pained, "Maybe. Maybe not. But that's not the point. I should have protected you."

"How were you to know that would happen? This is Hogwarts not Diagon Alley or something. We were supposed to feel safe here. It could've been anyone. I'm just glad it was me. And I'm guessing it's because I'm Muggleborn."

James' head snapped up, "You what? How could you possibly say that?"

His eyes were wild and he stood up shaking his head. Lily put a hand up, "Please just calm down Potter." James, she could tell, was trying extremely hard not to snap. But finally nodded and sat back down. She continued, "I only meant that if they attacked me, they couldn't hurt anyone else. I care about so many people in this school. I wouldn't want what happened to me, happen to them you know?"

James shook his head, "Typical Evans. So selfless, but stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"It's just you just make yourself seem not as important as you really are. You do realize that some people in this school would die if anything ever happened to you."

"I highly doubt that." Lily rolled her eyes at the thought. Sure she was extremely liked at this school, and if something happened to her people would mourn, but they would move on. As they should.

James looked into her eyes and slowly got up. He walked over to the bed and put his hand on her hand. Her heart started pounding faster and she bit her lip, not moving her hand. There was no point, because she didn't want to move it.

"Don't doubt that Evans. Because I would be one of those people that would die."

Lily stared into his eyes and felt herself blush, "Why? I'm completely ordinary."

"Not to me." That was all he said, but it felt like such a confession that he might have as well just told her that he loved her.

"James…" She didn't know what to even say, but she was so touched.

He closed his eyes and bent down towards her.

Was he going to kiss her? Was this it?

But he didn't, instead he just touched his forehead to hers. She closed her eyes, and inhaled his scent in.

This moment was so meaningful to her for some weird reason. It was more than just a kiss.

He grabbed onto her like he was never going to let her go and whispered softly, "I swear to God, nothing like this will ever happen to you again. I'll give my life up before someone ever touches you again."

She opened her eyes slowly. Something about what he just said felt so real, and sent a shiver down her spine. Not in a good way. Because what he just said felt in that second, that it might actually happen.


	16. Getting To Know You

**AN: THANKS READERS :) I can always count on you to brighten up my day. Your reviews weren't only nice, but helpful as well. I really want to start recognizing the characters on a more personal basis. Each one is important in their own way and to the story. So through out the chapters you'll be learning more about them, not just James and Lily :) I really liked this chapter because it's the first time we see how well the main characters know each other. Sorry if it's not that long, my chapters may be shorter than other stories, but I am going to try and update more frequently that's a promise. I just don't have time to write really long ones. But hopefully you'll still love them like I do anyways.**

**ENJOY xoxo.**

* * *

Lily was released out of the hospital the next day. She smiled as she exited the hospital doors and saw James standing there waiting for her.

"So are you not going to be letting me out of your sight from now on?" Lily asked with a giggle.

James winked at her, "That's right Evans. So you better get used to me."

She shook her head and they went to the Great Hall to get some breakfast. Besides being attacked by what they all believed to be a Death Eater, Lily was enjoying her time alone with James. But she did want to get to know him better. She couldn't believe after sixth years she hardly knew anything about him.

"Well if you're going to be following me around like a love-sick puppy, how about we get to know each other a little better?" Lily said as she bit into the warm eggs.

James laughed and chugged his orange juice down, "Evans, first of all, when you say 'love-sick puppy' that just looks bad on my ego, and secondly I practically know everything about you already."

She stopped chewing for a minute. Lily sat and stared at him. Could that possibly be true that he knew everything about her, "Prove it." She said simply.

James stretched and smiled, "This will be easy. You live in the Muggle world in a village called Spinner's End. You are Muggle born, but you are more talented than any student in this school-"

"-That is not true Potter, I am not more talented."

James put a finger up, "Hey, you wanted me to prove that I know you. Then hush Evans."

Lily rolled her eyes and James continued with a small nod, "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, you are _thee_ most talented witch within the walls of Hogwarts. You have an older sister named Petunia and she treats you horribly. She treats you that way because of pure jealousy. If you ask me she wanted the letter you received all those years ago, and because she isn't a witch she likes to make fun of what you are, which is complete blasphemy if you ask me."

James stopped talking and she was sure it was because her eyes had filled up with tears. He had been dead on about Petunia, and she just wished that she had been closer with her sister all those years.

"Lily I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries."

She shook her head, "That's not it. I'm sorry." Lily wiped her eyes and was embarrassed that she was crying in front of him. But overall she didn't really care. After a moment she looked into his eyes, "Well? Continue."

James cleared his throat, "Yea alright. Um, your childhood best friend was Severus Snape and he's been in love with you from the moment he met you all those years ago."

Lily glared. She didn't want to talk about Severus. Ever. "Now you are overstepping your boundaries Potter."

"Oh come on Evans, it's the truth and you know it. Why else do you think he despises me so much?"

She scoffed, "I have no idea what you mean."

He put a hand on his forehead, "Maybe you aren't as smart as I thought. He knows I have fancied you since the moment I have met you too. And he knows we'll end up together, just as I do."

Lily's mouth fell open, "We are not going to end up together Potter. We are just barely becoming friends. Don't push it."

James gave her a confident smile, "Evans, I bet you everything on my life that you and me will end up together one day. Maybe not anytime soon, but it will happen. I know it will."

"Care to make a bet on that?"

"Of course I would," James winked, "But I wouldn't bet anything you really care about to lose."

She rolled her eyes, "Why are you so cocky Potter?"

"It's one of my best traits," James laughed.

"Well I bet that if I fall in love with you, you lose your cocky exterior. For good."

James whistled, "Well good thing you're going to lose then. Alright though, you have yourself a deal."

"As I thought," Lily smiled confidently even though some weird feeling told her she was going to lose. She shook the thought from her head. James Potter may be growing on her, but she was never going to fall in love with someone like him. And definitely wasn't going to end up with him.

"And Mrs. Potter," James said ruffling his hair and paused for a moment, "Wow. I do like the sound of that."

"Just get on with it," Lily replied irritably.

"If you do fall in love with me, you will go on a date with me."

"That's what you want? A date?"

James nodded, "Well it's a high stake. I've been asking you for years now, and you keep bruising my ego by saying no in so many different lovely ways. So yes, I want to go on a that date with you."

Lily sighed, "Alright a date then, even though it will only happen in your dreams Potter."

James leaned in closer towards her and gave her a look she hadn't seen before. He actually looked extremely good looking in that one second. The way his eyes pierced into hers. Her breathing quickened and she sat there tightening her fists.

Finally he spoke, "Which finally is about to come true."

* * *

They finally made their way back to the Gryffindor corridor and James made his way to the couch. He looked over at Lily and smiled. She was bent over pushing the wood in the fireplace to make the flame bigger.

God he loved everything about this girl. The way she moved, the way she spoke, everything.

He knew that she didn't believe him when he had told her they would end up together, but he knew down to his core it would happen.

James knew it to be true, because of how badly he wanted it to come true. And if he had to, he would make it happen. Fate or not.

She was the only girl in his entire existence that he wanted, and he knew that she would be the only one he would ever want. He didn't even think about her with other guys, the thought made him deeply sick.

Lily Evans was his, and always would be his. Now he had to make her see that.

"So you know Evans, I didn't finish proving to you how well I know you."

Lily looked up from the fireplace slightly and her face seemed to glow along with her beautiful red hair, "Oh really? Well please, enlighten me."

"Evans, you know you are extremely impressed that I already knew that much about you."

Lily nodded, "Impressed or the feeling of being stalked? Hmm." She tapped her chin, but gave him a slight smile.

"Hey," James said putting up his hands, "You can take it whichever way you want. That's up to you. Anyways, lets see. Oh right. Your best subject at school is Potions, and Professor Slughorn loves you. You're even a part of the Slug Club."

"Jealous?" Lily asked with a small laugh that he adored.

"Well you'll take me to the parties again I'm sure, and that's the only good part. So no, not jealous at all. Okay you have two best friends, Alice and Madison. Alice is a strong girl but shy. Madison is a flirt and can be ditzy, yet she really is smart. Oh and you never date because you're waiting for me."

Lily's head snapped up, "You are always so arrogant aren't you?"

"I'm just being honest."

Lily sighed, "Fine. I guess you know everything about me don't you?"

"I know a lot more than just the simple facts about your life. I know you on a different level," James admitted bravely.

She looked over at him, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"I know who you are on the inside Lily. You try to act brave and like you don't care a lot, but deep down you are the sweetest girl in the world who cares so much about the people around you. You definitely are beautiful inside and out."

Lily didn't say anything, and James didn't know if he overstepped his boundaries again. But he didn't care. One way or another he was going to make her see what she meant to him.

Lily brushed her red locks out of her face, "Thank you." Was all she said.

He wished so bad he could get inside her head in that one moment, because what he left out was that she was extremely hard to read. It was like reading a book from a foreign country with her.

"So, what do you know about me?"

Lily bit her lip, "Well I know some things, but not on a stalker level like you."

He ignored that. He was used to her kicks to his stomach by now, "Alright then, shoot."

"You come from a pure-blood wizarding family. Your parents are older, and you are rather wealthy. Your parents definitely pamper and spoil you, because you are an only child."

James laughed and shook his head, "Well you are definitely making me sound like such a good person."

"May I continue? I mean it is the truth after all," Lily replied with some hostility in her voice that he knew too well.

"Be my guest lovely one."

Lily shook her head but continued, "Your best friend in the whole world is Sirius Black, who is the first in his line of family to be a Gryffindor rather than a Slytherin."

"Thank God for that," James interrupted.

Lily glared. James pretended to zip his mouth shut and allowed her to finish, "You also have two other really good friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. You all are in a group, I'm not sure what it's called but you guys are really secretive and always leave at night once a month."

How could Lily possibly know that? She was more observant than he gave her credit for. Of course she couldn't possibly know that Lupin was a werewolf and that their group called the Marauders. They had spent three years learning to become Animagi to help be with Remus during these hard times of his transformation. Last year, James had successfully transformed into a stag, and from that point forward had been called Prongs.

Of course Lily couldn't possibly know all this. But he would have to keep an eye on her from now on. He knew she wouldn't get them into trouble, but she didn't want her turning on his group because of what they were and did for Remus.

Lily cleared her throat, "Are you even listening to me anymore? You seem like you are in a daze or something."

James snapped out of it, "Sorry please continue." He gave her a small polite smile and she nodded.

"Well I said that you play Quidditch and you are a chaser. You are quite good, but that's what makes you rather self centered. You are actually really smart, but you like to goof around a lot. And when I say goof around, I mean hex people."

James laughed, "Oh you mean like last year when I hexed Snivelly?"

"That's not funny. I try to forget that day as much as possible."

James frowned as he remembered, "Because of what that arse called you." It wasn't a question. More like a statement of fact. Severus had called Lily the unmentionable "mudblood".

Lily shook her head, "Because that was the day I stopped being best friends with Snape."

"You really cared about him a lot didn't you?" James didn't like how he felt a hit of jealousy when she spoke of her old friend.

Lily nodded, "He was the first person who took me out of reality and into this dream world. He made me feel special and because of that I felt like I belonged at this school."

"So making you feel special runs along the lines of name calling I suppose."

Lily stood up, "You know nothing about it. We'll always be different, you and I. You're pure-blood, so what do you even care?"

This time she had pushed him too far.

James stood up too, "So what do I care? I care because I care about you. Stop being so damn blind Evans. You don't deserve what he called you. You deserve much more than that. And it's about time you start realizing that."

That shut her up. He didn't mean to be harsh, but he was sick of this same talk they seemed to be having. She always wanted to ruin the moment somehow, right when he felt like they were getting somewhere. And honestly he was sick of her placing him in the category of an arrogant toerag, when someone from her past was much worse.

"And what is even more of a joke is that how well you 'know me'. I know everything about you, not just the simple facts. I can see who you really are within. But all I am to you is a jerk. Why do I even bother sometimes? You made your opinion about me clear from the moment I met you on the train our first year. Nothing will change if you don't want it to change. I thought over this break we could really spend time together and get to know one another for real. One-on-one. But every time we start making progress, you push me away. And quite frankly I'm sick of it."

Lily didn't speak. She looked as if he had slapped her hard across the face.

"Just forget it. I'm going to go to the Quidditch field, I need to get some air."

James closed his eyes and turned away from the girl he loved.

Maybe he would lose the bet after all.


	17. Everlasting

**AN: AHH! Once again I cannot believe it's been so long since I've updated. I'm so sorry readers! Hopefully you'll forgive me. But now that it's summer I can update more quickly. And honestly I forgot how much I missed writing. This story is going places, I can already tell right now and it excites me so much! James and Lily's story is really picking up and I think you will all LOVE this chapter. Well at least, I hope you will. This is for all of you. I dedicate all my chapters to you, but especially this one. You give me the inspiration that I need. I respect all of you! Keep R&R xoxo. Hope all is well. ENJOY :)**

* * *

James was furious. No he was more than that. Even though he _thought_ he was making progress with Lily, he actually kept moving further and further away from her. Why did she always make it so impossible?

All he kept thinking about was if love was enough?

He loved Lily Evans to her core. But what if this was fates way of keeping the two apart for a reason. Maybe they weren't meant to be together, even though the thought brought tears to James' eyes. He had wanted it for six years now, and thinking about moving on was like a dagger to his heart.

But he was tired of trying to make her see the real him. This year he had really tried his hardest to show her who the real James Potter was, but it wasn't working, not in the slightest.

Maybe the problem was that she didn't even like who the real James Potter was.

But he didn't want to give up on this. Because to him this wasn't just any ordinary crush. It was love. No more than that. It was a love that never could die, even if he tried with all his might to move on.

This love was everlasting love.

* * *

Lily sat there in shock because she didn't know how else to react. What was happening to her? She knew that she had thought James was arrogant all those years, but he was trying. She had to give him credit for that. Yet she was turning vicious on him. She felt like she couldn't help it though. Why should he think after being cocky for six years, he could just make her want to be his friend and fall head over heels for him? It wasn't that easy. These things take time. And in his case, maybe years.

Now she was mad. She stood up and walked out towards the Quidditch field where he said he was going. She didn't know why she was going, but her feet were taking there and quickly at that.

She stopped when she saw him standing in the middle of the field. Lily couldn't deny that her heart would skip a beat every time she saw his messy black hair. What had he done to her? He did have an effect on her, and yet he thought it was the exact opposite.

James claimed he knew everything about her, but maybe he didn't. Because he thought she was blind. He thought she didn't know anything real about him, and that was a lie. Because she did know, but why in hell would she admit those secrets now?

_No, _Lily thought angrily, _he is not going to have the final word in this. _

She strutted over to him and took a deep breath before yelling his name, "Potter!"

Lily noticed that he went rigid for a second and then sighed. It was a moment before he spoke, "What do you want now Evans?"

"What do I want? I want to know why the hell you think you know everything about me. You know nothing."

James laughed without humor and turned around slowly, "You've got to be kidding. You actually came out here to yell at me some more."

Lily shook her head blindly, "I'm making a point."

James walked closer to her quickly, "Fine. Then make it."

She was surprised by the coldness in her voice, but it only made her want to prove him wrong more. "I do know who you are James Potter."

"Oh yea? Because it seems like you know my name, and random facts that are meaningless," James replied in a harsh tone, "So honestly Lily, go ahead. This will be highly amusing."

Whenever he said Lily she knew it was serious.

Lily sighed and clenched her hands together, "I know you spend the majority of your time trying to impress everyone in this school when you don't need to."

"And here comes the insults," James said shaking his head. "Honestly Lily, I don't really have the effort to listen to this rubbish anymore."

"I was going to say you don't need to, because people truly do like you for who you are. You are brave and you are kind, when you want to be. You have been there for me more times than I can count. But I never understood why you put on a huge act on the outside. James, you are a good person and I have known that from the moment I met you."

James stumbled back a few steps and his mouth dropped open. He didn't say anything and closed his gaping mouth after a few moments. She knew that if she continued things would change between them forever. But she couldn't stop herself.

"You _are_ good looking. Ask any girl in Hogwarts and they will tell you the same. But I feel like that has gotten to your head and it didn't need to. You don't need to use that to gain points within the school and climb the social ladder. Don't be afraid to show the real you, because I've seen in and you are amazing."

She stopped talking for a minute and looked down at her feet for a moment, before meeting James' shocking gaze.

He opened his mouth, "Lily…" James walked forward slightly.

Lily put up a finger, "But that does NOT give you the right to assume you know me. I do care about people and you keep saying I'm pushing you away. Like I said just because I've noticed these amazing qualities you have over the years Potter, doesn't mean all the sudden it will change everything. I'm trying my hardest to give you a chance, but sometimes you really push it. It's not easy. I wish it was, but it's not. I know the person you are, and the person you choose to be during school. They are quite different from one another."

She looked up at the sky and sighed, "I need time. A friendship needs to be built before I allow myself to fully feel what I feel for you."

"What do you feel for me Evans?"

Lily looked back down and his face was incredulous. He looked so peaceful and so completely blissful. "I do care for you. But these feelings really confuse me. I've been hurt by people I love in the past, and you think I'm so damn strong. But I'm not." Her eyes filled with tears and she turned away from him embarrassed. "I'm vulnerable just like everyone else James. And I do have feelings, and those feelings can be hurt."

She couldn't help but think of Petunia and Snape in this moment. She had loved both of them fully, and probably always would. But they had views in the way they saw her that were disgust and hope that she would choose a different path in life. Both roads she couldn't take. She couldn't make her sister accept her, and she couldn't accept who her old best friend was becoming.

"Lily, I would _never _hurt you," James said with a rough voice, "You have to know that."

Lily turned to face him, "How?"

For the first time in a while he smiled a smile that made her heart pound wildly, "Because the love I have for you is so strong that it would rip my heart in shreds to see you in pain. I would give my life before I would let that happen to you. You mean everything to me, and all I want for you and hope for you is happiness. Nothing less of that."

Lily was speechless for what seemed like a lifetime, "James…" She walked up to him slowly. He stood there and went rigid again, but didn't move away.

She walked right up to him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I'll never understand why you care for me in the way you do."

James smiled, "Because it's you Lily. It's always been about you. You are the one person that comes into another's life and change it forever. It's called fate, and I know we belong together. Nothing else makes sense. But that fact is set in stone. And maybe sooner than later you'll start to see it too."

Back in the day a comment like that would've have probably annoyed her because he would have been smug when saying it. But not anymore. Just like she had said to him, he was showing her that man she knew he really truly was.

Nothing would stop her from what she was about to do. She didn't want to stop it. For once she wanted to let herself feel what she was truly feeling.

Lily placed another hand on his other cheek so she was cupping his face in her hands. His mouth opened slightly and she heard his breathing was now shaking. She smiled and leaned in closing her eyes.

Then their lips touched. They moved together softly and tender. His lips felt amazing moving with hers. And as she thought of how this was the best kiss she had ever experienced in her life, she felt a shock go through her and as if he felt it to he pulled away. They looked at each other for a moment and she remembered something.

She let go of his face. And he looked at her in a confused manner, "What's wrong?"

"I remember it now."

James' face went ashen and his voice was trembling, "Remember what Lily?"

"A kiss… from you."

He stepped closer to her, "What are you talking about?"

Lily knew she wasn't crazy. She smiled, "You kissed me in the hospital. I was having a nightmare and you pulled me away from it. The electricity from our kiss woke me."

"How can you possibly remember that?"

"Because James, I saw you standing over me. Of course I was drugged up, but I know that kiss. It was the same as this one."

James smiled, "So you did feel it too."

She nodded, "That feeling has never happened to me before."

"What did I tell you Evans?" James said as he stroked her hair softly, "We are meant to be together."

* * *

They had stood out in that field for a while. Lily held his hand and he couldn't stop looking at her. They talked about things for a long time. Nothing important, just small talk. But for the first time they were laughing effortlessly together and Lily seemed truly happy to be in his company.

He couldn't explain how wonderful it felt when Lily had not only confessed her true feelings, but when she pressed her wonderful lips against his. He would've thought he was dreaming, except for the shock their kiss gave them. He couldn't believe that she remembered the kiss he gave her. She seemed truly touched by the idea.

Finally they walked back to the corridor and he sighed sadly as her hand slipped from his.

She looked at him and smiled that glorious smile of hers, "Listen Potter. This doesn't change things alright?"

"Evans, you can't deny what happened between us, what has been happening between us."

Lily shook her head, "That's not entirely what I meant. I just think for now we need to take this slow and see where it goes. I don't want anything serious right now, and like I said to you before, we are still working on a friendship."

He nodded, "I respect you Lily. And if slow is what you need, then that's what I'll give you."

She smiled, "Thank you." Lily bit her lip and looked down.

James touched her arm softly, "What is it love?"

"Well don't get mad, but I really don't want your friends to all find out about this. I just know Sirius will be dying to give me a hard time about it, and I don't really need that in my life right now."

He laughed, "That's what you're afraid of Evans? Sirius Black?"

"Please James," Lily asked with pleading eyes that made his laughing abruptly stop.

James put a hand up, "You have my word. Are you going to tell you friends?"

Lily walked closer to him, "I kind of like secrets. I mean it makes things a little bit more exciting don't you agree Potter?" She looked up at him with hooded eyes that made him want to push her up against the wall right now and kiss her hard.

As if she could read his mind she trailed a finger down his chest and gave him a seductive smile. He cleared his throat, "You're definitely better than I gave you credit for Evans. And honestly I guess you were right, I don't know everything about you. And I like that."

She laughed and put her other hand on his chest. Slowly he put his hands around her waist and gulped. He couldn't believe he was finally able to touch her in this way. He was scared she was going to disappear out of his reach.

He softly pushed her against the wall and smiled softly, "So I know you want to work on being friends, and I'm all for that…but does that mean we can't benefit from that at all in a different way?"

Lily bit her lip and it sent a wave of attraction through his body seeing the sight of that. "Nope, definitely not Potter." Although her hands slid up to cup his face once more. He loved the way the warmth and softness felt on his cheeks.

"Good," he muttered as he moved closer towards her beautiful face, "Playing hard to get will definitely make this more worth it."

"Just kiss me Potter and stop your ranting," Lily said with a smirk.

Hearing her say it out loud made it so real and he couldn't help smiling, "As you wish Evans."

He moved in and first kissed her jaw. God, the scent of her was overwhelming and nearly knocked him on his arse. James felt her clench his shirt in her fists and it turned him on that much more.

Finally his lips touched hers. They were moving slowly at first, when Lily's hands moved up and grabbed his hair. It was enough to send him over the edge. He groaned deep in his throat and pressed his body harder towards hers. To his happiness, she pulled him closer. He was definitely aware of the bulge in his pants but he couldn't help it. That's what Lily Evans did to him and had been doing to him since back in the day.

His hands moved in her hair and he unlocked lips to kiss her neck. He heard her tremble and he smiled as he kissed her softly. He wanted to tell her that she tasted amazing, but he didn't want to scare her. All he knew was that she would have to be the one to stop them because he definitely wouldn't be able to.

She wrapped her arms around him and he moved back up to her lips. Lily surprised him by licking his lower lip. A shiver of pleasure rolled through his body and he moaned deeply within his chest. He grabbed her and lifted her up. She then wrapped her legs around him and he pressed her into the wall harder.

Their breathing was growing more rapid and both of their hearts were now pounding against their chests. It was getting extremely intense, and fast too.

As if she read her mind she moved her head to the side, "Wait James."

He pulled his head back slightly and stared at her, "You alright?"

She unwounded her legs from him and he gently lifted her back down, "We're just going a little-"

"Fast," he interrupted, "I know I'm sorry. I just can't help it. I've been dreaming about doing this with you for as long as I can remember."

"Hopefully it's not a letdown," Lily smirked.

Her face was still flushed and he touched her cheek softly. James shook his head, "It's so much better than I even hoped it would be."

Lily smiled angelically, "Same."

He pulled his head back and laughed, "Wait a minute Evans. Have you thought of kissing me before?"

Her smile disappeared. She walked away for a minute, "Certainly not."

James went up behind her and wrapped his arms behind her, "Don't lie Evans! I know you want me."

She shook her head, "Not at all James. I don't know what would ever give you that impression."

He kissed her cheek, "Wild guess I suppose."

Lily giggled and touched his arms softly that were still wrapped around her, "So are you trying to seduce me or something?"

"Why are you saying that you are seducible Evans?"

She spun around, "Not in your wildest dreams Potter!" He leaned in and kissed her softly.

"I wouldn't even think about seducing you Ms. Evans. So don't you worry your pretty red hair off."

Lily shook her head, "Oh believe me I wasn't worrying. But I am tired so I think I'm going to go to bed."

"What my kissing expertise tired you out did it?" He loved that they were actually flirting with one another. He could definitely get used to this.

"Again with the arrogance, and here I thought we were past that."

James shook his head and touched her nose, "You haven't won the bet yet. Unless wait Evans… are you saying you are in love with me?"

Her smile disappeared, "No James. I'm not in love with you."

James' joking exterior suddenly fading. She was set in stone with that fact and he sighed, "Didn't think so. Well have a good night. "

Lily nodded, "You too Potter." She smiled slightly and walked up the stairs.

He wished he could sleep with her tonight, and the night after that, and after that. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and watch her sleep. He also wanted to tell her that she made him the happiest he'd ever been and that he was so in love with her that he didn't think it was possible to feel this sort of love for another.

But he was also terrified of this love he felt for her. Even though he promised he would never hurt her and he intended on keeping that promise. He wasn't sure about her. What if she hurt him? It wouldn't take much, but after tonight he knew he would never be able to move on from her now. He would always want her now and forever. Nothing would change that, or could change that. And all it took was once simple act of being denied by her to break his heart forever.


	18. Secrets, Friends, and Enemies

**AN: Hi readers. So I hope you are happy that I'm updating so fast. And I'm way busy too because I'm going to Europe on Satureday :) But I felt bad I took so long updating last time that I want to get at least one more chapter after this out before I leave. I'm not going to lie however, I was a little sad I barely got any reviews for my last chapter (Everlasting) It was by far my favorite chapter so far, and I felt like no one even cared. Actually, that's not fair, a few of you commented so thank you so much for you readers! You're the best. Maybe I lost some readers because I took too long updating, I'm not quite sure. I just want people to enjoy my stories and what I'm trying to do with them. Just sucks when you take the time and effort, and then you feel like not a lot of people want to even read it. Anyways enough of that.. I really liked this chapter as well. James and Lily are finally starting something new and they are seeing where it will take them... slow and steady tho :) xoxo ENJOY!**

* * *

Lily laid in bed for a long time just thinking. She honestly couldn't believe what had happened between them. Not that she was displeased with what happened, but she couldn't hide being a little shell shocked.

Were they moving too fast? James had said though, that he respected her and that they should move slowly if that's what she wanted. But she couldn't deny that when they kissed, it was like this magnetic force was building and building and kept pulling them closer to one another.

It had taken everything within Lily to stop them. And she knew she could've kissed him forever.

What did that mean? Was James right that they belonged together? She shook her head. _How in the world could he possibly know that?_

She wouldn't fight liking him anymore, but for his benefit and hers, she _would_ take this slow. And she would keep this a secret, she just had to. Yet, she didn't truly know why.

* * *

James couldn't sleep even if he wanted to. His body was on fire, and it wasn't going to be extinguished anytime soon. All he could do is smile and tap his fingers rhythmically on the sheets.

Finally when day break was near, he jumped out of bed. He couldn't wait to see her again. Maybe that's why he never wanted to sleep. For the risk of it all being a dream was far too great.

He took a nice warm shower and got ready, maybe looking a little too nice. But he wanted to look good for her, as always though, but more now than ever before.

James practically ran to the main corridor after being ready. He wondered if she would be awake yet. He wished he could go see her in her room, but he didn't want to turn into a complete stalker now.

He was just so excited and to be able to kiss her again. It was a fantasy waiting to come to life.

His smile was big when he entered the main room and disappeared just as quickly even though in another time period he might be thrilled.

"Prongs!"

Sirius and the rest of the Marauders were pulling their luggage into the Gryffindor room.

"Mate, how have you been?" Remus asked with a wide grin.

Peter nodded, "We've missed you."

Sirius played with Peter's hair, "Can you contain your love for Potter for at least two seconds why we talk to him about his vacation Wormtail?"

Peter glared and swiped away his hand, "Saud off you arse."

"Did you hear that Prongs?" Sirius said running over to James, "Look at that new attitude he gained over break."

James tried to smile, but he couldn't lie; for the first time in his life, he wasn't too thrilled to see his best friends. Because that meant, his and Lily's fun was already over.

Sirius grabbed him into a hug, "What's with you? You don't seem to be jumping up and down for joy from our loving reunion mate."

James shook his head and patted Sirius' back, "No it's great to see you lot, really."

"Were you really lonely?"

He was about to answer when he saw Lily walk downstairs. She came to a halt when she saw his friends. His heart fell into the pit of his stomach and he tried to give her a sympathetic look.

Sirius looked where James was looking and laughed, "Evans! I hope you were good company for my mate here. Did you take good care of him for me while I was gone? And when I mean take care of him, take care of _all_ of him." He looked up and down James and threw his head back laughing.

Lily rolled her eyes as if she was thinking, _here we go again. _"Hello Black."

Sirius grabbed his heart, "That's all I receive? Ouch. And I thought our love was finally picking up."

James smacked him in the arm and Sirius looked back and him with a wink and whispered, "Don't worry mate, I won't interfere with your attraction to Evans."

He grabbed Sirius playfully around the neck and messed up his hair, "Not the hair Prongs! You know that's the main reason the ladies love me."

"I don't know what I missed more, you or your attraction for yourself Padfoot."

Sirius laughed, "Both my friend, always both."

Then he noticed Remus walking over to Lily and put out his hand, "Good morning Lily, it's good to see you. I hope you had an excellent holiday."

James smiled; he could always count on Moony to be a gentleman, especially when he and Sirius weren't.

Lily smiled also and put out her hand to shake his, "You also Remus! And I must say I do miss being a prefect with you a lot of the time. We always had such good discussions."

James' smile faded. He didn't know if Lily was trying to make him jealous or not, but it was working. He had almost forgotten that during their fifth year at Hogwarts, Lily and Remus were both made prefects. He on the other hand was too busy hexing other students, especially Severus. No wonder he hadn't been made one. That meant that they most likely would be Head Boy and Head Girl next year too, something else they could share together. The thought was unnerving. James at that moment wanted nothing more than to be the Head Boy with Lily next year. He knew he would have to work so hard for it as well, but he was willing to show her that he was changing, for the better too.

Remus looked a little taken aback, but none the less smiled back, "I agree. I miss those times as well. But we can still talk anytime Lily. I'm always here for you. Speaking of, how is your Grandmother doing?"

James was in the state of upmost jealously when he felt his face drop in shock. Had he been that selfish that he didn't ask her that question once on their vacation? Remus was gaining points that James hadn't even thought of. Maybe he didn't deserve her at all.

Lily looked down, "She's not doing well. I think she's going to pass soon."

Remus shook his head and grabbed her hands lightly, "I'm so very sorry. It's never easy to lose a loved one."

"No it's not," Lily replied in a small voice, "But least I'll remember the good times I had with her. I mean after all, she thought me becoming a witch was wonderful unlike some of my family members."

He nodded, "Yes, well definitely remember those times."

"Whoa! You two, break it up. You are making Prongs over here go crazy," Sirius said with a laugh.

James noticed his jaw was wide open and snapped it shut and also glared over at Sirius. How could he be so insensitive at a moment like this? Yes, he was jealous that Remus not only shared something with her, but was also comforting her when James hadn't. But that didn't give Sirius the right to ruin this moment and make Lily feel worse than she was probably already feeling.

"Save it Padfoot," James said warningly.

Sirius just put a hand up, "Just having your back ole' pal. Now I must say let's get our bags dumped in our room, because I'm God awful hungry." He moved past James and walked up the stairs.

James looked over at Lily and she shook her head. He gave a helpless smile, which meant some things at least never would change.

* * *

Lily watched James help his friends take their luggage up to their rooms. She sighed; _guess it all lasted while it lasted then. _

Embarrassingly enough, she had raced down to the common room to see him. That's how pathetic she had become.

She couldn't tell if she was disappointed or not. Maybe it would continue, but was she truly willing to keep this all a secret. The secret alone might kill her slowly, was it worth it?

Lily wouldn't tell the truth of what happened between them over the break, not after how Sirius Black once again acted. He was so immature and she was tired of him embarrassing her constantly.

After talking with Remus, she decided to go write her mother a letter to see how her grandmother was doing. She felt selfish that she was so wrapped up with James that she nearly had forgotten about her family and their wellbeing. She would just call up Petunia, but what good what that do? She knew her sister would never speak to her.

As she wrote the letter she felt tears roll down her cheek. She couldn't help it. She didn't know why she was crying entirely though. Was it because of her family, or did it have to do a little with James?

Lily sat there for a while and almost wished that James was there to comfort her. Where had he been when Remus was the one who was actually there for her?

Her face slid in her hands and she started crying harder. She didn't know if she liked these feelings. Feelings such as the ones she had started feeling were making her vulnerable and she didn't like it.

"Need a tissue?"

Lily's head shot up and she saw James standing in front of her. She jumped up off the bed, "You can't be in here James!"

He rolled his eyes, "Because there are so many girls in here that will tell on me right?"

She looked around. He was right. No girls were back yet, and they were all alone.

"Here," James said softly as he held out the tissue. "I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay. Once again, I'm sorry about Sirius."

Lily grabbed the tissue and wiped her eyes. She felt stupid for crying in front of him, "I'm fine Potter. Thanks."

He didn't say anything for a moment and she looked at him. He was looking down biting his lip. Finally he spoke, "I'm sorry I didn't ask about your grandmother. That was very selfish of me."

Her eyes widened. He hadn't ever admitted to being selfish, so she was definitely surprised. But she felt guilty in agreeing he was, because truthfully he hadn't been selfish at all during the break. "You weren't selfish James. I didn't really bring it up."

"I know, but still. I should've asked like Remus did."

Lily smiled slightly. Was he actually jealous of one of his best friends? She decided to play along, "Yes, that was very sweet of him. He's always been that way though."

James' head shot up. And he glared slightly, "Yea, he's a great guy."

She looked into his eyes and she saw the kindness there. She walked closer to him and looked up at him, "So are you James."

Finally he smiled and her heart started pounded. She hated that something that small was starting to have an effect on her.

James grabbed her face in the palms of her hands and he moved in towards her face. The way he was looking at her made her want to kiss him even more. She remembered the night before and how good it was.

But she kept thinking about something in the back of her mind, "Wait James."

He stopped, "What is it Evans?" His voice was rough and she momentarily forgot what she was about to say.

She grabbed his hands and put them off of her cheeks, yet still held them in her hands. "Remember what we talked about last night? I really don't want your friends finding out."

"Finding out what," James said with a wink.

"Ha-Ha," Lily replied with a smile, "Very funny Potter. I mean it though. I've just been thinking it might be too hard to keep a secret like this."

James nodded, "Exactly my thoughts as well." Her heart dropped a little for a moment until he spoke again. "That's why we should just tell everyone we're dating."

She shook her head, "We are NOT dating Potter."

His eyebrows frowned slightly, "Why won't you?"

"I told you I'm not ready for all this. I'm just beginning to like you as it is, don't push it."

Lily was afraid she offended him with her honestly but he smiled his goofy grin and put his hands up, "Alright alright. But you'll see over time that you can't possibly resist me Evans."

"God help me," Lily said with a laugh. Then she paused and stared at him, with all the humor gone, "So what do we do?"

James sighed, "I know it might be hard to keep it a secret. But I will not give up on this; I can't, especially after last night and kissing you. I cannot go back from that. I won't go back from that. We are where we are for a reason. And personally, I want to see where fate takes us."

She thought about what he said for a moment. And as if he could feel the tension he touched her cheek softly, "Please don't give up on this Evans. Please."

How could she say no to that plea? His eyes were practically begging her and her heart was pounding so hard against her chest she thought she'd fall over if he wasn't supporting her.

"Okay," Lily nodded. "Let's see where this takes us then."

The truth was she really did want to see where this was going to lead them. And she knew she made the right choice when James smiled and moved in to kiss her softly on her lips.

* * *

"Hello Mr. Potter, are you with us?"

James' head snapped up and he saw Professor McGonagall standing over his desk with a glare. He smiled at his favorite teacher, "Sorry Professor. I'm just so caught up with what you were saying."

She raised an eyebrow, "Oh well please Mr. Potter enlighten us."

_Oh geese, _James thought with a sigh. He had absolutely no idea what she was saying. He was too caught up in thinking about the kiss that he and Lily had earlier in the library behind the stacks of old books. The kiss was amazing as they all were and she was still floating through his mind as always…

Then he heard McGonagall tapping her foot, "Precisely what I thought." She bent down and whispered, "Any other student and I'd give them detention for ignoring their professor. Good thing I know you'll excel on your homework tonight."

James smiled, "You know it Professor, nothing less than perfection for you." She shook her head and walked away, yet he noticed the small smile on her lips.

She was such an amazing professor and she did favor James over the years because even though he had been a trouble maker these past six years, McGonagall saw something good in him. The thought made him smile and he thought of Lily once again. She saw the good in him too. Maybe he could achieve more than he thought, with the support and love from these women.

* * *

Lily was walking in the halls of Hogwarts with her two best friends. She had to admit she missed them very much; even Madison's ranting and raving.

"So I told my father, maybe I want to be an actress one day and use magic to get to that point. School isn't the most important thing in the world. What do you think of that?"

Alice shook her head at Madison, "And what did he say about that?"

Madison sighed, "Over my dead body."

The girls all laughed.

Lily glanced toward the wall and saw Severus standing there. His eyes widened and she shuttered. She thought of the "message" she had received over the break. She hadn't even told her friends about it, and she wasn't going to. It would only create a panic. A select few knew what happened and she wanted to keep it that way. But she was almost positive that Snape knew as well, after all wasn't it one of his new pals now?

"Lily, may I speak to you?" She heard his familiar voice say.

Madison rolled her eyes, "Haven't you gotten the message Severus? Your friendship is over."

Snape stepped back slightly and she could see the pain in his face from it. After he composed himself he stood up straighter, "What do you know of it?"

"I know because I'm her best friend now, unlike you."

He glared and looked away back to Lily, "Please Lily, just a few moments."

Lily was going to shoot him down, but realized she could maybe gain some answers about the attack if she spoke with him. "Fine, five minutes. No more than that."

Snape actually looked surprise but nodded wildly. She looked over at her two best friends who looked shell-shocked. She mouthed, _I'll be fine. _

Madison frowned but Alice nodded and pulled Madison away, "See you in a minute love."

Lily nodded and she walked over to a little cove within the walls. Severus was looking at her like she was an angel or something. He looked her up and down, "Well what is it Sev? You better not be wasting my time."

He sighed, "I'm sure you know what this is about."

So she was right. He had heard, "Oh about me being severely attacked over the holiday by one of _your _friends? Yea, I know what it's about."

She saw the pain throughout his face, then the words shot out of his mouth, "They aren't my friends Lily, _you_ are. And when I found out what happened to you… well let's just say I took care of it."

Lily looked away, "I don't need you to take care of me Sev. It's not your job to." She glared at him, "But I'll give you a message of my own. Tell your stupid minions to stay away from me and this school. Is that clear? The headmaster knows all about it, and if he links you with it well…" She couldn't finish her sentence. She hated that she still cared about him. She always would, not enough to change things or go back to the way it was, but she still cared.

As if he could sense what she was thinking he took a step forward quickly and looked at her with desperate eyes, "Why can't we just be friends again? I miss you so much. I need you in my life Lily."

Her heart fell slightly, "You know why Sev. We have had this discussion over and over since last year. We are different now, and there is no going back only forward."

She saw tears in his eyes and he grabbed her arm, "I'll do anything to gain your trust again. Please Lily, PLEASE!"

His arm was tightening on her wrist and was starting to hurt, "Ow Sev, let go you're hurting me!"

But his eyes were wild with fear, "Follow me and you'll be taken care of, I promise you!"

She tried to continue pulling away, "What is that a threat in some manner? Let go now!"

"You heard her," she heard a voice say.

Lily looked around and saw James giving Snape a look of hate.

Finally Severus let go of her arm, "Oh here we go, just what I need. The 'hero' has arrived to save the day right?"

"Stop it Sev," Lily said angrily. James had been there for her more than Snape had lately and she wasn't going to stick up for him anymore.

He glared at her, "So you finally have given into liking Potter have you? You are better than that Lily and you and I both damn well know it."

James walked over and got in Snape's face, "Don't make me hurt you in front of Evans, Snivelly."

"See," Severus said shaking his head in disgust, "This is the person he really is Lily! No matter what he's said or done, this is James Potter."

"And what kind of person have you become Sev? And why don't you take a look at the new lot you surround yourself around, then you can tell me I'm better than that when you admit that you are too."

James looked over at Lily, and she didn't care. She was being honest. Even though Snape had changed, he was better than who he was hanging out with and what he was doing.

"Just get out of here Snape," James said through his teeth. "I already want to pay you the same respect that was given to Lily over the break."

Lily sighed, this wouldn't end well. Severus looked at her with widened eyes, "You told him?"

She shook her head, "I didn't have to Sev. He was the one who found me, and what was I? Possessed by _your _Dark Lord."

"He's not my-"

Lily had heard enough lies. She wasn't stupid. "James is right. Just leave."

The sadness returned to Snape's eyes, "I've lost you."

She couldn't even reply to that. Her heart felt as if it broke slightly and she watched him walk away, heartbroken himself.

Lily watched him for a while and felt James' hand on her shoulder, "Are you alright?"

"I don't know. It's never easy with him. Just can't believe who he's become."

She waited for some smart-ass comment from his lips as usual about her ex-best friend, but he didn't say anything. "I know it must be so hard for you. But hey, come on, let's go."

Lily looked up at him and smiled. For the first time she could tell that he truly could see the friend she lost. She didn't even care who was around at the moment. She grabbed his hand and they walked away together as one.


	19. Unexpected

**AN: Hey readers! I just wanted to say thanks for your support as always. The reviews for the last chapter overwhelmed me, not by how many I recieved, but by your kind words. It makes me happy that you still enjoy the story and want it to be completed. You are the reason I keep writing, well one of the many reasons I continue. I love it and always will. Anyways, I hope you all like this chapter. It's actually the longest so far and it's actually something that truly happened within the story of James. Enjoy :)**

* * *

Her lips were gentle on his and he couldn't help but smile at the feeling that coursed through his body every time they kissed. It was like the first time every time. Each time almost knocked him to the ground. It was unnerving and nothing like he'd ever experienced before.

"What is so funny?" Lily replied pulling away slightly. Instinctively, he grabbed his hold on her waist so she couldn't move too far away.

He looked into her beautiful emerald eyes and sighed. How in the world had he been this lucky? It was finally happening, but yet he couldn't deny he was terrified every minute being with her. He was scared this was just an amazing dream and any moment he would wake up. Or that because they weren't officially together that it could end at any time.

James wasn't prepared for that and he wished he could tell her how much he needed her.

"I just love kissing you Evans," James said quietly. He moved in to kiss her neck softly.

Lily gave a little tremble and bit her lip. Then she smiled slightly and raised her eyebrow, "Even after these few weeks? I thought it would be getting old to you by now and you'd be moving on to the next best thing."

He was shaking his head before she had finished, "There is no next best thing. You are the greatest and no one could ever take your place."

She went rigid and removed her hands from his back clasping them together. James felt puzzled. What had he said? "What's the matter? What did I say?"

"It's not that," Lily started, eyeing the floor, "It's just this is getting more serious than I thought it would."

His heart quickened. What did that mean? "That's a good thing though, right?"

"I'm not quite sure to be honest."

James' heart now fell to the floor. Would his fears already be coming true? "Don't say that Evans, this, whatever this is, is amazing."

When she didn't reply he grabbed her hands, "Look at me, please."

Finally after a moment she looked up into his eyes and it took his breath away. He wanted to tell her how in love with her he truly was. But not even words could explain that.

"James, I get where you are coming from. And believe me these past weeks have been great. I don't know. The summer holidays are almost here and I don't know where that will leave us."

He shrugged, "We'll go to your house and then mine. It can't be that difficult."

She shook her head, "You know what I mean James. You'll be with your friends daily and I'll be doing well, muggle things." He knew it was coming, but he prayed he was wrong, "I just don't see how it will work."

"No don't say that Lily," James said quickly putting a finger over her soft lips. "We can make this work."

Lily sighed and touched his finger softly moving it away from her lips but still holding it in her hand, "I'm not too sure about that."

James frowned slightly. How could she just want it to end, after all they had been through? "But I am. That should be enough."

"Then why do I feel like it's not?"

James felt like she stabbed his heart right there and then. He felt numb and once again without saying another word, he turned and walked away.

* * *

Lily sat by her favorite spot by the lake. She hadn't spoken to James for a couple days after, well whatever had happened between them. She wanted to, but he dodged her every glance and attempt to speak with him.

She knew she had hurt him, and she wanted to punch herself for it. She never meant to do that, not to him.

The last couple of weeks they had shared with one another had been more than amazing. But the holidays would be here quickly and she didn't know what would happen to them.

It wasn't like she was "giving up", but how could it continue? At Hogwarts they could hide away rather easily to her surprise. But she knew being back home would be a different story entirely.

Also there was the fact that she was sick of hiding this away from her friends and the rest of the world. Yet, she didn't know if she wanted everyone to know about them. She didn't even know if she wanted to make it official.

And the sad thing was that she didn't even know why.

She had seen the real James Potter this year, and he was incredible. But it also scared her in more ways than one.

James had been sort of a playboy in his years at Hogwarts. He was popular, smart, funny and very good looking. Girls weren't blind by this fact. Yea, he claimed his affection for her more than one time, but how did she know that one day he might just be done and want to move on? She didn't and that scared her.

Also, she had never felt this way about anyone. In the past when she closed her eyes she would picture her perfect guy like most girls do, and everything she wanted in her Mr. Right, James was those things.

What did that even mean? She was still so young, and falling for James Potter like this could be a very bad thing.

She knew if he broke her heart it would take years to glue it back together. Yet her heart would never be the same. She from that point forward would always be vulnerable and somewhat broken.

Lily sighed, why couldn't life be easy? Her mind kept fighting for her to move on and move away from this "fling", but her heart was telling her to shut up and accept the fact that she would always love James Potter.

* * *

James wanted to punch a wall, but what good would that do? Maybe it would pull him out of his numb state he was feeling the last couple of days.

"Prongs, I know you've been somewhere else the past few days, but we need you right now."

He looked up to see Sirius looking rather serious at the moment. Apparently his mates noticed as well. James nodded, "Sorry, yes, I'm here and ready to help."

Sirius grinned slightly then looked at the rest of the Marauders, "Right. So Moony do you have everything you need mate?"

Remus nodded solemnly but didn't say anything.

James' heart fell slightly. He always felt so sorry for Moony during these times of the month. Even though they could all now transform into Animagi, it didn't compare with what Remus had to go through.

He could kill the werewolf who did this to his friend.

James patted Remus on the back, "We'll be here for you the entire time Moony. Alright?"

Lupin looked up and met his eyes, "No, I don't want anyone getting hurt this time." He looked over to Peter, "I nearly removed Peter's leg last month."

Sirius laughed, "Yea because the furry little creature got in your way when we explained that a rat cannot help any."

"Shut up you prat," Peter said with a snarl.

"Ah, touchy," Sirius said ruffling Peter's hair up.

Peter removed Sirius's hand away and stood up and turned for the door, "If you are going to be an arse I don't have to sit here and put up with it. Its bullocks and I'm bloody sick of it!"

He turned and slammed the door behind him.

"Well that was strange," Sirius said removing the smile from his face.

James shook his head, "You should really ease up on him Padfoot. You know he can't stick up for himself that well."

Sirius made a mocking hurt face, "What me? Come on Prongs, he's been on edge for the past few months. I don't get him. He's changed a lot."

James just sighed, there was no point talking about the matter anymore, especially because he agreed with Sirius. Peter had definitely been acting strange and he didn't know why. He would have to talk to him another night when Remus wasn't going to change.

"So the point is I'd rather none of you be around," Remus said clearing his throat. "Madam Pomfrey is going to take me to the Shrieking Shack and lock me up. I'll be safe there. It is Professor Dumbledore's idea."

Sirius shook his head, "I don't like it."

Remus frowned slightly, "You don't have to like it Padfoot. But I want my friends to be in safe hands. It's my choice, not yours."

Sirius stood up from the table angrily, "It's a load of bloody nonsense if you ask me." He walked out and slammed the door behind him just as Peter had done.

Remus sighed and James laughed, "Well I guess there is more than one feeling a little touchy tonight."

"I guess I know how to clear a room that's for sure," Remus said with a small grin that didn't meet his eyes.

"Don't think that way mate," James replied. "They just want to help. We all do."

Remus side and sat in a chair sliding his head in his hands, "If only right?"

James looked down at his friend with sad eyes and sat on the armrest, "Yea, if only."

After saying that statement he couldn't help but think of Lily.

* * *

It had been a couple hours after the feud between the Marauders, and Madam Pomfrey was with Remus.

James was standing next to the corridor with Peter who was biting at his nails nervously. James smiled slightly, "Don't worry Wormtail, he'll be in good hands tonight."

Peter's eyes widen but nodded, "I know. Just worried about him as always, especially because we won't be there."

James nodded. He felt exactly the same, but this was what Moony wanted, and he was going to respect his friend, even though he didn't care that much about his safety.

That's the kind of guy he really was. He put the people he loved before him, always. No exceptions. His family, his best mates, and Lily.

_Aw Lily_. He couldn't believe it had been so long since his lips had grazed hers. He was aching all over from the lack of Evans. But he was tired of playing her little mind games. Either she wanted him or she didn't.

Why did it have to be so hard? Life was already hard enough, and there should be good things in it as well.

James looked up when he heard whistling and saw Sirius coming their way tossing an apple up and down.

He looked at his friend with a hint of annoyance, "Padfoot where the bloody hell have you been? Wormtail's almost been gnawing off his hand here."

Peter twitched and took his fingers out of his mouth.

Sirius' raised his eyebrows and a grin slowly formed upon his face, "Just made my night a lil' better boys."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Peter asked with a confused look.

Sirius laughed and took a bite of the apple, "Well caught our good friend snivelly when I was checking up on Moony."

"What do you mean caught up?" James questioned.

"Well he was spying on Madam Pomprey and Moony and I was in bad spirits at the time so I messed with him a bit."

Peter shook his head slightly, "Messed with him how?"

"Bleeding hell!" Sirius said stretching his arms, "What's with the questions? You should be applauding me."

"Well we don't even know where you are going with this Padfoot, so why don't you do some explaining," James said tired of playing this ongoing game.

Sirius put his hands up, "Alright, alright don't get your knickers in a bunch." He sighed and leaned against the wall, "So like I was saying you all know that Snape is always interested in where Moony goes each month. It's no surprise. Well I asked him what he was doing and he said in that whiny voice of his, "I saw them going to the Whomping Willow in some secret passage way, so I told him how to get passed it."

James' mouth fell open. How could Sirius be so foolish? Sure none of them particularly liked Severus, well that was pushing it, they all despised him, but that shouldn't mean they leave him to be killed by a werewolf, "How could you be so thoughtless Sirius?"

Sirius eyebrows browed into a frown, "What's that supposed to mean Prongs?"

"You bloody know well what that means! How did you tell him to get passed it?"

"I don't see why you are freaking out so badly, it's Sniv-"

James stood up and practically ran over to him, "Damnit what did you say?"

"Whoa Prongs," Sirius said actually shell shocked. They had never spoken to each other this way and James didn't care. When James didn't back down Sirius continued, "I told him that the trick to getting past the Whomping Willow was to poke the knot at the bottom."

"Oh my God," James put his head in his hands. "He's going to get extremely hurt Padfoot."

Sirius finally looked angry, "Who the bloody well cares? Maybe he should get into our business!"

James' head snap up, "Who cares? I'll tell you who bloody well cares, Remus! Why do you think he wanted us out of there? He didn't want to hurt any of us. You know what this would do to him if he hurt Severus Padfoot! He couldn't live with that. He isn't like the rest of us blokes. He's a good natured person who cares about everyone."

Instead of arguing Sirius' face went white, "I hadn't thought of that."

"No you hadn't," James said shaking his head violently, "Now I get to go clean up your mess."

James didn't even wait for a reply. He shot around and saw Peter's face which was a look of horror and ran down the hall.

* * *

Lily was looking out the window in the great hall. She sighed, she was wondering already how the summer would go when she arrived home. She knew her Grandmother probably wouldn't make it and she always was lacking the company of her friends. Plus not to mention a whole summer with her sister who couldn't stand her and sister's boyfriend Vernon who also couldn't stand her.

She groaned internally.

Lily started walking out the Great Hall because it was time to be back in the corridor and she didn't want to get in trouble. That was the last thing she needed!

She took one step out and was bumped into, hard. And both she and whoever it was fell to the ground.

Lily looked up and saw Snape. He frowned and his black shiny hair was covering his eyes, "Watch where you're going."

"Please, you ran in to me Sev."

Severus quickly moved his hair out of his eyes, "Lily! Oh my… I'm so sorry."

"What you don't need to change your tone of voice just for my sake Sev," Lily said standing up and avoiding his helping hand.

"No, I really didn't meant to," Severus said shaking his head and eyeing her with adoration.

"It's fine. Why are you in such a hurry anyways?"

Severus blushed and didn't answer the question. He just looked down and bit his chapped lip.

"Sev?"

Finally he looked up and surprised her by the way he gazed at her. The nervousness had disappeared and he looked up at her with a defiant look. Slowly he grasped her hands, "Lily, I'm going to prove something to you once and for all."

She tried to remove her hands, but he wouldn't budge, "What's that supposed to mean? And let go of my hands Sev!"

He let go but stared at her intensely, "You'll find out. But I'm going to prove to you what kind of guy James Potter and his friends truly are, once and for all."

What did he mean by that? She was about to ask, but he took off running just as fast as he had before bumping into her.

For some reason she couldn't help worrying about what Severus meant by that. She knew when Snape was determined and usually got his way. It had always been that way with him, until she had refused to be his friend any longer. But he was usually good about getting what he wanted. And she was hoping that he wouldn't put James or his friends in danger.

* * *

James had tried to hurry, but had been yelled at for running by three teachers and two head boys from different houses. He could've smacked himself for not bringing the invisibility cloak along with him. But he dodged other people who were now returning to bed and he sneakily made his way to the doors.

He could get in extremely big trouble for leaving the school at this time of night, but he was an expert at it. He and the Marauders did this every month until recently.

James ran down to the Whomping Willow and saw that the passage way had already been opened. He knew Severus had successfully gotten in.

_Oh no, _James thought, his stomach falling. He never wanted this to happen. Maybe years ago it would've been a good laugh when he was foolish and more arrogant, but not now. It was wrong for anyone to get hurt, especially by a werewolf because then Snape would probably turn as well. But something else in his head kept telling him this was wrong; Lily.

Even though they weren't close anymore, Lily still cared a great deal about Severus and James knew she always would. If she found out that his friends had caused this, she would never speak to him again.

He had to stop this. He had to.

James ran down the path and took his wand out. He felt like he was entering the battle field and he knew he couldn't transform in front of Snape, so he would just have to use his ability to think and use magic to his advantage.

He walked in and created light. James heard some commotion at the end of the passage way and sweat ran down his brow. What if he was too late already?

James started running and knew he was getting closer and closer to the Shrieking Shack. Finally he saw Severus opening the door to the shack.

"NO Severus, don't!"

Snape whipped around, "Potter!" He growled, but James could tell he was shocked to see him there.

When Severus pointed his wand at James, he held his own out and yelled, "Accio wand!"

His wand went flying out of his hand and flew into James', "You'll pay for that Potter!"

"Fine, but step away from the door."

Severus just smiled, "Why Potter? Are you scared for Lily to find out who you and your friends really are and what you are always up to every month? I know you are hiding something, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it, for her!"

James started shaking. He didn't like knowing the love that Severus felt for Lily. James knew he was getting possessive but he already thought of Lily as his, "You don't know what you are bloody well talking about Snivelly. Now step away before I jinx you."

Before James knew what was happening, Severus whipped around and kicked in the door. He then heard Remus' growl a mile away.

James ran down there and saw Severus backing away slowly. He heard him mutter, "It can't be. A werewolf."

"Back away now Snape!"

For once in his life, Severus listened to James. He knew Severus wasn't expecting to see this sight.

Remus was changed and pulling on the chains that held him to the wall. He was growling viciously.

James protectively ran in front of Severus, "Remus, it's just me. Calm down!" He knew that wouldn't do any good, but it couldn't hurt the situation.

"That's Remus?"

_Damn, _James thought. He gave it away. He thought Snape had already realized what was going on. But none of that mattered at the moment.

It would be a whole lot easier if the other Marauders were by his side and they were in their Animagi state. But they weren't, and he wasn't. He had to make due.

For some reason it was as if Remus knew a stranger was present, Severus no doubt, because he began to rash around crazily, more crazy than James had ever seen him.

"Whoa Moony, stay calm!" James yelled trying to hurry and think of another plan.

All of the sudden the chains began to grind and he knew it was about to get extremely bad.

"Oh my God," James said sweating violently, "Snape run!"

Severus didn't stop and ask why. He knew exactly why he should start running. They both turned around and started running as quickly as their legs could take them. At one point Snape fell down and James ran back to him and pulled him up.

He knew that from the loud boom that Remus had made it off the wall. Moony was hungry, and he was hungry for them. Nothing would stop him now.

James turned around and saw Remus running after them. He turned his head and saw the base of the Whomping Willow ahead. Once again Snape tripped and this time James tripped over him.

"Bloody hell," James bellowed and he tried to get them both up as quick as possible.

When they were up he shoved Snape out of the passage way and pointed his wand at his friend, "Aguamenti!"

Water shot out of James' wand and went right for Remus. He knew this way it would make Remus turn around because for some reason Moony didn't like water when he was in the werewolf state. He was right. Remus came to a screeching stop and let out a wailing noise and ran back to the Shrieking Shack. Even though this would stop his mate for a while, he knew he had to tell Professor Dumbledore about this as soon as possible.

James hid the passage way and collapsed to the ground next to Severus.

He turned and looked at Snape who was as white as snow.

"Why? What?" Severus said slowly obviously still in shock.

"There you finally figured out the big secret Snivelly," James replied too tired to care at the moment. "Remus was infected with lycanthropy when he was bit years ago. He changes every month and that's where he goes. Dumbledore and some other professors and staff know this already."

Severus gasped and made an appalling noise, "And they let him stay at Hogwarts? He should be expelled at once."

James' head snapped over at Severus and he began to shake furiously, "Shut up you damn bloke!"

Serevus stood up quickly, "What did you say to me?"

"You heard me," James replied standing up just as quick. "I saved your arse tonight and you owe me and Remus you silence."

Severus snickered, "I don't owe you anything. Your 'mate' tried to have me killed."

"It isn't my fault that Sirius thought you were stupid enough to do it. You need to start minding your own business. Just like we mind our own business and let you do whatever it is you do for your Dark Lord."

Severus backed up and started shaking, "You know nothing!"

"And neither do you!" James shouted back. He wouldn't let Remus be punished for something he couldn't control. "Remus is a better person than you'll ever be."

"He isn't even a person! He's an animal," Snape bellowed back.

James pulled out his wand so fast that he almost dropped it to the ground. He shoved it against Snape's neck, "You better not speak any more if you want to keep your tongue from tying into a knot."

Snape rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll keep my mouth shut about your friend. But don't sit here and act like you saved my life because you suddenly care. You care only about avoiding expulsion. I see right through you Potter, even if Lily doesn't."

"Just get out of here, Severus."

Severus put out his hand and James dropped his wand into it. Severus started walking away and James slowly said, "For the record. I did save your life because believe it or not Severus, I am a good guy and didn't want you to have the same fate Remus has."

He knew Severus would never believe him, but he didn't care. He had just saved his life and that was enough for him for the moment.

James heard Snape sigh, but say nothing else as he walked back up to the castle.


	20. Mind or Heart

**AN: Hi readers! Hectic hectic hectic lately. Especially starting school up again. Trying to graduate college this year so I'll try to write as much as I can, but it might get rough. This story really is developing nicely and I know some of you are anxious for them to just be together already, but it will be worth it in the end I swear. Sometimes all the barriers between the characters creates a more detailed and realistic story, at least in my eyes it does. Enjoy everyone! Thanks as always - be sure to R&R! xoxo.**

* * *

Lily was entirely in a bad mood after Potions' class. She went to her room and fell onto her bed. It had been even more weeks, and James had acted like she had disappeared from his mind for good. She had even tried to talk to him in class today by asking if he had finished their assignment in potions. But he barely raised his eyes to her and did a nod.

She had tried to be honest with him a few weeks ago, and she had never guessed he would act in such a manner.

At first she had felt almost broken hearted, but now she was royally pissed off.

He had no right to become all shut down and cold towards her. If he truly cared about her, than he would care about her feelings and her concerns, not just what he wanted and his own needs.

_To hell with him_, Lily thought angrily jumping off her bed. She wasn't going to waste one more second on James Potter.

* * *

"Are you all packed up Mr. Potter?"

James looked up and saw Professor Dumbledore standing over him, "Actually, not as packed as I should be sir."

The headmaster smiled slightly and tugged at his sleeves, "Oh well I presumed you were because you are just sitting alone here in the Great Hall when everyone else is nowhere to be found besides their rooms."

"You're right sir, I better get packing," James started to stand up when Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder.

"Mr. Potter I didn't mean that you should stop whatever it is you were thinking so deeply about. I'm pleased that you seem to want to stay here on holiday."

James sighed, "I wish I could. A lot of the time things are easier here."

Dumbledore bowed his head, "That is definitely true to some; however, I know many that disagree. It's often nice to take the time you need to have a clear head for a while."

James looked up. It's as if the professor could read right through him. Part of him couldn't wait to leave for the summer, but the other part of him wanted to stay. The only reason he wanted to stay was because of Lily. He knew her words were how she truly felt, that continuing at home wasn't possible; but he didn't feel that way in the slightest.

He was so hurt that it was that easy to just give up on whatever it was that they had. That happiness was floating over his head like a soap bubble, and she popped it the moment she saw fit.

"Did I lose you Mr. Potter?"

James' head snapped up, "I'm sorry sir. Must be lost in thought. But you are definitely right; I am excited to return home, even for a little while. Now, if you'll excuse me."

He hadn't gotten very far when he heard the headmaster say, "I'm very proud of you Mr. Potter."

James stopped and turned around slowly, "Sir?"

Dumbledore smiled and wiped his half-moon glasses with his sleeve, "You have grown into the boy I knew you could be this year. Not just with your academics, but the way you have shown courage and acted towards others."

He didn't know how to reply to that statement. Had he grown up this year? James smiled slightly when he realized he knew the answer. Yes, he had. And Lily Evans had brought that side out of him even though it was always there to begin with.

James knew that he wasn't that arrogant boy he had always thought he should be. He didn't need to hang around all the pretty witches. He wanted to focus on school and his future more now than ever. He also knew that his friends meant the world to him, but there were other things and people to think of as well.

"Thank you sir," James nodded, "That means a lot to me."

Dumbledore nodded back, "It is the truth. And I know others have seen it as well."

He had hoped that that was true, especially when it came to Lily. But he couldn't force her to want him in the same way he wanted her, loved her. Love her.

"I wish I could believe that," James muttered not meaning to. "Sorry sir, I didn't mean to offend you."

"You didn't Mr. Potter, not in the slightest," the professor stated. "But however, you should give yourself more credit and see what I see when I look at you."

James breathed in, "And what do you see?"

"An ambitious leader with courage who puts the ones he loves above all else. But even those he doesn't care much for, he has their back as well and takes their needs into account."

_Did the headmaster know how he saved Severus' life?_ James thought with a puzzled intuition. No one besides his best friends and Snape knew what had happened that night.

"I appreciate you thinking so highly of me sir. I will try to live up to your compliment."

He started to walk away when he heard Dumbledore say softly, "You already have."

* * *

When James had entered the Gryffindor corridor it was very late. He had walked around just thinking about everything that Dumbledore had said to him.

Was he a leader? He would like to think he had that in him.

James wanted to start thinking about his future from now on. Maybe that was what he was meant to do, instead of focusing all of his time on a romance that didn't seem to be going anywhere.

The portrait closed behind him and when he looked up from his feet he saw no one in the common room. He walked around to sit on the couch when he noticed someone sleeping there. At first he couldn't tell who it was, but then he saw her red hair.

He hated that even the sight of her made his heart turn into a jackhammer, but he couldn't help it and that's what frustrated him the most.

Why couldn't he handle these emotions better?

He had tried so hard for the last couple of weeks to distance himself from her, but it had been harder than hell to do so.

Early that day she had tried speaking to him, he didn't even dare look her in the eye because he knew the moment he did, he would be lost in her emerald eyes for good. He hadn't even been very polite, and to treat her in that way was one of the hardest things he had done.

But he knew he had to sever the ties between them. He was only going to fall more and more in love with her and lose any part of strength he once had if he continued this.

James now knew that she didn't, and wouldn't ever feel the same for him and he didn't want to feel this pain for the rest of his life.

He saw her long dark eyelashes peeking through the blanket. She sighed slightly and the blanket fell down a little and he knew he needed to walk away before he touched her cheek.

However, when he started to walk away he heard her mumble, "Potter."

James stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to face her.

Lily was still sleeping though but her mouth was parted. He wanted to touch her lips with his and hold her. He wanted to sleep next to her tonight and every night after that. But what was the point?

There was no point. Not anymore that is.

His brain understood that fact, he just wished his heart would as well.

* * *

"Lily! Wake up."

Lily's eyes slowly opened and the light hit them way too brightly. Then she noticed all the noise around her. She sat up quickly, "What? What's going on?"

She heard Alice laugh, "Did you have a drink or two last night?"

Lily rolled her eyes, "No. I just didn't sleep well at all." She paused and then sighed, "Leaving Hogwarts day."

"Correct my friend," Madison said as she plopped next to Lily on the couch, "And you are all sprawled out in the common room with drool on your face in front of everyone."

"I don't have drool on my face," Lily said blushing. She wiped her mouth and groaned. "I need to finish packing."

"What? Lily Evans not prepared? What has this world come to?" Madison said laughing.

Lily stood up, "Don't get used to it. My mind has been somewhere else for the past few days, but it won't be anymore."

"I sure hope not, it's annoying really. I feel like I'm speaking to a wall instead of my best friend," Madison replied walking over to her trunks.

"How about you try and hurry and meet us in the Great Hall when you're ready?" Alice asked with a smile.

Lily smiled back, "Definitely. I'll go as quickly as I can."

Her friends nodded and left the common room. Lily ran up the girls' dormitory and finished packing. She didn't have much left to do but she still didn't like the feeling of being rushed.

She had meant to finish last night but she went in the common room hoping to find James there. Lily had wanted to say everything else she was feeling, but he had never showed up. She had even asked Remus before that if he'd seen him, and he had said no.

_Where could he have been?_ Lily thought, and then quickly shook her head, _stop thinking about Potter you stupid git! _Lily was leaving Hogwarts and James behind with it.

She grabbed her trunk and made her way out of the girls' area. When she went down the stair she clumsily tripped and fell. Her trunk fell down as well and opened spilling out half of her belongings.

"Damn!" Lily said.

She heard a quiet laugh followed by a voice she didn't expect, or didn't want to hear, "Language Evans."

Sirius of course was standing above her with a mocking smile. He held out a hand but she avoided it. "Just leave me alone Black."

"Oh come on. I thought we had let go of the past and become close this year Evans."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Far from it."

"Let bygones be bygones. When we return we'll be adults," Sirius said helping her with her things.

"I don't need your help Sirius, so don't touch my things!" Lily said flustered, "And hopefully you do return as an adult, because your childish exterior is getting rather old."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "There is a fine line between hostility and joking around Evans, and you are definitely starting to cross that."

Lily sighed, "I'm sorry."

"What's going on? Dr. Black is in, but only for a few moments," Sirius said returning his sly smile that so many girls would die for.

"You wouldn't understand."

Sirius laughed, "You're right I probably wouldn't, but I'm still here."

"That's because you're the only person in the common room at the moment Black, not because you truly care," Lily said finishing with the last of her things.

"That isn't true Evans," Sirius replied standing up.

Lily finally looked him in the eyes, "All you have done this year is make things extremely difficult on me Sirius, so yea, it is true."

His smile vanished in an instant, "Is that what you really think? I made things difficult for you?"

Lily didn't want to answer that question, she was already annoyed enough.

"I didn't mean to make your life hard Lily."

She looked up at the use of her first name, something he rarely called her by, "It doesn't matter now. It's fine alright."

Sirius shrugged, "If it makes a difference I was just trying to help my mate out this year."

Lily obviously knew he was speaking of James but she didn't admit that out loud, "Help how?"

"You aren't stupid Evans, far from it," Sirius said starting to walk away from her, "You know how he feels about you."

"That doesn't matter."

Sirius frowned, "The hell it doesn't."

Lily stumbled backwards slightly at his change of tone.

She didn't say anything and he continued, "I'm not stupid either Evans. I know something is going on between you two. The two of you have been in another world this past month, hell, this past year!"

"Nothing is going on Sirius, so please mind your own business," Lily said biting her lip.

"My best mate is my business and I don't like seeing him hurting."

Lily's eyebrows hardened, "What do you mean? James isn't hurting."

Sirius shook his head, "Maybe you aren't as smart as everyone gives you credit for Evans."

But she was too lost in thought at that moment. She knew that James' friends, especially Sirius, knew him better than anyone else did or probably ever would.

Sirius said James was hurting and that made her angrier rather than feeling sorry for him. _He _was hurting? He definitely acted like he didn't give a dun rat about anything lately, especially her. Why couldn't he just communicate with her instead of throwing her into the dark? Was it so hard letting someone in? Letting _her _in?

Lily was aware that Sirius was still there so she tried to change the subject, "Have a nice holiday Sirius."

Sirius just shook his head and the portrait opened in front of him. Before he left however she heard him say, "He saved your old best friend."

"What did you just say?" Lily asked shocked as if she hadn't heard him right. Was he talking about Sev?

Sirius ignored her and turned away saying, "James is better than I'll ever be. He is the real hero." And with that he walked out, the portrait swinging closed behind him.

* * *

James entered their compartment and sat down closing his eyes.

It didn't take long for Peter to start snoring and the pages of Lupin's book to be shuffled.

When the compartment doors opened, James opened his eyes and saw Sirius enter.

"Padfoot what took you so long?" James asked curiously.

Sirius shrugged, "Just got held back momentarily."

It had been awkward between them ever since the night that James had saved Severus' life. Hell, it had been awkward between all of them. Remus was beyond embarrassed and ashamed for what he had done. He had even gone as far as saying he shouldn't return to Hogwarts next year. Of course they all spoke him out of it. But still the tension between the friends had been rather intense.

He definitely knew that Sirius had been in a different world these past two weeks after the incident. Sirius rarely acted this way, and once was when his family had practically kicked him out.

James knew he needed to fix it before they returned to his house for the summer, "Got caught up with a pretty looker was it?"

Sirius smiled, "You could say that."

"Who was it?" James asked not really caring too much. There were too many girls in Sirius' book to ever get too involved with.

"Well, Evans actually."

James' head snapped up, "What?"

Sirius shuffled around uncomfortably pushing Peter's legs on the ground. Peter jumped up with a start, "Who goes there?"

They all laughed for a moment and then James pressed on, "You were saying?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, "She was late leaving the corridor and so was I. She fell down the stairs and her trunk flew open, I just assisted her."

"You better have only assisted her with her trunk if you don't want to lose a leg mongrel," James said half joking half serious.

They both laughed and Sirius nodded, "Of course you prat. The whole incident was really rather dull, that is, until we started talking about you."

James heart dropped and he was scared to ask, but couldn't stop the question from leaving his mouth, "You spoke about me?"

"Well of course. Naturally," Sirius said putting his head against the seat.

There was a long pause and James couldn't handle the silence anymore, "Damn it Padfoot just tell me!"

Sirius closed his eyes and smiled his sly mocking smile he did oh so well, "Yes Prongs we spoke about you and let me tell you I know she acts like a tough cookie, but she really is vulnerable and I definitely know she cares about you."

How could Sirius know something like that when he wasn't even sure himself that she truly cared for him?

James realized he almost wanted to stop the conversation there. Like he said before worrying about Lily's actions were only going to be digging his grave deeper and deeper into the ground. James closed his eyes again, "I highly doubt that."

It was quiet for a second and then he heard Lupin's book close, "He's right you know."

James acknowledged Remus because he knew that Remus had been having a hard time, however he was just humoring him with this. Lily didn't care about him, case closed, "Right about what exactly Moony?"

"That Lily cares for you," Remus said with a hopeful smile.

He knew that if Remus thought that, then it possibly could have some truth within the meaning of it.

"How could you possibly know that?"

Remus sighed, "Because she asked where you were yesterday about ten times. She wanted to speak with you. I'm pretty sure she waited all night in the common room to talk."

James' heart plummeted. That's why Lily was asleep on the couch and why she said 'Potter'. He had been on her mind, even if it was going to be a negative experience. She was thinking about him.

He stood up and Sirius opened his eyes, "Where are you going?"

"Better go see what Evans wanted," James said smoothing out his shirt.

All the friends snorted. Peter finally spoke, "She's definitely your only weakness."

James hated to admit it, but it was true. No matter what he did, or how hard he tried. Lily would always be a part of him, even if they weren't going to be together in the end.

He told his mind to shut up, and left the room letting his heart lead the way once again.


End file.
